The Rule #5 Talk
Have a look around to see who you find occupying your immediate vicinity. Presently, I am surrounded by a pleasant-seeming bunch. Some are even going so far as to appear happy or at least not displeased; all of them are pale and none of them fit. My attention is drawn, however, to a a portly mustached gentleman who strode into the hotel lobby with an enormous degree of self confidence and who as such feels justified in wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt bearing a phrase which asserts that real men wear orange. While I have no reason to disagree with the assertion, I assume he is optimistic that through wearing said t-shirt, he will be mistaken for a “real man” and is not in fact attempting to disprove the point through contrast.
I’m not picking on this gent not because I’m harboring any sense of ill-will towards him, nor for the fact that he strode into the hotel lobby carrying a twelve pack of Yuengling Black and Tan. I’m picking on him mostly because I have come to understand that “real men” are capable of crushing things like soda cans and their opponents’ Will to Live, while from the looks of it, the only thing he’s crushed lately was a ham sandwich whose remnants I’m fairly certain I spotted on the front of his bright orange t-shirt.
Surprisingly, our Orange Hero isn’t even the most disappointing case in the room I’m occupying. The guy in the camouflage, knee-long shorts and flip-flops is an example at least two degrees worse; if he harbors hopes of blending in to anything – most of all foliage – I suggest he spend some time outside to brew himself up a tan that goes beyond TV Translucent (I’m not sure what the pantone value is for that). He should also try lifting his computer some time, to build muscle mass, rather than wheeling it about in a trolly. But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap with carefully disheveled hair who is presently chastising the bartender – who is serving free drinks to hotel patrons – for not having his preferred brand of vodka on hand. If this guy took half the time he spent worrying about his hair and invested it in not worrying about his free drink, he’d be three-quarters less of a douche. (My dad would call this guy a zacht gekookt ei, or soft-boiled egg.)
All this to say that as a society we have, by and large, become soft. While I want to be careful not to paint too broadly with that brush as no one is to say what hardships people have been through, on balance we seem to expect to take more and to be asked to give less in return. Our ancestors worked harder than we did, in worse conditions, for less reward but found satisfaction in a job well done and an honest day’s work. Yet today, we are overly dependent on t-shirts to send a message about who we are rather than our actions. We fill our conversations with sentiments of entitlement and rights, when in fact we are entitled to nothing and we have the right only to the things we find within ourselves.
As Cyclists, however easy our lives may be, the bicycle brings us some degree of hardship and struggle. For many of us, our easy lives are what draw us to the bicycle in pursuit of a harder life. This is, of course, in stark contrast that to the riders who came before us, the legion of Fausto Coppi, Rik van Looy, and even the comparatively well-off Eddy Merckx who chose the bicycle as a means of escape from a harder life into an easier one. But nevertheless, it sets us appart. The lessons the bicycle teaches us can be applied to the rest of our lives, and may be used to guide the uninitiated.
Our pets go untrained because we are too busy, distracted, or stressed out to show them the discipline they crave. Our children scream as our dependence on secondary care blurs the boundary between parent and friend. Society’s BMI is pushed ever upward as our appetite for a meal grows inversely with our willingness to exercise. By and large, our dependence on the material is fueled by the immaterial.
No child is too young, no adult too old. This is the time to Obey the Rules, Lead by Example, and Guide the Uninitiated. But most of all, this is the time for us to set an example and have The Talk. The Rule #5 Talk. And remember what Will Fotheringham refers to as Rule #5.b: Eddy Never Complained.
VLVV.
@minion
I fucking hate ipods.
@scaler911
My local in Welly
Aww shucks, thanks. Boy are you in for a disappointment.
@mouse
You missed Rik van Looy, possibly the greatest classics specialist ever, but that’s because for some strange reason no one wanted to talk about him.
@Steampunk
That’s the wilderness between NY and Pennsylvania isn’t it?
@mouse
I believe they’re now only refreshing the leaderboard after rest days & pivotal stages (i.e. the last few)
@Mikael Liddy
Seems a bit of a shame as the daily leaderboard shake up appealed to the compulsive competitor in me…
Nate – I’m all ears for learning more about Rik!
minion – I didn’t own an ipod until I found one in the grass while walking the velodoggie. It’s okay but I rarely use it. I’ve realized I either like or need to hear the world around me. (don’t always like putting up with background chatter, but oh well.) I wonder more and more – why bother leaving the house if your goal seems to be to shut yourself off from it once out there? Oh well.
