The New V-estament
During the birth of The Rules, just like the Big Bang, there was a flurry of new activity, too much expanding and not enough contracting; certainly not enough thinking. It’s hard to keep the throttle back when divining the Word of Merckx in real time. The interweb tubes whistled with new Rules shuttling back and forth, beers consumed, genius conferred, make it so, make it so. We were young, carefree, we would live forever.
Now, with a small bit of introspection and a looming book deadline, the Keepers are actually re-reading these things. Yes, some should go, some should be mashed together, and thanks to our brilliant community, some new ones should go in. For example, Rule #48 and Rule #49 – both about saddle position and not even addressing height.
“Hey I got another one, keep your saddle level.”
“Ha ha ha! Yeah, can you believe people ride with the nose way up or way down? People are such dicks.”
“Oh, Oh, Oh, I got another one, slide your saddle back, can you believe how people ride with their saddle way forward?”
In a less beer-fueled world, those might have become one Rule, dealing with two connected yet dissimilar concepts. Now they will become one Rule, both addressing saddle position.
Rule #48 // Saddles must be level and pushed back.
The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy.
The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44 and Rule #48.)
This opens up Rule #49. Lord Merckx has decreed that all the Rules don’t switch one position if one is eradicated or subsumed. That would confound the universe and force one of Lord Merckx’s minions to write a lot of code. And that minion is the only minion capable of code writing because the other minions are dumb fucks.
Rule #49 // Keep the rubber side down.
It is totally unacceptable to deliberately turn one’s steed upside down for any reason under any circumstances. Besides the risk of scratching the saddle, levers and stem, it is unprofessional and a disgrace to your loyal steed. The risk of the bike falling over is increased, wheel removal/replacement is made more difficult and your bidons will leak. The only reason a bicycle should ever be in an upside down position is during mid-rotation while crashing. This Rule also applies to upside down saddle-mount roof bars. (Thanks to Donnie Bugno.)
This wise bit of advise comes from Donnie ‘Donnie Bugno’ Wiley. Donnie sagely added “I take this so seriously I am unable to offer any assistance or slow down no matter how much distress the rider may be in.” Donnie is wise. He is one of us.
Similarly to the above stated Rules, we have Rules #21 and #23 pertaining to cold weather gear and shoe covers. If memory serves us correctly, or not, someone back in the early days (it was surely one of the five of us who were the only ones reading the site at the time) asked what the fuck Hincapie was doing wearing shoe covers all the time. Regardless of how pro George ALWAYS looked otherwise, there had to be a Rule in there somewhere about shoe covers. Since we only had 22 Rules at the time, Rule #23 was decreed. But since hindsight is 20/20 it is time to redact Rules #21 and #23 into one Rule. Therefore:
Rule #21 // Cold weather gear is for cold weather.
Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use. If it isn’t wet or cold, save your Flandrian Best for Flemish weather.
So what of the space vacated by the shoe covers in Rule #23, you ask? Well, we’re filling that space with what we’re calling “the Tuck Rule”.
Rule #23 // Tuck only after reaching Escape Velocity.
You may only employ the aerodynamic tuck after you have spun out your 53 x 11; the tuck is to be engaged only when your legs can no longer keep up. Your legs make you go fast, and trying to keep your fat ass out of the wind only serves to keep you from slowing down once you reach escape velocity. Thus, the tuck is only to be employed to prevent you slowing down when your legs have wrung the top end out of your block. Tucking prematurely while descending is the antithesis of Casually Deliberate. For more on riding fast downhill see Rule #64 and Rule #85.
But we’re not finished there, no siree… A couple of other Rules needing to be combined are 18 and 19, pertaining to sensible choice of kit for road, mountain biking and cyclocross racing. Basically, don’t mix that shit up.
Rule #18 // Know what to wear. Don’t suffer kit confusion.
No baggy shorts and jerseys while riding the road bike. No lycra when riding the mountain bike (unless racing XC). Skin suits only for cyclocross.
