Nothing says “amateur” more than an imperfect handlebar tape job, a dirty bike or a nasty grimy chain. Conversely, a clean bike feels faster. And new handlebar tape and a clean chain imbue a rider with extra fortitude and a little extra snap in the legs.
The professionals don’t need to wrap their own bars-they have full- time mechanics who can do it blindfolded. No matter how carefully I did my handlebar tape around shop owner George, he would regard the job, and then cruelly shoot me a look that said “amateur!” I have studied him wrapping tape. It looks effortless and he might also be talking to a customer, mocking a minion, his mind on many things – but the final result is perfection.
This drives me crazy.
It should not be so hard. I replace my tape maybe two or three times a year, just seldom enough to forget how to do it properly.
The Velominati have spent a lot of energy debating bike color co-ordination (see Rule eight) and I had a bad tire/tape issue, so I had to go white (I don’t do black tape). There is no doubt white looks great; the question is how long will it look great?
The bike shop I like to use, close to us, did not carry my favorite Fizik tape. It is bombproof and magically never ever gets dirty. So I bought what they carried, some white Deda tape.
I stripped off the old and tried to put on the new. After three attempts of rewrapping with more tension and less overlap each time, I was still short on one side. The tape was so stretched I might as well have been wrapping my bars with plastic wrap or the old Benotto cello tape. Son-of-a-bee-aatch!! (F’ing Italians, would it kill them to give me another few centimeters? The other side was better – could they be different lengths? F’ing Italians!) The only way to make it even meant both sides ended up short and too far from the stem-completely unacceptable! This put me in a mood most foul.
I called the other shop within riding distance, a Specialized shop, and was told they had three kinds of white Specialized tape. Three kinds- really? Of course when I got there, it wasn’t so-but the one they did carry has rocked my world. Specialized S-Wrap Classic 3 ply fake leather with some sweet dot perforations. It is $25 but supplies more than enough tape for the perfect wrap. It’s mighty fine looking and feels perfect; perfect cushion, perfect grip, oh, I’m in love. But, will it stay white? How bad will it look in a month? Two weeks of fair weather riding leaves the tape still bright white.
Again Specialized has impressed me with their form and function. I have some Specialized S-Works road shoes and a pair of their leg warmers and they are great. Their glue-less inner tube patches: the jury is out. Sure they lose some cachet because their items are made in China not Italy but until the Italians give me a little more tape, I’m an S-Wrap boy.
*Is it wrong to be this excited about handlebar tape? Is it dangerous to ask this question? I’m hesitant to answer either of these. And yes, Rules violations in photo, how many can you find?
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@guycollier Oh, and guy, just tell the Velominati that you need long cables for a helmet basket, so that after you cross the finish line of your local group ride on a hot day, you can flip the lid off and rest it gently and securely in the wires, looking cool and sweaty like an old school Euro pro.
@Marcus Great video, Marcus. My favorite line. Husband, essentially, I'll do all that after my ride. Wife: "Like fuck you will." The wife just knows too much.
@Marko
Yep, spacers on top as I was fucking around with stem lengths and heights.
@Marcus
Nice pick-up of Rule 37, don't know how we let that one slip...
@david
I was so close to mentioning the Madone, but thought that might be a touch cruel at this stage... give it a week or two!
The tears are welling up here. Level 4 and responsible for a new rule.
i love my Garmin, and having fucked my back by carrying stuff on it when I crashed I tend to be wary of carrying anything there beyond a Rapha Stowaway now. With that in mind it appears that the Cognoscenti is calling.
As for the Trek. My friend runs a chain of shops that sell Trek and that bike there cost me £800 rather than the £3000 it should have. It's a good ride but my next bike is likely to be a Pegoretti Marcelo. 2011 all being well.
@Guy
If it wasn't for the Testicle, Treks would be ok. In fact, their mountain bikes are fucking cool.
Nice call on the Pegoretti. When I get to purchase my dream bike, it will be something steel, probably a good Aussie bike like a Baum, or even a Colnago Master X Light...
@brett
I have a 6 year old Baum Espresso (mix of deda 16.5 and Columbus Ultrafoco) - and it is still as good and cool as the day I bought it. Darren Baum knows his shit.
And if you are so inclined, his Ti frames are the business.
@Marcus
Fuck yeah bro! Those bikes are works of art... lets see some pics! Is it a custom?
I remember talking to Darren at the trade show in Sydney many years ago, when I first saw his bikes. He had a steel Ristretto singlespeed mtb on show, and I saw the welds and was blown away. I asked if the welds were filed back, so smooth were they. He said 'no, just one pass with the torch.' Absolutely amazing craftsmanship.
You're a lucky guy.
@brett
They only do custom!
Mine is one they did in the relatively early stages of their biz. Will take a few pics - after a thorough review of the Rules!
They also offer an off-the-shelf geometry too, which can be tweaked if required. Which is still kinda custom, I guess...
Sweet bikes, however you say it!
Giving Guy (do you pronounce it Gee or Gye?) a rash about his Trek crossed my mind too. Thing is though, they make nice bikes. Sure, I wouldn't ride one simply because the uni-ball does and everybody and their sister rides one in the states. But that's not an indication of quality, quite opposite in fact. Madone's are simply really nice bikes.
Over the years, I've learned a lot from Pulp Fiction and quote it often. I think a quote that fits this scenario may be this one. It's from the scene where Vincent Vega is at Lance's house buying herion and they're chatting in the bedroom:
Vincent: What's more chickenshit than fucking with a man's automobile? I mean, don't fuck with another man's vehicle.
Lance: You don't do it.
Vincent: It's just against the rules