@nikschI think we can all agree that the wearing of in general public is a fashion faux pas in general societal terms.
This guy gets it.
And Rik II was the man.
@Oli
To the untrained eye, Rik and Cav wear the same things: black shoes, white socks, black shorts, WC jersey and Cav was sporting a real cycling cap a few races ago. Why then does Rik look stunning and Cav looks mediocre in comparison?
@mouse
We’re only doing it on rest days now, because feedback from the focus group was that its confusing to have it change all the time. Maybe that’s not as much fun, though. I’ll update it for a few days and see what people think; it does spur conversation, I suppose.
@sthilzy, @Marcus
Mine was brown and black on a Reynolds 531 tube set with a brooks as well. Beating myself now for losing it. I think the wheels were steel, possibly? Not 700c, so I couldn’t get 23mm tires on it; aways felt off having to ride wider tires than my friends’ bikes.
Eventually put 700c wheels in it with the brake pads dropped all the way down to the end of the brake arm levers. Good times.
@minion
Awesome point about music. I use the hell out of my iPhone (which is basically an iPod that I can also make phone calls on) and I love it. But the album is dead, and that is very sad. Seems to me the last true album that I can think of was The Smashing Pumpkins’ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Each song is so much better when heard as part of the album vs when they are heard on their own.
I can’t think of the last time I listened to an album, and the genius feature does make you listen to music in a totally different way which is also very exciting.
Don’t just knock the iPod and similar items – sure it discourages albums listening, but most music coming out isn’t album based anyway.
Bottom line: if you want the true music experience go to a concert. Rock and Roll is better when you can see the whites of performers eyes, as anyone who has watched Road to Roubaix will know. But a record is great too, and that’s what I do any time I want to really appreciate something. If you’re listening to digital music of any kind, you’ve already started to lose the fight.
@scaler911
Yeah, the one I talked to was very tan – likely on her way to “leathery.”
@wiscot
Slight correction; the Team Sky cycling caps have too large a brim, and he’s been wearing it like a wanker. So though you’re mostly right, he has not been spotted this year wearing a proper cycling cap, and it wasn’t worn like that!
@Oli
That photo is absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.
@frank
I had the Brooks but only regular Raleigh tubing and wheels you had to spanner off. It also had odd stubby mudguards to keep the crap of the the brakes. Writing this brings back memories of winter evenings polishing and oiling the thing – wonder what it’s final mileage was?
@frank
Some random artists that still occasionally put out “albums” with a story/theme/consistent feel.
Mike Keneally – (Wooden Smoke, also the crazy weird Scambot)
35007 (obscure Dutch band)
Clutch
Critters Buggin
Porcupine Tree
Skanska Mord
The Atomic Bitchwax
and, of course, all the crazy jazz/funk goodness of the musicians that tear it up until 8am every night at NOLA jazzfest in the bars.
@frank
I’ve been keeping a low profile for a number of reasons. Trying to get the house ready to sell, getting my as kicked as a Cat 4, trying to get the new Eagle Rock Cycling regime squared away, to name a few. I’ll be getting back into the swing of things shortly (I hope).
@wiscot
Let us count the ways – 1. Cav wears his cap like its a yarmulke with a brim 2. the medical tape on his ear for his radio makes him look like a Chik-fil-a employee with an illegal earring 3. I can’t tell from his jersey what governing body gives out the WC stripes 4. Rik is laying down some serious V and Cav is contemplating what his next tweet about @petatodd should say.
@Cyclops
Hang in there, stay near the front.
@itburns
\ How many points to Tim Weisberg for the Night Rider album (cover image) ?
Mechanic here has Tim Weisberg album and sleeve image is better than cover.
@versio
Did that come with a Kenny G album as a Hot Tube Jazz Super Saver Twin Pack?
@itburns
Uh, Hot Tub.
@VeloVita
Nicely played.
@frank
+1 Pumpkins. Was living in Chicago back in those days. Song from that album playing as I type on the Nano (oops).
@Cyclops
You should move back to Portland. The metal house is in a very nice neighborhood now!
