The Rule #5 Talk
Have a look around to see who you find occupying your immediate vicinity. Presently, I am surrounded by a pleasant-seeming bunch. Some are even going so far as to appear happy or at least not displeased; all of them are pale and none of them fit. My attention is drawn, however, to a a portly mustached gentleman who strode into the hotel lobby with an enormous degree of self confidence and who as such feels justified in wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt bearing a phrase which asserts that real men wear orange. While I have no reason to disagree with the assertion, I assume he is optimistic that through wearing said t-shirt, he will be mistaken for a “real man” and is not in fact attempting to disprove the point through contrast.
I’m not picking on this gent not because I’m harboring any sense of ill-will towards him, nor for the fact that he strode into the hotel lobby carrying a twelve pack of Yuengling Black and Tan. I’m picking on him mostly because I have come to understand that “real men” are capable of crushing things like soda cans and their opponents’ Will to Live, while from the looks of it, the only thing he’s crushed lately was a ham sandwich whose remnants I’m fairly certain I spotted on the front of his bright orange t-shirt.
Surprisingly, our Orange Hero isn’t even the most disappointing case in the room I’m occupying. The guy in the camouflage, knee-long shorts and flip-flops is an example at least two degrees worse; if he harbors hopes of blending in to anything – most of all foliage – I suggest he spend some time outside to brew himself up a tan that goes beyond TV Translucent (I’m not sure what the pantone value is for that). He should also try lifting his computer some time, to build muscle mass, rather than wheeling it about in a trolly. But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap with carefully disheveled hair who is presently chastising the bartender – who is serving free drinks to hotel patrons – for not having his preferred brand of vodka on hand. If this guy took half the time he spent worrying about his hair and invested it in not worrying about his free drink, he’d be three-quarters less of a douche. (My dad would call this guy a zacht gekookt ei, or soft-boiled egg.)
All this to say that as a society we have, by and large, become soft. While I want to be careful not to paint too broadly with that brush as no one is to say what hardships people have been through, on balance we seem to expect to take more and to be asked to give less in return. Our ancestors worked harder than we did, in worse conditions, for less reward but found satisfaction in a job well done and an honest day’s work. Yet today, we are overly dependent on t-shirts to send a message about who we are rather than our actions. We fill our conversations with sentiments of entitlement and rights, when in fact we are entitled to nothing and we have the right only to the things we find within ourselves.
As Cyclists, however easy our lives may be, the bicycle brings us some degree of hardship and struggle. For many of us, our easy lives are what draw us to the bicycle in pursuit of a harder life. This is, of course, in stark contrast that to the riders who came before us, the legion of Fausto Coppi, Rik van Looy, and even the comparatively well-off Eddy Merckx who chose the bicycle as a means of escape from a harder life into an easier one. But nevertheless, it sets us appart. The lessons the bicycle teaches us can be applied to the rest of our lives, and may be used to guide the uninitiated.
Our pets go untrained because we are too busy, distracted, or stressed out to show them the discipline they crave. Our children scream as our dependence on secondary care blurs the boundary between parent and friend. Society’s BMI is pushed ever upward as our appetite for a meal grows inversely with our willingness to exercise. By and large, our dependence on the material is fueled by the immaterial.
No child is too young, no adult too old. This is the time to Obey the Rules, Lead by Example, and Guide the Uninitiated. But most of all, this is the time for us to set an example and have The Talk. The Rule #5 Talk. And remember what Will Fotheringham refers to as Rule #5.b: Eddy Never Complained.
VLVV.
Back on subject: Massive helpings of Rule V by teh big man from Lotto!
@The Oracle
The only good thing about that picture is the Blades!
@Marcus
You are a beacon of hope in the dark night.
@minion
Sad, isn’t it? Maybe we should start closing the articles for comment after 50 posts, seems like thats the threshold for reasonable conversation, after that everything gets covered in shit!
@sthilzy
My first road bike was a Raleigh with a Weinman group. In fact, it had a stem exactly like the one he’s got on there, too. Plus clamp on cages and the dt shifters were also clamp-on. Absolutely classic glory. Merckx, I wish I still had that bike.
@frank
And my Merckx, those centerpull brakes sucked. Better not have to stop. Except that the brakes were reversed as the bike was set up English-style, and I went over the bars a few times thinking I was pulling on the rear brake. Since you had to really jam the brakes, to stop, it meant blocking the front wheel.
