Have a look around to see who you find occupying your immediate vicinity. Presently, I am surrounded by a pleasant-seeming bunch. Some are even going so far as to appear happy or at least not displeased; all of them are pale and none of them fit. My attention is drawn, however, to a a portly mustached gentleman who strode into the hotel lobby with an enormous degree of self confidence and who as such feels justified in wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt bearing a phrase which asserts that real men wear orange. While I have no reason to disagree with the assertion, I assume he is optimistic that through wearing said t-shirt, he will be mistaken for a “real man” and is not in fact attempting to disprove the point through contrast.
I’m not picking on this gent not because I’m harboring any sense of ill-will towards him, nor for the fact that he strode into the hotel lobby carrying a twelve pack of Yuengling Black and Tan. I’m picking on him mostly because I have come to understand that “real men” are capable of crushing things like soda cans and their opponents’ Will to Live, while from the looks of it, the only thing he’s crushed lately was a ham sandwich whose remnants I’m fairly certain I spotted on the front of his bright orange t-shirt.
Surprisingly, our Orange Hero isn’t even the most disappointing case in the room I’m occupying. The guy in the camouflage, knee-long shorts and flip-flops is an example at least two degrees worse; if he harbors hopes of blending in to anything – most of all foliage – I suggest he spend some time outside to brew himself up a tan that goes beyond TV Translucent (I’m not sure what the pantone value is for that). He should also try lifting his computer some time, to build muscle mass, rather than wheeling it about in a trolly. But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap with carefully disheveled hair who is presently chastising the bartender – who is serving free drinks to hotel patrons – for not having his preferred brand of vodka on hand. If this guy took half the time he spent worrying about his hair and invested it in not worrying about his free drink, he’d be three-quarters less of a douche. (My dad would call this guy a zacht gekookt ei, or soft-boiled egg.)
All this to say that as a society we have, by and large, become soft. While I want to be careful not to paint too broadly with that brush as no one is to say what hardships people have been through, on balance we seem to expect to take more and to be asked to give less in return. Our ancestors worked harder than we did, in worse conditions, for less reward but found satisfaction in a job well done and an honest day’s work. Yet today, we are overly dependent on t-shirts to send a message about who we are rather than our actions. We fill our conversations with sentiments of entitlement and rights, when in fact we are entitled to nothing and we have the right only to the things we find within ourselves.
As Cyclists, however easy our lives may be, the bicycle brings us some degree of hardship and struggle. For many of us, our easy lives are what draw us to the bicycle in pursuit of a harder life. This is, of course, in stark contrast that to the riders who came before us, the legion of Fausto Coppi, Rik van Looy, and even the comparatively well-off Eddy Merckx who chose the bicycle as a means of escape from a harder life into an easier one. But nevertheless, it sets us appart. The lessons the bicycle teaches us can be applied to the rest of our lives, and may be used to guide the uninitiated.
Our pets go untrained because we are too busy, distracted, or stressed out to show them the discipline they crave. Our children scream as our dependence on secondary care blurs the boundary between parent and friend. Society’s BMI is pushed ever upward as our appetite for a meal grows inversely with our willingness to exercise. By and large, our dependence on the material is fueled by the immaterial.
No child is too young, no adult too old. This is the time to Obey the Rules, Lead by Example, and Guide the Uninitiated. But most of all, this is the time for us to set an example and have The Talk. The Rule #5 Talk. And remember what Will Fotheringham refers to as Rule #5.b: Eddy Never Complained.
VLVV.
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@frank
"But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap"
I'm saddened by this comment.
Bit of an intro.. new poster here ("Hi Newby").. look at my profile it will tell you all you need to know.. older than you but stronger than you MAY be at my age when you get there. Into cycling beginning 1971-1972 or so. Not a racer - got gassed out on my first training ride where it was go hard or / and throw up.. but stayed in the sport. Have my battle scars - broken ribs... one centimeter short of a broken collarbone, enough road rash to give me freckles which I already had... and enough scars that I tell the ladies (really my wife) that I was in a bar fight. I've shared the rules with my friends and they start to quibble over some of the "fashion" rules (black shorts)... and I tell them that they just don't F'ng get it... Now don't get me wrong... Lon Haldeman broke all of the fashion rules but that don't matter when you lap the whole field after riding 100 miles to the start line in your knee high tube socks... He gets my vote.