@xyxax
Hellyeah!! I was in Minneapolis and they played First Ave all the time, so great. The last time I saw them was on Mellon Collie at the target center and they had the Frogs drummy because Jimmy Chamberlin was in rehab. (Chamberlin, hands down, best drummer of the modern era. Maybe ever if you don’t count Bonzo.) One of the best shows I’ve ever seen. Tales of a Scorched earth was frenetic, Billy knocked his mike stand over and it was laying between the monitors on stage, sticking up and he had to kind of crouch down and screetch into it. Awesome.
And I always loved how they played Bulled with Butterfly Wings live – without that “the world is a vampire” line spoken like it is on the record, but in a full-on Corgan scream and then about 50% faster than on the album. Solid gold.
Too bad their new stuff isn’t any good, though G.L.O.W. and SuperChrist are good tracks.
Not quite the same, but close:
@itburns
Not supposed to offer any retort. Dang!
@frank
Drummer
@frank
Drive-By Truckers’ Southern Rock Opera: definitely album-listening and much more recent. Lucero’s Women & Work, which came out a couple of months ago, is one of the finest albums I’ve heard in awhile. I’m definitely a part of the digital tunes community, but I’m still the idiot who buys the whole album rather than the odd song. Maybe it has to do with my musical tastes, but I can never get behind just a “single.” Genius is woefully underused on my pods, pads, and laptops; I still go in for the single band experience more often than not. Otherwise, it’s like tuning into just the Tour or””worse””tuning in to just the Tour for just the sprints, just the TTs, or just the climbs. What are you really absorbing? Of course, there are some artists who can only manage the one palatable song. They’re catchy, but they get forgotten more easily, too…
@VeloVita
You’re right. Cav is wearing a shitty cap in a pure hipster manner. And his socks are too long too. Fast wee bugger though.
@frank
Have you ever listened to The Mars Volta? Seems like they would be in line with what you are describing, besides concept albums (Frances the Mute is fantastic) their “normal” albums are very good, and they definitely evolve in between albums.
Some tasty songs from Frances the Mute:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OnFKTNC77I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUBQLnEGHNk&ob=av2n
@minion
WRT your comment about Music: I love listening to music, and I generally (as a rule) listen to the albums from start to finish – even on my ipod/iphone/etc. However, nothing chaps my hide worse than yelling out, “On your left” only to have the moron I’m about to pass (cyclist, runner, or pedestrian) move to the left as I’m about to pass because he had f**king headphones stuck to his moron f**king head.
I used to be a Rule #62 violator, but since I have to wear hearing aides anyway (and a damn warm set of earmuffs to keep from only hearing wind noise), music on the bike is a moot point.
BTW, the earmuffs I wear are a set of 180s with the outer layer removed. Freaking annoying in 90+ degree weather, but nice in anything below 50.
@Oli
Things I didn’t know about Rik Van Looy until Merckx: Half Man, Half Bike.
Rik II – the Emperor, because of Rik I – the Boss – Rik Van Steenbergen
The Solo team that Merckx joined when turning professional was led by the Emperor. The Emperor is the only man to win all of the major one-day races (and I’m assuming there were more in that day). The Solo team is credited with inventing the lead-out train.
I blame my crappy American edjumacation.
@Xyverz
Regarding yelling out “On your left” I don’t do this as often as I probably should because I feel like an idiot doing it. How does one determine when it is appropriate.
On topic of the article, I haven’t ridden since last Friday and didn’t shave the guns for a week. Over the weekend I was doing all sorts of stuff with my family, and this week I started a job and I am working from 3:30-midnight. It messed with my schedule and I don’t get to bed until like 2, wake up at 10 or 11 and decide there isn’t enough time to ride and get other stuff that needs done done. I have cut the grass and done some cleaning up of the yard, but I am just not motivated until after 1 or so. Next week I will be switching to daylight for probably most of the summer (7-3:30) so I should be getting back into the swing of things. Tomorrow I am going to ride as far as I can, I’ve been prepping the bike all week in hopes that I would motivate myself to ride.
@itburns
Eddy came close to winning all the monuments, I think the only one he is missing is Paris-Tours. And, of course, he came fucking close a number of times. Bad ass blokes back in those days.
@DerHoggz
I usually yell it out if there’s not enough room to pass safely or if there’s oncoming traffic when I’m on the bike trails. On the road … generally same thing. The exception to this rule is when I’m riding in a group or paceline. Then I’ll always call it out.