That was my first bike wrenching session, reversing the brakes after super-manning one too many times. Good times…
@The Oracle
For those of you attending the WI Cogal, this is what I’ll be wearing so you’ll know me when you see me! I’ll be carrying water bottles and food for everyone. If anyone gets hungry, they can eat my cheese.
@The Boomstick
That’s a can of worms you should not have opened. IMHO.
So last night, I was invited by a good friend/ DS of another team in town to help teach Jr kids how to “race” their bikes. Pacelining, lead outs, bumping that kind of thing. The team is run by a guy that used to race, then ended up becoming a paraplegic in a non-cycling accident. He’s devoted his years since helping dis-advantaged kids get into cycling, instead of trouble. What a hoot. Might be a article in there coming up.
Being unable to ride a bike, yet devoting your life to cycling; that is what it’s about folks.
@scaler911
Class. Thanks for that.
@frank
Please tell me it wasn’t a five speed Raleigh Shadow…
@frank
As I recall the rims went so out of shape on my Raleigh it always locked out at the same point – to this day I’m still paranoid about locking up.
@The Boomstick
There there now. No standing in the aisles while the short bus is moving, @The Boomstick. I’m sorry, but you won’t be getting your special treat at recess today. Now please take your seat.
Camo is common in Texas, but it has nothing to do with the military unless it is an active soldier in camo uniform. It is usually used as (gasp) camouflage when shouldering a 30-06 at dawn to kill Bambie. BBQ to follow.
@Oli
Nope. Just standard issue pink boxers. Gotta be a Giro fan.
@frank
Team America should be required viewing for all Velominati… How I pine for a sequel.
Wish I had some popcorn while i caught up on this thread. Gold!
@itburns
Bambi sausage rocks. Especially in red beans and rice. Mmmmmmm. When’s lunch?
Hardest of em all joined our club ride this morning along with bacala and lefevere.
once on the bike he made a crack at lefevere how he was about to crush him and his specialized bike
sadly i dont have a personal pic but here’s our club prez enjoying the moment
@Belgian Cobblestones
Talk about total thread redemption! Holy FUCK, what a moment when The Prophet shows up for the local club ride!!!
Winding my way up Snake Road this morning, a kid on an electric moped rolled past me, saying: “You need one of these. It goes faster.” It was all good-natured, but my first impulse was to reply “yeah, but then I’d be as fat as you, too,” but replied something like “well, we’ll all get there,” or some such. Couple more turns got me to the top of the hill, where same kid was off his moped, which seemed to have conked out. Climbing out of the saddle for the final push, as I passed him, I offered: “You need of these. It goes faster.” And sped off, leaving my Rule V talk in the wind…
@Belgian Cobblestones
*speechless*
@Steampunk
Chapeau! I dream of such moments. Classic.
@sgt
There are certain scenes from the un-edited version of that movie that are indelibly etched in my memory, despite all of the alcohol I’ve consumed in the hopes of someday killing those particular brain cells.
@Steampunk
Oh man , bet that kid wished he just shut up while passing you
@Jeff in PetroMetro
of course your right i’m being just as much of a dick as I’m accusing oli of, i jus don’t understand why people are afraid to tell him to shut the fuck up when he’s destroying a perfectly good conversation by not letting go. the guy has some serious ego wrapped up in this place.
maybe since i’m too new here to contribute, maybe i can just bark at oli when he’s being a jerk. now i will re-lurk until I see the Vat-signal again.
(sorry not as good at photoshop as some of you)
@Jeff in PetroMetro
That is gold. Solid gold. The guy has to have been called up out of bed, eh? Can’t be his desired choice of attire.
Babmi against a sub-machine gun and miller light. No contest. At least, as you say, it taste in mah belleh! Brilliant.
@Steampunk
Setting the standard, once again. Exceptionally strong work. I would have paid good money for the video!
@Belgian Cobblestones
I’ll kindly ask you to stop reminding me of how fucking awesome Belgium is, ok? Can you pick this stuff back up next January or so, when the light has reappeared at the end of the tunnel?
@Belgian Cobblestones
Awesome!
@Belgian Cobblestones
Ya know, bless Nissan for being a corproate sponsor of cycling. We need more. Indeed, I’d buy a Nissan Leaf…if I could afford it. (I’ve blown all my spare coin on My Bike In Accordance With The Rules.) But a Leaf has a range of 100 miles – significantly less that any stage of any race they are sponsoring. And indeed, less than some Cogals. Seems to me Nissan is breaking one of the cardinal rules of advertizing: never bring attention to one of the shortcomings of your prooduct.
