During the birth of The Rules, just like the Big Bang, there was a flurry of new activity, too much expanding and not enough contracting; certainly not enough thinking. It’s hard to keep the throttle back when divining the Word of Merckx in real time. The interweb tubes whistled with new Rules shuttling back and forth, beers consumed, genius conferred, make it so, make it so. We were young, carefree, we would live forever.
Now, with a small bit of introspection and a looming book deadline, the Keepers are actually re-reading these things. Yes, some should go, some should be mashed together, and thanks to our brilliant community, some new ones should go in. For example, Rule #48 and Rule #49 – both about saddle position and not even addressing height.
“Hey I got another one, keep your saddle level.”
“Ha ha ha! Yeah, can you believe people ride with the nose way up or way down? People are such dicks.”
“Oh, Oh, Oh, I got another one, slide your saddle back, can you believe how people ride with their saddle way forward?”
In a less beer-fueled world, those might have become one Rule, dealing with two connected yet dissimilar concepts. Now they will become one Rule, both addressing saddle position.
Rule #48 // Saddles must be level and pushed back.
The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy.
The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44 and Rule #48.)
This opens up Rule #49. Lord Merckx has decreed that all the Rules don’t switch one position if one is eradicated or subsumed. That would confound the universe and force one of Lord Merckx’s minions to write a lot of code. And that minion is the only minion capable of code writing because the other minions are dumb fucks.
Rule #49 // Keep the rubber side down.
It is totally unacceptable to deliberately turn one’s steed upside down for any reason under any circumstances. Besides the risk of scratching the saddle, levers and stem, it is unprofessional and a disgrace to your loyal steed. The risk of the bike falling over is increased, wheel removal/replacement is made more difficult and your bidons will leak. The only reason a bicycle should ever be in an upside down position is during mid-rotation while crashing. This Rule also applies to upside down saddle-mount roof bars. (Thanks to Donnie Bugno.)
This wise bit of advise comes from Donnie ‘Donnie Bugno’ Wiley. Donnie sagely added “I take this so seriously I am unable to offer any assistance or slow down no matter how much distress the rider may be in.” Donnie is wise. He is one of us.
Similarly to the above stated Rules, we have Rules #21 and #23 pertaining to cold weather gear and shoe covers. If memory serves us correctly, or not, someone back in the early days (it was surely one of the five of us who were the only ones reading the site at the time) asked what the fuck Hincapie was doing wearing shoe covers all the time. Regardless of how pro George ALWAYS looked otherwise, there had to be a Rule in there somewhere about shoe covers. Since we only had 22 Rules at the time, Rule #23 was decreed. But since hindsight is 20/20 it is time to redact Rules #21 and #23 into one Rule. Therefore:
Rule #21 // Cold weather gear is for cold weather.
Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use. If it isn’t wet or cold, save your Flandrian Best for Flemish weather.
So what of the space vacated by the shoe covers in Rule #23, you ask? Well, we’re filling that space with what we’re calling “the Tuck Rule”.
Rule #23 // Tuck only after reaching Escape Velocity.
You may only employ the aerodynamic tuck after you have spun out your 53 x 11; the tuck is to be engaged only when your legs can no longer keep up. Your legs make you go fast, and trying to keep your fat ass out of the wind only serves to keep you from slowing down once you reach escape velocity. Thus, the tuck is only to be employed to prevent you slowing down when your legs have wrung the top end out of your block. Tucking prematurely while descending is the antithesis of Casually Deliberate. For more on riding fast downhill see Rule #64 and Rule #85.
But we’re not finished there, no siree… A couple of other Rules needing to be combined are 18 and 19, pertaining to sensible choice of kit for road, mountain biking and cyclocross racing. Basically, don’t mix that shit up.
Rule #18 // Know what to wear. Don’t suffer kit confusion.
No baggy shorts and jerseys while riding the road bike. No lycra when riding the mountain bike (unless racing XC). Skin suits only for cyclocross.
Which leaves Rule #19 open. The Keepers have experienced the annoying practice of riders joining groups unannounced at an increasing rate of late. This brought about a Rule suggestion being raised in the Boardroom, and a timely post by community member @specialk reinforced our own beliefs that a little common courtesy goes a long way. We are not against riders joining a group, but you wouldn’t walk into a restaurant, sit down at an occupied table and start eating, so why just latch onto a stranger’s wheel and claim a free lunch?
Rule #19 // Introduce Yourself.