@frank
Yeah, I am almost positive that I read that The Prophet “gifted” Paris-Tours to a teammate early in his career as he figured that he could win it at his pleasing in the following years, but he was never able to pull it off. Said he really regretted having gifted it. The teammate (cannot remember his name at the moment, Oli can help out on this one I am sure) also said that Eddy had gifted him the win.
@Buck Rogers
Found this:
“Eddy Merckx never won Paris-Tours; he should have triumphed in 1968 but handed victory to team mate Guido Reybrouck, pulling out of the sprint, to thank him for help earlier in the season.”
@itburns
Yes, that sounds familiar. From “Rouluer” or “Cyclesport” or something else?
@Buck Rogers
Actually, that was from a surprisingly decent Wikipedia page.
@Ron
Check out the latest edition of Peloton. Highlights — started riding as a paperboy; career took off when a sensei road captain joined his team and taught him to be more patient; finally won la Fleche, the only classic he hadn’t won, in the twilight of his career; stayed in shape over the winter riding 6-days.
@itburns
No one will win all the major one-day classics Rik II won beacuse Paris-Brussels is defunct. I suppose one could make an argument for replacing Paris-Brussels on the list of 8 with Amstel Gold.
@frank
Holy shit, The Frogs. I saw them in Chicago in the mid-90’s. Mad barmy.
Corgan was criticized for over- producing his albums ( the example you mention being a case in point), but the rawness of the shows was just excellent. I saw them in small venues in Chicago, but for Mellon Collie, it was in a big arena in Paris. Never saw them or bought another album after that.
Bottom line, and this is the highest compliment we could pay: he wrote good songs.
@frank
If I see you riding with headphones in I’m putting you in the fucking ditch. For realsies.
Good point about the Pumpkins, I think the first 4 tracks from Siamese Dream are the best collection of songs on an album, anywhere. Those songs complement each other so well it’s awesome, and by now so ingrained into memory that there’s a lot of association there.
I’ve also had that knockdown agrument with a mate about Jimmy Chaimberlain. It’s gotta be between him and Ahmir Trotter from the Roots. I’ve seen them live and I had no idea how good musicians could be till I’d seen them play. That man is amazing.
@DerHoggz
Mars Volta are great, funnily enough I’ve got all the At The Drive in Albums, which was the band those guys were in before they split, and also a Sparta album that is the other half of ATDI, all of which are pretty good post punk albums. Funnily they were crackheads while in those bands, they split up and got clean, then started making way out there music with the Mars Volta.
@niksch
Yeah, I think taking a cheap jibe at an entire army is far more disrespectful to those who have fought and died for their country than wearing a bit of camo ever could be.
(I’m deliberately putting this in this already sullied thread to avoid restarting the flaming in a new thread.)
Damn, I thought this would link back to @niksch’s comment in the Rule VI thread…
@Oli
Well, it was a joke and Soldiers like jokes, and we fuck with each other all the time and take it in good stride. After the Canadians, I love the French dudes. Their “du Genie” or combat engineers are some crazy MFs (I’m a combat engineer, BTW). They raced bikes in Kosovo when we Americans were all concerned about Serbs taking pot-shots at us. Plus, we US troopers can’t drink on deployment, and I’d always find a way to have to visit my French counterparts because they drank at lunch. Good shit.
@wiscot
My theory is that it is because Cav is too recent for us to use our “historical romanticism” filter.
I’m sure that one day, we’ll be telling all and sundry how lucky we were to live through the career of one of the greatest sprinters ever. Van Looy’s palmares was also exemplary, but from what I’ve read, he wasn’t above being a total asshole. If you search hard enough, there are anecdotes of him bullying his own domestiques, stomping on any who showed any promise, withholding agreed prizemoney to “keep them hungry and (ironically) loyal”, conspiring with other team leaders to prevent potential threats from rising through the ranks, etc.
Based on this, and stories about Cav’s early temperament considered, I think I’d still rather have a beer with the new guy who wears his hat funny.
+1
@the Engine
Arr yes, those stubley mudguards that where originally on it! Wonder what the final mileage was? Early days had me one of the Huret style odometers with the star wheel on the side that bolted on the front hub/axle, that clicks over ‘wheel circumference’ when the spoke jigger spins past it. Yeah, good times!