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A Study in Casually Deliberate: Wait Properly

Casually Deliberate" src="http://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Reporters_adab0bcf0e6a70670.jpg" alt="" width="620" height="508" />

Photo: Reporters Magazine

We spend a small enormity of time waiting. We wait for lights to turn green. We wait for riders to arrive to the ride. We wait for riding partners to finish repairing a flat or mechanical. Due to various practical considerations including the perceived notion that armchairs don’t stuff well into jersey pockets, we generally find ourselves doing our waiting astride our machines rather than more customary accommodations.

Like all Cycling activities, waiting must be undertaken with utmost attention to style and class, with the principles of Casually Deliberate applying in spades. This presents a number of technical challenges, however. Noting that we are clad in full-body spandex, ballet slippers, and what amounts to a hollowed-out coconut on our heads, the matter of looking cool is complicated not insignificantly when seeking to appear at ease perched upon the crossbar of our bikes, a device more likely to be used to provide sterility treatment than comfortable seating.

Take, for example, this photo of Faboo, Burghardt, and Huevo Rancheros. Motorcus and Burggie are using my preferred method of extending the right leg while resting the topmost portion of the hamstring on the top tube just fore of the seatpost. I prefer this technique not only for its obvious casual nature, but for its numerous functional qualities. First, having the right leg, not the left, extended ensures we don’t inadvertently apply the Cat 5 Tattoo. Second, it ensures our hamstring doesn’t become a hamstrung should the right foot suffer unexpected slippage.

Huevo, in contrast, is using an entirely unorthodox approach adopted, I’m assuming, from riding his skuut. Knowing he’s had some work done in the region, I suspect it might be more comfortable for him than for anyone not similarly unaltered and it is with that consideration that I strongly recommend this approach be avoided.

A broad glance at the riders in this photo reveals myriad examples of Waiting Properly while employing subtle differences in execution. The similarities are clear, however:

Under no circumstances is one to look straight ahead or focus on a single object, however interesting that object may be. Instead, always look up or down, or try looking thoughtfully into the distance; just because you’re a Cyclist doesn’t mean you’re not also concerned about world issues.
Just like in band photos, never smile unnecessarily. Sure, you enjoy cycling, but your bike isn’t telling amusing anecdotes. Also don’t frown, because that’s depressing. Accepted facial expressions include keeping a straight face or grimacing because of how hard you just drilled it coming up to the light.
Decide what to do with your hands. Rest your elbows on the tops of your bars, lean with your hands on the hoods on locked elbows, or sit upright with your hands loosely draped in your lap. Experts may mix and match.
Waiting at a café while sipping an espresso and perusing the morning paper may be done while leaning against the toptube of the bicycle, but risks include having the bicycle roll to the right or left unexpectedly, resulting in the obvious undesirable effects.
Waiting at a café may also be undertaken while the bicycle has been lovingly leaned against a nearby wall. In this case, however, one must be careful to read a French daily.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

eightzero says:

Nov 3 2011 at 12:48 pm

@Tartan1749

If I were to get a cycling related tattoo, might I suggest the following character from Pellos' Monstrous Mountains of the TdF 1950. Imagine this on the rear of the calf - just making a mockery of the pussies behind you as you lay down The V. God, I love this.

FUCKIN' A-MERCKX! NOW we're on to something!
il ciclista medio says:

Nov 3 2011 at 3:49 pm

@Blah
Not at the time, but always comments post ride "how did that happen?" Easy target for some of us and he is a sweet natured bloke, so he still hasn't twigged that we're a bunch of cheeky bastards!
michael says:

Nov 3 2011 at 4:37 pm

To echo someone else's thoughts above, there is no casually deliberate in cyclocross, else this could happen.
Blah says:

Nov 3 2011 at 4:47 pm

@il ciclista medio

@Blah
Not at the time, but always comments post ride "how did that happen?" Easy target for some of us and he is a sweet natured bloke, so he still hasn't twigged that we're a bunch of cheeky bastards!

Ahhhh. That just warms my heart to hear. Nice.
Marko says:

Nov 3 2011 at 5:27 pm

@huffalotpuffalot

@All slightly unrelated but Rouleur is doing a series of mechanical evenings. First one is on the 5th of December in London. http://www.rouleur.cc/wrench

That's super cool. I see this idea being an addition/option to a Cogal. Some of the most fun I've had around bikes has been wrenching with other cyclists and exchanging information. Add some beer and voila! Instant awesome.
Tartan1749 says:

Nov 3 2011 at 5:55 pm

@Marko
Some friends and I did exactly that in the Spring with our mountain bikes: 5 friends, 2 bike stands, a trainer, degreaser, tools, a case of homebrews and we were set on a cold dreary afternoon here in Pittsburgh. I highly recommend such an activity!
Marko says:

Nov 3 2011 at 6:20 pm

@Tartan1749
A-Merckx. Good times. Just last night, a colleague and I, at the behest of the campus sustainability committee, conducted a bike tune-up night for students. We all had a blast. 10 or so students with a total hodgepodge of bikes.

The fun part was teaching students some of the most rudementary mech skills and seeing them feel so much more control and pride over their bikes. Something as simple (to me) as a Park chain cleaner was a revelation to some people. Cleaning/greasing, replacing shitty cables, adjusting derailluers, fine tuning brakes, etc. all helped people breathe new excitement into riding their old whips. Way fun.
Steampunk says:

Nov 3 2011 at 6:26 pm

@Marko
Good times, indeed! I drop by our student-run bike co-op just to take it all in on a regular basis. It kind of weirds out the students a bit, but they're cool with it. Had a meeting with our sustainability office just yesterday to talk about promoting safe riding and commuting on and around campus, and stressed the need to build in some kind of widespread bike maintenance instruction program. Could be fun...
Steampunk says:

Nov 3 2011 at 6:28 pm

@eightzero
This is much cooler than your last tattoo plan.
Buck Rogers says:

Nov 3 2011 at 6:56 pm

@frank

@Oli
Millar, the king of Casually Deliberate. Dude is all class, all the time.

Not to mention that he's got a proper amount of post showing.

I also admire a guy who's willing to spray Fine Champange on a pretty girl while looking like a jackass. Pleased to see him rocking the cycling cap on the podium, by the way.

I'll make a final comment on his Big Ring

and leave you with this thought:

I am gaining so much more respect for him through reading Le MÃ©tier. I always kind of liked him but he is rapidly becoming one of my most favorites. Total class and such a perfect cycling persona. Exudes the essence of the Velominati in solo many ways.