Have a look around to see who you find occupying your immediate vicinity. Presently, I am surrounded by a pleasant-seeming bunch. Some are even going so far as to appear happy or at least not displeased; all of them are pale and none of them fit. My attention is drawn, however, to a a portly mustached gentleman who strode into the hotel lobby with an enormous degree of self confidence and who as such feels justified in wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt bearing a phrase which asserts that real men wear orange. While I have no reason to disagree with the assertion, I assume he is optimistic that through wearing said t-shirt, he will be mistaken for a “real man” and is not in fact attempting to disprove the point through contrast.
I’m not picking on this gent not because I’m harboring any sense of ill-will towards him, nor for the fact that he strode into the hotel lobby carrying a twelve pack of Yuengling Black and Tan. I’m picking on him mostly because I have come to understand that “real men” are capable of crushing things like soda cans and their opponents’ Will to Live, while from the looks of it, the only thing he’s crushed lately was a ham sandwich whose remnants I’m fairly certain I spotted on the front of his bright orange t-shirt.
Surprisingly, our Orange Hero isn’t even the most disappointing case in the room I’m occupying. The guy in the camouflage, knee-long shorts and flip-flops is an example at least two degrees worse; if he harbors hopes of blending in to anything – most of all foliage – I suggest he spend some time outside to brew himself up a tan that goes beyond TV Translucent (I’m not sure what the pantone value is for that). He should also try lifting his computer some time, to build muscle mass, rather than wheeling it about in a trolly. But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap with carefully disheveled hair who is presently chastising the bartender – who is serving free drinks to hotel patrons – for not having his preferred brand of vodka on hand. If this guy took half the time he spent worrying about his hair and invested it in not worrying about his free drink, he’d be three-quarters less of a douche. (My dad would call this guy a zacht gekookt ei, or soft-boiled egg.)
All this to say that as a society we have, by and large, become soft. While I want to be careful not to paint too broadly with that brush as no one is to say what hardships people have been through, on balance we seem to expect to take more and to be asked to give less in return. Our ancestors worked harder than we did, in worse conditions, for less reward but found satisfaction in a job well done and an honest day’s work. Yet today, we are overly dependent on t-shirts to send a message about who we are rather than our actions. We fill our conversations with sentiments of entitlement and rights, when in fact we are entitled to nothing and we have the right only to the things we find within ourselves.
As Cyclists, however easy our lives may be, the bicycle brings us some degree of hardship and struggle. For many of us, our easy lives are what draw us to the bicycle in pursuit of a harder life. This is, of course, in stark contrast that to the riders who came before us, the legion of Fausto Coppi, Rik van Looy, and even the comparatively well-off Eddy Merckx who chose the bicycle as a means of escape from a harder life into an easier one. But nevertheless, it sets us appart. The lessons the bicycle teaches us can be applied to the rest of our lives, and may be used to guide the uninitiated.
Our pets go untrained because we are too busy, distracted, or stressed out to show them the discipline they crave. Our children scream as our dependence on secondary care blurs the boundary between parent and friend. Society’s BMI is pushed ever upward as our appetite for a meal grows inversely with our willingness to exercise. By and large, our dependence on the material is fueled by the immaterial.
No child is too young, no adult too old. This is the time to Obey the Rules, Lead by Example, and Guide the Uninitiated. But most of all, this is the time for us to set an example and have The Talk. The Rule #5 Talk. And remember what Will Fotheringham refers to as Rule #5.b: Eddy Never Complained.
VLVV.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
I think we may be focusing in the wrong direction here gents by focusing on what is wrong in our world instead of the positive example of Rik van Looy. We have expressed our reverence for many great riders of the past but not sufficiently for the Emperor of Herrentals, who did something no one else, not even Merckx could accomplish: win all eight of the major classics (the five monuments plus Fleche Wallonne, Paris-Tours and Paris-Brussels, may it rest in peace). I believe he's become overlooked because the end of his career coincided with the start of Merckx's. He was certainly one of the Giants of the Road.
@Buck Rogers
There's a guy on the ODA here that mirrors the description you gave. Multiple degrees, left a six figure wall street job to join the Army and go SF. He's currently the the detachment Fox.
Probably the best part about being in the Army is that it's the safest place to channel and live the sentiment Frank's writing about. Rule #5 is a constant companion, on and off the bike.
@skipolas
Welcome to the site! Yes, the Emperor of Herentals may well be in violation of rule 27, but a couple of things are worth noting: one, those are wool shorts with no leg grippers. (They were a bitch to keep in place; even worse if you had guns like that). Two, shorts were shorter back in the 60s. Also, notice they even have a back pocket (what for, I'm not sure).
Secondly,. as I posted before, no-one in their right mind would dare question the sartorial style of Van Looy who always looked ace and was one of the finest wearers of the traditional cycling cap ever.
Consider this a good start to your cycling education: Especially the 6:50 mark re the Emperor. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3EHJjHP6yc
@The Oracle
Funny you took this literally; as always, the message is sincere but the delivery is as tongue in cheek as ever - possibly the most its ever been. I don't actually expect anyone to sit down with their infant and tell them to harden the fuck up.
And a very - VERY - important point of clarification. Secondary caregivers are a lifesaver. My VMH had one as virtually a second mom and she is the most amazing person I know. When we have kids - Merckx willing - we will use secondary care myself. Big time. Shit, I might send the scrapper off to boarding school.
The criticism in the message is not towards using secondary care - its towards parents who rely on it and during their time with their kids try to be their friend and not their parent.
@skipolas
I would not question this man's style:
@Buck Rogers
We call them "treats on feet" for our Dane. They give her such a rough display and then its one earth-shaking woof and the yipper is relegated to behind the owners feet!
@Louutah
That's a great way to put it; our Dane doesn't want to do ANYTHING but sleep, but she loves her boundaries. The pit mutt we have is a genius and absolutely needs his rules and jobs. When we get busy and start to overlook asking him to do things for us, he gets all fidgety and nervous. If I tell him to do stuff (even if its to get out of my way) he brightens up.
Everyone needs to feel important and like they have a job. Purpose is meaningful.
@Cyclops
Nice one!
@Xyverz, @Oli
Being a Dutchman, I love orange shirts. But being a Dutchman, that also means I have loads of evidence that wearing an orange shirt does not make one a real man.
@frank
Yeah, like I said at the top, I wasn't sure if I was reading the article too seriously; I shoulda known better coming from you. As I confessed to @sgt, I tend to be pretty sensitive to people bagging on "parents these days," though, because I get lumped in with a lot of others who (in my totally biased opinion) do a shit job of raising their kids.
Anyway, I've had a nice valium with a highball chaser for lunch, and I'm much calmer now (and seeing double, but that's besides the point).
@Nate
Excellent point, Nate! I tend to dwell on the negative far too much. I think it's my worst trait.
Thanks for taking things in another direction; I need to do that more often! Though it did feel nice to get that off my chest.
@mcsqueak
@skipolas
Welcome, and @wiscot's on to it. Anyone before Castelli invented the lycra short with grippers was in violation. Cheers.