Which leaves Rule #19 open. The Keepers have experienced the annoying practice of riders joining groups unannounced at an increasing rate of late. This brought about a Rule suggestion being raised in the Boardroom, and a timely post by community member @specialk reinforced our own beliefs that a little common courtesy goes a long way. We are not against riders joining a group, but you wouldn’t walk into a restaurant, sit down at an occupied table and start eating, so why just latch onto a stranger’s wheel and claim a free lunch?
Rule #19 // Introduce Yourself.
If you deem it appropriate to join a group of riders who are not part of an open group ride and who are not your mates, it is customary and courteous to announce your presence. Introduce yourself and ask if you may join the group. If you have been passed by a group, wait for an invitation, introduce yourself, or let them go. The silent joiner is viewed as ill-mannered and Anti-V. Conversely, the joiner who can’t shut their cakehole is no better and should be dropped from the group at first opportunity. (Thanks to specialk)
And so we have spoken. And the disciples shall digest these new Rules, and they shall Obey. Prophet V.V
@Oli surely you are not assuming that is the only name he gets calls though?
@Cyclops very cool and love the graphics, good luck with it. You do seem to be missing a fridge, though.
I desperately need to get my garage/workshop tidied up. Mrs Chris is getting increasingly frustrated that the study has become a bike only space complete with rollers and workstand and all my tools now seem to reside in the desk. I also need some of that wall board for hanging tools on. I’ve never come across it in the UK.
Didn’t know Merckx prescribed tablets as well as visits to Ferrari
@Marcus Apologising to Oli? What the hell happened to you. Did you find one of these under knicks when you got off the bike today?
@brett Maybe Oli’s the Velominati equivalent of the hypnotoad.
@lucky
And; Why are the rules written with toothpaste?
I like the new Rule #23 (and know sweet fuck all about the science of Velocity). I have been using the tuck lately when closing the last bit of certain gaps but will now desist. Its lazy and crazy.
Possible exception is if you’ve been on a solo break for more than two hours:
Further, under no circumstances can a non-pro employ the Euro tuck (abbreviation “euck”, pronounced “yuck”). Its completely unnecessary, awkward, graceless and an abomination:
@Chris
It is called pegboard….there are several types around but i have never used it so I cannot comment on quality. It looks quite expensive on this link but there are other suggestions below it at Amazon…
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007574BPQ/ref=asc_df_B007574BPQ10352489?smid=A327GSNL65G6Q2&tag=googlecouk06-21&linkCode=asn&creative=22218&creativeASIN=B007574BPQ
No pegboard in the UK? WTF?
@Deakus I’d come across the metal and composite pegboards before but as you say it’s quite expensive. Past searches haven’t ever thrown up wood/hardboard pegboard sellers that either ship nationally or are local. I guess it’s taken a while for timber merchants and the like to get on the net. Now that I’ve said I couldn’t find it in the past, there seem to be a couple of places that do it and will ship.
well Boyz, I found no wheels today to “introduce” myself to as their were few Flandrien to be seen in this part of Belgium riding in the cold.. I did however get a some extra “Flandrien in training” points as I was deluged by a downpour with a good 30 km to get home! @Minion I would love to wear that Pink lace dress :)
SAgan! I love how the Sporza dude pronounces his name. Is that an Aliante saddle in that photo?
Rule #21. In general I think people from warm climates just get soft. They need a strong dose of Rule V to address their numerous issues. Surviving long, cold winters builds character! Now that I’m slowly become a warm weather pussy, I still cannot believe what NC folks wear when it gets below 10*, both on and off the bike. And you’ll go to a goddamn autumn party and the house will have a great deck and yard and the leaves look nice…and everyone is huddled inside. Put on a light jacket and get the fuck out there people!
Rule #48. I find this one interesting. On some of my bikes, the saddle is level. On others, it tilts up slightly in the nose. An air of superiority? Or, is it just the older Campa aero seat pillar? And if you check out older photos and races many of the dudes in the 80s have their Concors and Regals and Rolls pointed up just a bit. Difference in bike geometry, optical illusion, other? I start with a level saddle & adjust as my undercarriage dictates, which is usually a slight nose tilt.
@RM2RIDE Yes, I noticed that as well, but I lifted the image from BikeRadar so really, what do you expect?
@Chris
Last night Mrs. Cyclops was helping me in the “hold this right here” department and she said “you need a special water bottle for out here”. More like a fridge full of beer was my reply.