Anyway, thought I'd share something from another forum I follow... one devoted to old bike technology which shall be unnamed but is reminiscent of the first name of a great comedian whose last name is Newhart... Quote:
"I don't like cloth tape because it gets sticky, dirty and it frays..."... Seeing the picture of Rik Van Looy... I just say Rule #5 mate... HTFU
respectfully submitted to the assembled masses
Dennis W. Johnson, CenCal, USA
This article as I am reading it now may have been posted near a year ago but it brings some very valid points. I feel as a society we have lost our way. This sense of entiltlement people provide a diarrhetic diatribe about has been brought on by the fucking civil libertarian twatwaffles that run around looking for what they next lay their soft ass kid gloves on and protect. There is nothing wrong with wanting a peacful society buy most people could do with a decent serving of concrete in their bottles with mummies teets on it and get the fuck over themselves. We live in a time of never ending consumerism and materialistic requirements to state who and what we should be instead of being and letting ones actions speak louder than the words that no one really gives a FF about what is spouted as repititious verbatim. Rule V should be practioned by the masses on a regular basis
@Skinnyphat
this has been sadly overlooked, well played!
@Sayba2th you'll do well here, I can only echo your sentiments after hearing a radio campaign to train young kids out of 'holding your breath' contests in pools after a kid drowned out here in Aus after blacking out under water.
While I sympathise with the poor parents, how in Merckx's name do you expect to train teenage boys to not try to make a competition out of every thing they do with their mates...it's what we do!!!
@Mikael Liddy
Thanks brah I myself am a no nonsense kinda guy. I my friend am an Aussie as well, I haven't heard that campaign as well I guess I gave the radio away after repititious playlists and BS convo. I prefer my music library with my own insightful yet entertaining self comentary. But I guess it comes down to instilling common sense into them at every op.
I have a 12 year old son who has aspergers and I try to impart the wisdom of if it sounds or feels dumb then it usually is and to make like the Beatles and let it be. I am happy to let others who it want more go right ahead and have it. I am only about competing with myself these days and if it means I hand others their ass' on a plate to them as collateral damage then so be it all part of laying down The V.
I know what you mean about the competition side of things as I am very competitive myself but the near misses over the years has taught me to know when to hold em and know when to fold em.
A truer article was never needed more.
And what's with my fellow commuters? I passed no fewer than three today on my way out of Amsterdam, all riding decent bikes and sporting backpacks just like I was, and none of them even tried to grab my wheel. It was a windy day and so there was some drafting as well as camaraderie to be had (I didn't care about cooperation although I would have welcomed it all the same, to say nothing about competition), but three times in a row there was nothing. This behavior probably violated another rule (I have the book on pre-order), but it certainly brought to mind rule #5.
New to The V and could not be more pleased to find you all. @frank - great article - really speaks to the Bike and the Ride and why I have become obsessed with them in the last decade. Discovered cycling late in life (now 60); and find the rides to be the purest form of effort and reward. Stress - nope; confidence - yep; desire - yep. I will never accomplish everything that I would like on the Bike, but climbing in the California hills and pacing up and down the Coast are simple (and at times painful) pleasures that clear the mind. Others who expect to receive their reward by whining (or whinging, if you prefer) can never hope to achieve the sense of accomplishment or achievement of those who have burned their thighs on the climb. And they will never, ever pass that sense of personal responsibility and community along to the next generation - it is a very sad commentary - one that I put in the far recesses of my mind while climbing through the Redwoods or rolling along the beach straining to be just a little faster. Rule #5 will set you free.
At age 52, I am back on a bike for the first time in over 30 years and rolling on some classic steel. Encouraged to find the V and found myself in a state of excitement to discover the rules still apply.
Excellent article frank...consider me a fan!