Categories: The HardmenThe Rules

Tour de France Rule #5 Award: Johnny Hoogerland

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Not an absolute; the beauty of Rule #5 is the graduated scale upon which it is measured. Rule #5 means to push yourself beyond the signals your body sends to stop what you’re doing, usually with ever-increasing urgency. It means to disobey reason and to surpass physical boundaries previously considered impassable. This is why Rule #5 stands apart: it is measured upon a personal scale; not against others, but against the very limits of your own mind and body.

In a tradition started last year, the Velominati hand out the Rule #5 Award to the rider whom we feel most embodied the spirit of Rule #5 during the hardest race of the year, Le Tour de France. By overwhelming consensus, the community has identified Johnny Hoogerland as the most deserving winner this year; as such, we present him with this humble award for fighting through one of the most gruesome crashes any of us can recall.

Brett’s Take:

In New Zealand, there’s a saying that “you can fix anything with Number 8 fencing wire” It means that no matter how hard the task, a bit of elbow grease and determination – not to mention ingenuity – can solve the problem.

But not even Number 8 wire is a match for the guts shown by Johnny Hoogerland on Stage 9 of the Tour de France. In fact, barbed wire fences lining the roads of Europe will be cowering at the thought of Johnny catapulting towards them, laying waste to their pitiful attempts to force him to abandon. #8 wire? Pffft… It’s Rule #5 wire where Johnny’s concerned.

Chapeau Johnny, you are a true hardman of cycling and a deserving winner of the Rule #5 Award. Enjoy a cold one after laying down The V.

Frank’s Take:

How do you single out one rider as ‘the tough guy’ in a race where 200 racers participate in 21 days of racing nearly back-to-back, over the highest mountains in all kinds of weather? How do you single out one rider in a race where a 3-hour 100km Stage raced a bloc over the Telegraph, Galibier, and up l’Alpe d’Huez figures as a “short” stage? How do you pick out one rider in a race lasting more than 86 hours fought out by competitors so tough and closely matched that the time differences are measured in fractions of minutes, not fractions of hours?

How do you pick out one rider when each stage saw riders risk their lives descending at 80kmh (or more) on melting or rain-slick tarmac? How do you pick out one rider when you see a GC contender throw caution to the wind in a do-or-die 60km break over the most difficult climbs in the world in a Hail Mary attempt to win the Tour?  How do you  pick one rider when you see a heroic effort to bring back that same man and singlehandedly drag him within reach? How do you pick out one rider in a race where sprinters won mountain stages and rouleurs fought for the Maillot Verde? How do you pick one rider in a race where the strength of the adversaries defines the quality of the winner?

I’ll tell you how: You pick the guy who catapulted into a rusty barbed-wire fence at 65 kmh because a man driving a car for the media decided his job was more important than that of those doing the racing. You pick a guy who was robbed of the chance to win a stage and go on to defend the Dotty Jumper by a driver who was ordered by race officials to pull over not once, but twice in order to make way for the team cars. You pick the guy who goes on to laugh it off, suggesting the driver didn’t mean him any harm. You pick the guy who did all that and not only finished the stage within the time limit, but managed to take the Polkadot Jersey that day and hold it for a few more. You pick the guy who, after he received dozens of stitches in addition to the damage done when you come off a bicycle at such speeds (it’s not the falling off that is the problem, but the quick stop afterwards that is), went on to finish every other stage and even get into several more breakaways along the way.

Johnny, it’s hardmen like you who make this sport so incredible and remind us that it’s not just the man who stands on top of the podium at the end of the day who is tough. It’s the fact that they beat riders like you, riders who can endure more hardship than most of us can comprehend that makes this such a great sport. You remind us that there is a reason we dub the men who finish the Tour de France Giants of the Road. As a fellow Dutchman, it is my profound pleasure to offer you the well-deserved Rule #5 Award. I hope you allow yourself a beer or two.  Cheers.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • A special shout out should also go to Tommy V. For turning himself inside out to hold on to that jersey for as long as he did.