No pegboard in the UK?
Wow! Googling “pegboard in the UK” indicates that it is not as easy as one would think to find pegboard in the UK but it seems that most lumber retailers can order “perforated hardboard” for you. Good luck.
@frank
I don’t know about this. 1) I’d rather put that money towards something else. I do a few races a year, but at this point I don’t think I need that upgrade. 2) I’m racing in the lowest category. Is a SS not a D-bag move when I’m so lowly? 3) You really, really need to be PRO-skinny to not look absurd in a skinsuit. Might look dashing on you 185 cm beanpoles, but us short and stout guys…eh, not so hot.
@minion
I didn’t realise the design for the 2013 maglia rosa had been released…not terribly aero
@mouse
Its Belgian Toothpaste
Cyclops – Looks GREAT!
I move into a new place this weekend! First order of business: install a doggie/cat door. Second order of business: build a bike shed/workshop. Yeehaw! For the past few years I haven’t been able to house all my bikes in one place or with me. I’m going to feel mighty fulfilled when I have a full stable to pick from!
VeloVita – You are on fire!
Also, I think I recall you’ll be in KY come February for some cx WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS? I’ve convinced the VMH that a road trip is in order. Might need to do some flag waving if there is going to be a group of Followers…
@Ron
Yes I’m planning on the trip down to KY to spectate. I’d say we should plan a Cogal, but admittedly I wasn’t planning on bringing the bike.
@VeloVita
Bravo!
I just re read the original post. Something is gravely off and I am surprised no one has commented on it:
Lord Merckx was of course famous for fussing endlessly with his position on the bike, and if he were actively curating the Rules he’d probably do the same with them, and @frank would never emerge from coding hell.
There are some angry cyclists today. EPO get confiscated?
@Cyclops
sweet shop dude
BTW: your inspiration last year building the cx frame for Frank, gave me the like inspiration since, and have been studying welding ever since. I have found a mig welder to start out with, and bought a simple torch for brazing lugs. Built on to the end of my garage, and have a few more things to do, but soon will have my first dibs at frame-building. Again, thanks for having the balls to go all in and showing others it can be done. Good luck at Deacon
@Souleur
Thanks, and good luck to you too.
@farzani
Is it possible for someone of Walloon descent to become Flanderien?
@foghorn leghorn
Fuck Newton, whats he know…afterall, if it were all physics, NONE of us would even be able to stay upright on the bike for any length of time, as to this day no physicist can explain how we ride per their/the laws of physics. Plus, its the art we take place in, to cheat physics every ride out, cheat wind, cheat our own lazy ass’s, or even cheat our riding partner. Nonetheless, I think of Escape Velocity in a perpendicular direction to that of gravity, and more in reference to the other forces applied to the rider such as headwind, fatigue, or mental anguish.
BTW: I totally misapplied this Rule to my rouling hills territory here in the ozarks as we don’t ascend, nor descend, rather we just have to pin our ears back and nail hill after hill in interval fashion….one which TommyD said was ‘fucking stupid’ after the PRO’s had a day of it. We don’t have alot of long climbs, just millions of them banging one after another. Which brings me to the point of Escape Velocity.
I say it stays as is. It does speak to the art of ‘escape’, and does refer to the drill required by the rider, whether on flat-land or descending. Either, is no float trip boys. I would add the consideration though that is brought up, that of Terminal Velocity, its a noteworthy point to be considered, but I would say that it is rarely applicable. Terminal Velocity was used on a regular basis by our beloved Father Eddy, but one in which we only rarely are able to employ…terminal velocity being that moment when the kill takes place…at speed..usually at the end of the race when one (usually not me) pins the ears back, plows the wind & drops the group, or breakaway and kills it in a victory procession. IMHO
@Souleur
Fuck Newton, whats he know…afterall, if it were all physics, NONE of us would even be able to stay upright on the bike for any length of time, as to this day no physicist can explain how we ride per their/the laws of physics
You’re kidding right? I’d bet ANY physicist could explain how we are able to ride our bikes.
On Escape Velocity, I just thought it was the VELOcity required to drop wheelsuckers/competitors.
