The Rule #5 Talk
Have a look around to see who you find occupying your immediate vicinity. Presently, I am surrounded by a pleasant-seeming bunch. Some are even going so far as to appear happy or at least not displeased; all of them are pale and none of them fit. My attention is drawn, however, to a a portly mustached gentleman who strode into the hotel lobby with an enormous degree of self confidence and who as such feels justified in wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt bearing a phrase which asserts that real men wear orange. While I have no reason to disagree with the assertion, I assume he is optimistic that through wearing said t-shirt, he will be mistaken for a “real man” and is not in fact attempting to disprove the point through contrast.
I’m not picking on this gent not because I’m harboring any sense of ill-will towards him, nor for the fact that he strode into the hotel lobby carrying a twelve pack of Yuengling Black and Tan. I’m picking on him mostly because I have come to understand that “real men” are capable of crushing things like soda cans and their opponents’ Will to Live, while from the looks of it, the only thing he’s crushed lately was a ham sandwich whose remnants I’m fairly certain I spotted on the front of his bright orange t-shirt.
Surprisingly, our Orange Hero isn’t even the most disappointing case in the room I’m occupying. The guy in the camouflage, knee-long shorts and flip-flops is an example at least two degrees worse; if he harbors hopes of blending in to anything – most of all foliage – I suggest he spend some time outside to brew himself up a tan that goes beyond TV Translucent (I’m not sure what the pantone value is for that). He should also try lifting his computer some time, to build muscle mass, rather than wheeling it about in a trolly. But worst of all by a considerable gap is the skinny-fat chap with carefully disheveled hair who is presently chastising the bartender – who is serving free drinks to hotel patrons – for not having his preferred brand of vodka on hand. If this guy took half the time he spent worrying about his hair and invested it in not worrying about his free drink, he’d be three-quarters less of a douche. (My dad would call this guy a zacht gekookt ei, or soft-boiled egg.)
All this to say that as a society we have, by and large, become soft. While I want to be careful not to paint too broadly with that brush as no one is to say what hardships people have been through, on balance we seem to expect to take more and to be asked to give less in return. Our ancestors worked harder than we did, in worse conditions, for less reward but found satisfaction in a job well done and an honest day’s work. Yet today, we are overly dependent on t-shirts to send a message about who we are rather than our actions. We fill our conversations with sentiments of entitlement and rights, when in fact we are entitled to nothing and we have the right only to the things we find within ourselves.
As Cyclists, however easy our lives may be, the bicycle brings us some degree of hardship and struggle. For many of us, our easy lives are what draw us to the bicycle in pursuit of a harder life. This is, of course, in stark contrast that to the riders who came before us, the legion of Fausto Coppi, Rik van Looy, and even the comparatively well-off Eddy Merckx who chose the bicycle as a means of escape from a harder life into an easier one. But nevertheless, it sets us appart. The lessons the bicycle teaches us can be applied to the rest of our lives, and may be used to guide the uninitiated.
Our pets go untrained because we are too busy, distracted, or stressed out to show them the discipline they crave. Our children scream as our dependence on secondary care blurs the boundary between parent and friend. Society’s BMI is pushed ever upward as our appetite for a meal grows inversely with our willingness to exercise. By and large, our dependence on the material is fueled by the immaterial.
No child is too young, no adult too old. This is the time to Obey the Rules, Lead by Example, and Guide the Uninitiated. But most of all, this is the time for us to set an example and have The Talk. The Rule #5 Talk. And remember what Will Fotheringham refers to as Rule #5.b: Eddy Never Complained.
VLVV.
@Blah
This.
@brett
And of course, this.
Hope it’s not long till we see @Oli again. I value his opinion while I don’t always share it.
It also needs to be said that around here, “NO CYCLING FACTS ARE INANE!”
Only the Velominati could use King Lear to persuade one of their own to stay true. This place is a blast – @Oli – you’ve got to stick around.
@Oli
Relax everyone. Oli will return. We must know by now that there is one thing that he cannot resist – an incorrect assertion about cycling.
Hey Oli – I really loved it when Cipo dug deep in the Pyrenees to finish the Tour de France. And I also loved it when Phil Anderson used the first Campagnolo STI shifters.
Speak soon
@Oli
Love your work, comments here and your ‘Roadworks’ blog. Respect to you.
Just quietly, you are my ‘silent cycling sensei’!
