The Nature of Rule VV

It never gets easier, you just go faster.

– Greg LeMond

Rule #5 looms above the other Rules in terms of sheer relevance to Cycling; it is the fundamental building block upon which this sport is built. The Five is what drives us, it is the force that springs from a well that flows deep within each of us. It must be discovered, and then we learn to use it. Like all wells, our individual Five Well is but an access points into a vast source, one that flows unseen between many other wells and is spread over enormous distances. The Five binds us all together as brothers and sisters along the path to La Vie Velominatus; we may learn to access The V and we may learn to use it but we can never control it.

If Rule #5 is the fundamental building block of our sport, then Rule #10 is its fundamental application. There is a climb I frequently ride that starts from the Twentynine Pines Campground on the Teanaway Road North Fork Road out of Cle Elum that snakes up to Esmeralda Basin at the foot of the Enchantments (which is possibly the most beautiful place on Earth). The climb isn’t difficult in itself; 355 meters gained over 15 kilometers on good gravel at a modest alpine elevation of 800m.

One of the beautiful aspects of climbing is that a moderate gradient can in many ways be more challenging than a steep one; steep slopes will force you to tap into your reserves very quickly, but they also offer no alternative but to continue grinding away. A moderate gradient has more to do with will and determination; the slope doesn’t take its pound of flesh in itself – the difficulty of the climb comes from the willingness of the rider to push themselves into the red through sheer determination.

The climb to Esmeralda Basin starts fast along a faux-plat with lots of washboard that forces the rider to dodge along the road in search of the best surface. By the time the gradient starts to increase, the legs will be dull from dodging through the bumpy terrain and the mind will already feel tired from the strain of concentration, much like it does at the end of a secteur of pavé. At this point, the washboards are more scarce, but the quality of the gravel surface also deteriorates. The high speeds can still be maintained, but this requires immense focus as you still need to pick your line carefully while maintaining the force of the effort and resisting the ever-increasing desire to relent.

The last five kilometers are steeper and on the worst surface, with rain having carved erratic ruts and mud, gravel and debris collecting in loose deltas along their bases. But the various trailheads along the way means the road near the top is lined with cars which make you feel like you’re climbing to a summit finish at the Tour de France; the final push is made easier via a bit of adrenaline from this fantasy, but it only speeds the journey into hypoxia. Into the parking lot at the top, panting like a rabid gorilla cause strangers to peer at you askance wondering if you are dying or just crazy. To most of them, the idea does not occur that you might be both.

It is no coincidence that Rule #5 plus Rule #5 equals Rule #10; how hard a climb is follows from how hard we are willing to push ourselves. There is no such thing as an easy climb; it isn’t the gradient that causes one to suffer – it is magnitude of the effort.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Teocalli says:

Sep 26 2014 at 10:40 am

@Tobin Cracking. Love it.
unversio says:

Sep 26 2014 at 11:05 am

@frank Those strange looking trees don't seem to be growing vertically by about 4 degrees.
Teocalli says:

Sep 26 2014 at 11:37 am

@unversio

@frank Those strange looking trees don't seem to be growing vertically by about 4 degrees.

Te He.....
unversio says:

Sep 26 2014 at 11:42 am

@Teocalli
frank says:

Sep 27 2014 at 10:10 am

@Steve G

A-Merckx

Add kilos to your body frame and every climb is simply mind over matter and keeping the pistons pumping and grinding whilst mentally fighting the thoughts of changing the cassette/ratios to make it easier the next time.

@Mikael Liddy

Brilliant piece Frank, there's a local climb that's generally the measuring stick used to judge climbing ability that's 5.5k long at a steady 5% from start to finish.

To begin with, improvements were easy to come by with increases in riding time & consistency. Now however, they require a commitment to spend 15+ minutes at the bottom of the pain cave sans torch for even the most minute time saving...but the satisfaction of a tough goal achieved is so much sweeter.

Yes, this precisely.
frank says:

Sep 27 2014 at 10:15 am

@Fozzy Osbourne

The best rules are the ones with which compliance demands trips to the pain cave. (Rule 9 is my personal favorite.) Any Fred Wanker can kit up in flawless Rapha with his flipped stem slammed to his headset and his quick-releases angled attractively. All the Dura Ace in the world won't un-drop you OR your hairless legs.

Some people strip-mine their V-reserves dry and go fracking for more, because there's more hill to climb, or more road to explore, or because home is far away. Some people coast downhill at 25kph on Sundays. You can look the part, but if you're with cyclists who work, and you haven't done your pain cave time, it always shows.

Goosebumps. Love it.
frank says:

Sep 27 2014 at 10:18 am

@Ron

But, ouch, always forget how hard even a modest climb is when you're on loose gravel. Argh, those are leg breakers.

Up in Winthrop Washington there is the most horrendous sandy gravel I have ever ridden. Its all just barely cohesive enough to give traction when you're seated on the climbs; if you have to move en danseuse, you are pretty much fucked. I love it.
frank says:

Sep 27 2014 at 10:20 am

@TheVid

There is no such thing as an easy climb; it isn't the gradient that causes one to suffer - it is magnitude of the effort.

This.

@Mikael Liddy

...but the satisfaction of a tough goal achieved is so much sweeter.

And this.

After a ride when I had great legs, I find it so demoralizing when I review my performance over particular sections of the ride and find that I have not improved over my personal best, but either tied or missed it by seconds. I could just accept it, but I know that there are gains to be had. Learning to explore the depths of the pain cave is in and of itself a lesson in V. There are always new chambers and antechambers to explore if you have the will to visit them.

I find that the better my shape is the slower I tend to go, at least relatively. Having good form means you can fake it a lot better. You have to seriously ponder the depths of your suffering to go as fast as your form deserves.
frank says:

Sep 27 2014 at 10:29 am

@Puffy

I do need to remember I do know how to suffer, how to stay in the depths of the pain cave for an hour at a time. Tomorrow is the last race of the club champs.... I plan on renewing my pain cave "Access All Areas" pass.

Vos said something recently about how she has to prepare herself for an effort like the Mur de Huy, to be ready to remember that it will hurt like crazy but will be over as soon as the event is finished.
frank says:

Sep 27 2014 at 10:39 am

@Brianold55

How do you know its the bottom of the cave? Often we never fully plumb its depth. Unless the bottom is when you're lying by the side of the road

Here's the bottom.

@Mikael Liddy

What I've noticed recently is my climbing form is better than ever because of additional strength & endurance I've picked up doing rides that involve keeping myself at a higher tempo for longer. Besides their predilection for EPO abuse, I'm starting to see how Danes & Dutchies are able to develop some climbing legs despite having no hills to climb!

HA!!