@minion
Andy Schleck called. He wants his dress back.
@Cyclops
Congrats on getting Deacon Bikes up and running. That is a gorgeous set up you have there. Question: what’s the mouse-trap looking thing under the bench? Is it a beaver trap? Looks big enough . . .
@wiscot
The only thing under the bench is a Craftsman tool bag and the box that the truing stand came in.
@farzani I just realised what I’ve done, with increasing talk about cyclocross I’ve planted the idea of someone racing cross in it. It would match Mouse’s bike, but I hope to Merxck no male V-alumnus think it’s a good idea.. Then post photos. Especially Fhronk’e.
@Kyle yep, Gilbert!
@minion LOVE IT!!! never underestimate the power of pink and lace! Used to race with a pink ribbon in my hair ;)
@Ron
Hmm, yes indeed, it was originally re-written as “skin suits or lycra” for CX but someone dropped the lycra out of there…
@Cyclops
Ah-ha. Now you mention it, that’s what it is. If you do get a stray beaver in there, I guess you can kill it with the bit of frame on the bench. Man, you’ve gotta be dreading the first stain on that pristine counter top . . .
@wiscot
Actually, I wish it looked like this…
@Cyclops
Looks good! Once the bench top starts to stain and darken, thow a coat or two of epoxy or think varnish to protect it for the long haul. My business start-up is moving along. Pre-season bookings are done for a bunch of stuff, some financing has started to come through, and I get to look at Euro product all day. Anyone want to buy a $13,000 BH?
I forgot, but do you have a source for groupos for your frames? I have been schemin’ up a low cost wheel set for the “not so into spending money” crowd, other wise know as the Velominatus Bugetatus. How does this sound – Miche Primato hubs, Sapim Race spokes, and single eyelet box clinchers? They’d weigh about 1650g with a 3x 28/28 lacing.
And on a great note, the wheels that I had previously announced as perhaps lost or stole have arrived at V HQ. I don’t want to spoil anything, but they are being prep’ed by Frank.
Well, I have to run and see my doctor about my off-season preparations…
@snoov
As we all know:
Oh. And rock those lugs!
@Dan_R
I have not sourced groups yet. I figured I get a few frames out there but the LBS which is building a state-of-the-art building as we speak (and which I’ll probably start working at since the owner loves me) said they let me have some frames/bikes at their store so I do need to get a group source .
YES @ Rule #19!!!
between that and Rule #43, if sydney riders/commuters/working wonders would follow that life would be so much better.
@ foghorn leghorn
True enough, but while escape velocity in the context of Netwonian Physics is oriented around gravity and accelerating fast enough to break its pull, in Velomian Physics, we are trying to break the confines of The V. Escape Velocity in this context refers to the speed your bike reaches when you can no longer apply more of The V to the pedals.
Escape Velocity is correct, really, you just need the correct frame of reference.
smooth
@brett
That’s because everyone who doesn’t suck races in skin suits. Its not an option, really. Rules are Rules and they are not to be trifled with. You don’t see J-Pow or Sven rockin’ a jersey, and they Look Fantastic.
To be fair, this puts me at odds as well – I don’t have a skin suit and Velominati doesn’t have one yet either. It will be on the list for next season, don’t worry. We will be compliant.
[dmalbum: path=”/velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/readers/frank/2012.10.30.22.51.07/”/]
To be clear, this doesn’t apply to training, in which case jerseys etc are fine. Perhaps the Rule needs some clarity in this regard.
@the Engine
exactly
@snoov
so, its a little tongue in cheek, but seriously, check it out
some physics guru’s say its gyroscopic inertia, some say its bike geometry (rake/trail/speed), some say its steering forces….check it out, its kinda funny that NONE of them really nail it down as to ‘how’ this bike stays upright in motion
and through in the ‘ghost rider’ effect and they just flip their lids man
@Souleur
I said it tongue in cheek once that sometimes this V site is like the cycling equivalent of The Big Bang Theory. Proof positive! What next? Have Sheldon C redraft The Rules?
@Souleur the gyroscopic effect is what makes it easier to balance on the rollers the faster you go?
@Cyclops I say get the frames done first then worry about groups I guess. If you find yourself working at a shop, that will help