Hope you make it back here soon!
@Marcus
Yeah, exactly, and wasn’t Merckx wearing number 61 for his fifth tdf victory?
@frank
I remember first hearing it after they released the collection and it was one of the previously unreleased songs. Blew me away. At first I could not make sense of it b/c i did not know it was on the collection album and i kept trying to figure out where the hell the song came from b/c i had all the albums but not that song! One of their best!
@Oli
Aw, come on back: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJXU7EVXs2A&feature=related
@brett
I picked up that album in 2000(2 years after it was released) and quickly purchased every other album and EP they had(usually having to order from the label in Sweden)
But that album is pretty amazing in how timeless it sounds to me.
@Oli
do what you gotta do mate, but I think its clear that we want you to stick around and I sure hope you do.
@Oli
Seriously hoping that you are here when I return. And that you had seized the opportunity to use this line with Frank. “If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.”
@versio
+1!
I’m glad to see a Danny Carey reference here, and I must agree that he is extraordinary.
I’ve had the good luck of seeing Tool in concert more times than I can count, including a miserably hot summer afternoon in Baytown, Texas just weeks after the release of their first full length album Undertow. They were basically unknown at the time and played the uneviable 2:00 pm time slot. I remember sitting in the blistering sun and perking up when they started to play. “Who is this?” I said to my girlfriend at the time. I’ve been a fan ever since.
With that said and with huge respect to Danny, he is not my favorite drummer. Gavin Harrison fills that role.
Speaking of heat. It should be around 90 this afternoon here in Houston. I’m looking forward to that ride, although I must admit, I wasn’t a hard enough man to brave a nasty hangover for the 7:30 am club ride.
@Buck Rogers
Absolutely love that song; I first heard it on the boxed set and now its on their BBC recordings. Incredible that a band can have a song that good and never release it.
@brett
Ah, a good ol’ Seattle boy. All the worlds best music comes from here, of course. But Zep is better.
@BlackTongue
Undertow was a great album. Sober is just a bangin’ track.
@TheStraightBlock
@TheStraightBlock
These comments have been deleted; now you’re just poking the badger. You’re welcome to stick around, but you gotta keep it civil.
Oli and I arguing is nothing new, people.
@Oli
Oh, Oli, settle down, you big goofball. You misunderstand me, I misunderstand you, we argue and everyone moves on.
Its all part of our foreplay and you know it.
@frank
As is Prison sex.
I quite like the sound of the guy in the orange t-shirt. He sounds like Jeff Lebowski.
@brett
I’ll always wonder about the planned Miles Davis/Hendrix collaboration. Davis was getting more electric, Hendrix was getting more jazzed up at the time.
Aw I hope Oli comes back, I quite like guy. Really outside of the odd person or two, I think everyone who posts here contributes quite a bit and I like reading what they have to say.
Regarding good drummers, I was never a huge Tool fan but I always thought their drummer was pretty amazing.
Another good drummer of all people is cEvin Key from Skinny Puppy – normally you wouldn’t think an electronic/industrial group as having a good drummer, as the sound is usually buried behind many other walls of sound. But I saw them live once and he was a madman on the drums, I was truly impressed.
A strong case could be made for Rabottini giving us the Rule #5 moment of the year (so far). After 150+km away, to latch on to J-Rod like that and still win the stage (Roddie doesn’t seem to have gifted the stage, either, definitely kept putting in the digs up to the end.)
Turn on the sound and listen for the Italian commentator’s head to pop in excitement at the end. David Harmon’s head also almost popped.
@frank
YES! This is what I listened to live this morning. do not need to be Italian to understand that! Cannot believe that J-Rod would gift that as the 20 second time bonus might be decisive in the end.
@Buck Rogers
As was I. It was great.
@Oli
Damn what a shame. The only thing to do is head out to the garage, break my chain and soak it in some degreaser. While I’m waiting for the solvent to strip all the good stuff out I think I’ll glue up those tubulars I’ve been meaning to get to, making sure the tire labels are correctly oriented on the non drive side. *Sniff.*
@ChrisO
Likewise. I tried to talk about cycling, but got no traction. Went away for a day, and now Oli’s gone. Crazy times!
Can someone close this post and we’ll pretend it never happened?
@frank
Good job weighing in.
@frank
Okay, I’m back. Somewhat humbly, but still with my usual desire to be understood after a friend told me about TheStraightBlock’s “deleted” call.