I think the pain point for me on the Leaf or similar electric car is about $20k. Waiting. But then, by that time, think of how cool a bike $20k will buy.
BTW, note that Rik is apparently left handed.
@frank
That is gold. Solid gold. The guy has to have been called up out of bed, eh? Can’t be his desired choice of attire.
Yes, true photo from Afghan from around a year ago I think. Amazing what you roll out of your bunk in when the “Big Voice” sounds off!
@The Oracle
If it is the scene I’m thinking of it was absolutely hilarious.
@Steampunk
That is AWESOME! Very nice work.
Not as awesome, but still kind of cool. Hitting town this morning after riding with a pal. In a tight stretch of the road, bus coming to end of road on our right (is that bus driver going to stop?) and a big moving truck decides to pass us on the downhill. “This doesn’t make me feel good.” Neither of us said anything.
A few minutes later we roll into the downtown area and as we approach an overpass we see cop cars and a big moving truck. Hmm? The guy didn’t clear the overpass and had smashed the top of his truck under it, thereby wedging himself in, right in the busy part of town where there is already road construction which narrows things to one lane.
We’re both pretty sure it was the same aggressive driver. NICE! Two dudes were sitting on the curb not looking very happy about life.
@frank
I’ve got centerpulls, and my brakes are set up front on right. I did that myself, as it always seemed to make more sense.
@eightzero
The watch?
@Ron
Last week on a ride I wa coming up to road work and the flagger had the stop sign up, this was on a downhill so I was riding my brakes and going into it slowly. Dude behind me in a stupid-big truck honks, then bolts into the other lane around me, almost hits a car coming through and pops right in front of me only to have to stop right there. When I rode through the flagger said, “Well he got really far.” Made me feel much better about it.
@Steampunk
Very well played, and a perfect if unconventional illustration of the importance of patience when racing. Or as Krabbe attributes to Hennie Kuiper, racing is the art of licking your opponent’s plate clean before starting on your own.
@Buck Rogers
Yes. Absolutely dispositive.
More on the point of the article, one of the things I get a huge chuckle out of is people taking the elevator for one floor. OK, if they have a cane, or a wheelchair or walker, I sort of get it. But most of the time, it is some fat fuck…with a wad of food or a venti frappachino with extra whip and spinkles in hand…and they call the elevator to go down one floor. Really.
You ousted Campagnolo Vince! Would you consider a position as The V Czar given authority over V policy within the executive branch ?? A dutiful responsibility.@The BoomstickJeff in PetroMetro I am picking up habits here.
Well, this thread has redeemed itself nicely.
Nice picture @Belgian Cobblestones, and awesome story @Steampunk – I think we all live for little moments of redemption like that.
Lastly, as to this photo:
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Hasn’t that dude ever watched Star Trek? The guys in the red shirts always get killed first! Put something else on…
I love you Jeff. I lo-ve you.@Jeff in PetroMetro
@Marcus
Bless you, my son.
@frank
Belgian C. Damn you are cool. A track bike in the stable and hearing Eddy trash talking during your club ride. Life is good.
@frank
If I’d known he was going to stall around the next corner, I definitely would have filmed the exchange and follow-up. Also, if I’d thought to bring a camera. Kid was a lumpy lout: would have fit in very well in your hotel…
Panache! Screenwriters can’t write that stuff.@Steampunk
This reminded me of chasing down mopeds to motor pace. They can’t hear anything over the dingy motor and prove to be oblivious anyway.
@DerHoggz
Let’s put it this way, when @frank said “covered in shit,” I started wondering if the video he put up was that particular scene, and it made me shudder a bit.
@Steampunk
Would you say that he was a soft-boiled egg perhaps???
(Gomer Pyle voice) How you doing that standup comedy on the internet? How?.@Jeff in PetroMetro
@Buck Rogers
It was almost three years ago today this was taken in Afghanistan, and yes, he was racked out when his unit’s positioncame under fire. That pic was on the front page of the New York Times. Here is a link to an article about the young trooper from Fort Worth, TX, Specialist Zachary Boyd.
http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/21/behind-the-scenes-man-in-the-pink-boxers/