  • @Gianni

    Nice one Frank. I hope Johnny H can find this fine pint glass among all the other swag that must be coming his way. He can fill it with "dutch courage." It is amazing he finished that day's race and went on to get in break after break and ride into Paris. He has no excuses to not finish any Tour he enters now. Ouch. Speaking of ouch...

    Who wouldn't climb into the ambulance after this?

    It's the ligaments showing on his knee that really make my skin crawl.

    By the way, I lightly grazed my palm on the little metal rail you use to cut tin foil from the roll while rooting around in a drawer today. I was inconsolable.

  • @Chris

    @Dr C
    Absolutely an honourable mention for Jens, when ever it looked tough he seemed to be out the front burrying himself for his team

    Yes, yes, Jens definitely lives in the House that Rule #5 Built. The whistling that day was great. Andy to Jens, then Jens to whats-his-face.

    What amazes me about Jens is the way he'll just go from 100% to 0. He goes till he blows. Hey, that rhymes!

  • @Ron

    Are we going to have to get an ignore feature up and running so all of us can ignore one COTHO poster?

    I wouldn't want to do that. Gotta keep things lively. 'Sides, Frank can handle himself. I'll post this one more time 'cause the last time it was for Leroy, but in the middle of the TT (think folks including myself were focused elsewhere):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhmjnYKlVnM

  • @Chris

    Guys like Hoogerland, Voigt, Montfort, countless unamed domestiques do this but rarely get any mention. We chose to recognize such efforts and hold them up as something to aspire to and maybe even take that ethos to our own riding.

    Exactly, Cuddles laid down loads of V. And he got his prize for his efforts.

    As you say, Rule #5 has nothing to do with winning, even if you can't win without it.

    @scaler911

    @Ron

    Are we going to have to get an ignore feature up and running so all of us can ignore one COTHO poster?

    I wouldn't want to do that. Gotta keep things lively. 'Sides, Frank can handle himself. I'll post this one more time 'cause the last time it was for Leroy, but in the middle of the TT (think folks including myself were focused elsewhere):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhmjnYKlVnM

    Gold.

  • @frank

    By the way, I lightly grazed my palm on the little metal rail you use to cut tin foil from the roll while rooting around in a drawer today. I was inconsolable.

    Awfully "womanish" of you Frank.

  • @Cyclops

    @frank

    By the way, I lightly grazed my palm on the little metal rail you use to cut tin foil from the roll while rooting around in a drawer today. I was inconsolable.

    Awfully "womanish" of you Frank.

    What's perhaps funniest to me is that he's paying so little attention that he thinks calling me a sissy, douchebag, poser, or bitch is in some way newsworthy. As if each and every one of you don't already know that.

    @Jangari

    In honour of Hoogerland's feat of sheer strength and reverence to Rule #5, I will start using the expression 'Hoogerland the fuck up!'

    +1

  • @frank

    @Chris


    Guys like Hoogerland, Voigt, Montfort, countless unamed domestiques do this but rarely get any mention. We chose to recognize such efforts and hold them up as something to aspire to and maybe even take that ethos to our own riding.

    Exactly, Cuddles laid down loads of V. And he got his prize for his efforts.
    As you say, Rule #5 has nothing to do with winning, even if you can't win without it.

    If you're going to win, it helps if your team mates have it. Cuddles may have appeared to have been working by himself over the last few stages (the Champs-Élysées apart) but his team got him to point where he could chase down the Grimplette
  • @Frank @Brett

    Fucken spot on with your award... I could not understand how JH could be so forgiving of the driver at the end of the day, nor how he could get back on his bike... After the crash, the next day, ever

    Great article, great tradition. And great runner up with JENS! That dude is forty this year, and I LOVED that stage where he rode off the road, got back on, crashed on a corner, got back on... Fought back to the front then buried it at the front on the first part of the climb for Frandy... And reading his blog, he's pretty magnanimous to both Cadel (for winning) and the Schleck's (for not)

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