When I said I was leaving it wasn’t because I was petulant at being called, or trying to act the victim, it was because I felt through some strong reactions to my posts that my somewhat intractable nature maybe isn’t a good fit around here. It wasn’t because I was being insulted or because Frank “defended” himself, it was because I don’t want my at times acrimonious presence to drag down what is on the whole a great positive website – as I don’t seem to be able to prevent myself from arguing stupid points I think need arguing against until long after the fun has gone (if it was ever there), I felt that for everyone’s sake it’s perhaps best if I pull the pin and take my bullshit away. Perhaps I just need to work harder on repressing my combative side…
I do appreciate the support, of course, but am certainly not afraid of the opposite, and it’s not praise or support that drives me.
In future, if I’m commenting I’ll try to stick to my inane cycling facts and ignore the hypocrisies and inconsistencies that seem to rile me so much, and which I am fully aware I’m guilty of also!
Pedal on, Oli
@Oli
Oh, hell yeeaauh! Please though, keep your holster open and ready to shoot.
@Oli
That’s great.
@Oli
Oli, you are ~hands down~ my favorite poster on this site.
…all I can say.
@Oli
Oli, you had me at “hello”.
Cannot picture the place without you. Now please throw us a few facts that i do not know (shouldn’t be too hard!!!).
@Oli
Glad to have you back Oli. Its passion that drives this place and keeps it going, don’t apologize for feeling strongly about something or being yourself.
And don’t stick to the inane cycling facts (surely that’s an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one!). Just keep doing what you do.
If there’s a lesson in this for all of us to learn (even if that breaks with my model of never learning from anything) – its that maybe after the fifth or sixth time the dead horse has been beaten, it might stay dead and we can all let it go. I could certainly be better at that myself. But again, it comes with the territory of being passionate about things, so we all have to take the good with the bad.
In the meantime, this thread doesn’t do much to restore Humanity’s faith in Rule V. Come on everybody, it just takes 50 posts of Awesome to bury this whole conversation into the next page of posts.
I’ll start.
Rule V, Rule #9. The guy in back is, I think wiping away his tears as Hinault buries the pin.
@frank
Although on the day of Robbie McEwen’s retirement it is somewhat apt to have people bickering.
Hijacking all live threads to talk about the bloke who could be almost my favorite-ever Aussie rider. In the pantheon (thats right, we now have a pantheon) of Great (and pioneering – in terms of “first time” achievements) Australian road riders, he would be right up there with the likes of Opperman, Anderson, O’Grady and Evans…
Alright Frank, (Tony Clifton) “How do you make five pounds of fat look good. Put a nipple on it!”
Freaking Hoogerland.
@Marcus
Unfortunately for Aussie road racing, that is also the comprehensive list.
@frank
Repost \ Campagnolo ultra-narrow chain (5.9mm) Record now Centaur and Chorus now Veloce.
@frank
Glad we can get back to arguing about matters of subjective substance which cannot be resolved – rather than stupid semantics.
That might be a comprehensive list Frank, if you excluded a 3-time World TT champ, an MSR winner who has won stages in all 3 grand tours, another TdF green jersey winner – and don’t even start me on all our Olympic gold medallists who have made a successful transition to the road.
Whilst you are an American with misplaced delusions of being Dutch (you really are just another dumb fuck American), face it, deep down you really wish you were Australian. Oh the lyrical you would wax about Aussie cyclists and their panache. But instead, you come up with shit reasons to dislike someone like Simon Gerrans.
@frank
Is it me, or is it much more motivating to chase down a rider rather than to stave riders off?
@versio
Think it might be a question of relative levels of fatigue. The rider ahead will usually have spent a lot more of his pennies – and by definition, if you are chasing down a rider, you must be going at a faster speed than him – otherwise he is dropping you…
@Marcus
Agreed. Generally though my digging feels deeper and continues when I have a target to chase. I have had successful episodes going off the front too. But I always consider riding off the back as good training to go off the front. Especially when you have been counted out. Attack!
@frank
Finished my pull of 5 post. I’m done.
@Marcus
Ok, let’s not be silly now. No one except Minion actually wishes they were Australian.
Big time Rule #5 right here
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk3w9dNQ5o1qj7zg7o1_500.jpg
Can you fix that for me frank?
@RedRanger
Here (filler reply post)