If you deem it appropriate to join a group of riders who are not part of an open group ride and who are not your mates, it is customary and courteous to announce your presence. Introduce yourself and ask if you may join the group. If you have been passed by a group, wait for an invitation, introduce yourself, or let them go. The silent joiner is viewed as ill-mannered and Anti-V. Conversely, the joiner who can’t shut their cakehole is no better and should be dropped from the group at first opportunity. (Thanks to specialk)
And so we have spoken. And the disciples shall digest these new Rules, and they shall Obey. Prophet V.V
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I'm with Marcus on the wheel-sucker thing. If I'm riding solo, and someone wants to suck my wheel, it does not hurt me. I don't feel a need to change speed.
I'm more bothered by people riding past in the opposite direction who don't return my nod. Sometimes that pisses me off enough to think, bugger it, I'm giving up on the nod. But then I think, what if the next rider is new, and I ride past without a friendly wave or nod ? They will think I'm a cotho and wonder why brothers on the road are not more friendly. Granted, I grew up in a rural area, where it's traditional for passing drivers to give each other a "farmers wave".
There is a Rule for thought. Thou shalt always acknowledge another rider. Ignoring other riders is not cool, especially if they have offered a greeting, and suggests that your head is too far up your arse.
I reckon you could do with a few more rules about getting along and being gracious to other riders, and a few less about being condescending anal snobs.
@Ken Ho Good for you, mate. Take one viewpoint and dismiss it as being "condescending anal snobs" then insist that total strangers have to acknowledge each other just because they happen to share the same mode of transport - superb logic there.
As I have repeatedly stressed, if you don't mind silent wheelsuckers then jolly good for you. I, and others, do so how about you stop being an anal condescending snob and try and understand that we don't all have to think like you?
Just in case Marcus thinks I'm getting angry, I'm not. I'm just The New V-ehement.
@Oli
Dude, not sure if you are on the rumbo tonight or what.
Rules like "you seat must be in the exact position I prefer" are condescending and snobby, and that's just one example. Honestly, when I first read the Rules, I thought the fashionista ones were a big piss-take on the people who take themselves way too seriously. You know, the kind of people who buy all the gear and sit around looking great, but are as useless as a chocolate teapot at the actual past-time or sport. They say that cycling is the new golf, and ain't that the truth.
Shoot me for thinking that we are all brothers on the road. I know that is a delusion. You are right. Just because people use the same mode of transport does not mean they have anything else in common. That much is plain.
@Ken Ho You're still being condescending, but I apologise for the misunderstanding - I thought you were saying that not wanting strangers sniffing my arse without even giving me a wink meant that I was a snob.
Most of the Rules are a half serious and half pisstake, and it seems to depend on random factors as to when they are fun or not.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I too am a chronic waver. Even when I'm repeatedly ignored my hand shoots up in a reflex I totally can't control.
Totally clean and sober too, thanks for asking.
@Oli
Chronic nodder here...sometimes I think I am getting repetitive strain injury. To those who nod back, I get a little pleasure...even the moutain bikers! To those who do not nod back, it depends on my mood and how much I am suffering. I either think "Rude fucker...I have just expended valuable energy that I really could have done with recognising you and affirming my respect for you being on the road on two wheels." If I am training properly then I just think "Maybe they were suffering more than me and could not raise their head"....
Either way I never wave....this would be dangerous, to take my hands off the bars it tantamount to committing hari kiri!
@Ken Ho
Hey Ken. The Rule that precipitated the "silent wheelsucker" thread is titled "Introduce Yourself". I'd say this is pretty much spot on for "being gracious to other riders" or always acknowledging another rider". As Brett pointed out earlier, tow or don't tow, suck or don't suck as you prefer. Just communicate. This is like a nod only better. Does it matter which direction the other rider is going?
Reasons why I don't give or reciprocate waves:
I'm fucked.
I can't be fucked.
I'm descending at terminal or escape velocity (whatever the fuck that is).
Stick, hole, rut, glass, gravel, roadkill, etc in the line.
Recumbent.
In my small mind, I'm Nibbles, tapping out the rhythm for Count Basso, low on the Zoncolan in the 2010 Giro.
I'm a wanker.
You look like a wanker.
All of the above.
@harminator Number 6 would even induce me not to nod or wave!
I should clarify: I nod, wave & acknowledge other riders a lot. Point is, there's both good and dumb reasons when I don't.
If you're hoping for a constant response, Rule#5. Its not all about you.