A Study in Casually Deliberate: Wait Properly
We spend a small enormity of time waiting. We wait for lights to turn green. We wait for riders to arrive to the ride. We wait for riding partners to finish repairing a flat or mechanical. Due to various practical considerations including the perceived notion that armchairs don’t stuff well into jersey pockets, we generally find ourselves doing our waiting astride our machines rather than more customary accommodations.
Like all Cycling activities, waiting must be undertaken with utmost attention to style and class, with the principles of Casually Deliberate applying in spades. This presents a number of technical challenges, however. Noting that we are clad in full-body spandex, ballet slippers, and what amounts to a hollowed-out coconut on our heads, the matter of looking cool is complicated not insignificantly when seeking to appear at ease perched upon the crossbar of our bikes, a device more likely to be used to provide sterility treatment than comfortable seating.
Take, for example, this photo of Faboo, Burghardt, and Huevo Rancheros. Motorcus and Burggie are using my preferred method of extending the right leg while resting the topmost portion of the hamstring on the top tube just fore of the seatpost. I prefer this technique not only for its obvious casual nature, but for its numerous functional qualities. First, having the right leg, not the left, extended ensures we don’t inadvertently apply the Cat 5 Tattoo. Second, it ensures our hamstring doesn’t become a hamstrung should the right foot suffer unexpected slippage.
Huevo, in contrast, is using an entirely unorthodox approach adopted, I’m assuming, from riding his skuut. Knowing he’s had some work done in the region, I suspect it might be more comfortable for him than for anyone not similarly unaltered and it is with that consideration that I strongly recommend this approach be avoided.
A broad glance at the riders in this photo reveals myriad examples of Waiting Properly while employing subtle differences in execution. The similarities are clear, however:
- Under no circumstances is one to look straight ahead or focus on a single object, however interesting that object may be. Instead, always look up or down, or try looking thoughtfully into the distance; just because you’re a Cyclist doesn’t mean you’re not also concerned about world issues.
- Just like in band photos, never smile unnecessarily. Sure, you enjoy cycling, but your bike isn’t telling amusing anecdotes. Also don’t frown, because that’s depressing. Accepted facial expressions include keeping a straight face or grimacing because of how hard you just drilled it coming up to the light.
- Decide what to do with your hands. Rest your elbows on the tops of your bars, lean with your hands on the hoods on locked elbows, or sit upright with your hands loosely draped in your lap. Experts may mix and match.
- Waiting at a café while sipping an espresso and perusing the morning paper may be done while leaning against the toptube of the bicycle, but risks include having the bicycle roll to the right or left unexpectedly, resulting in the obvious undesirable effects.
- Waiting at a café may also be undertaken while the bicycle has been lovingly leaned against a nearby wall. In this case, however, one must be careful to read a French daily.
@michael
Yes, basically, we’re just trying to be Cycling Jedi Badass Masters.
On an related note, the internet kicks ass. I once had KRX-10 rip all the lightsaber scenes from all Star Wars movies into one back-to-back series of AWESOME. It took him a month, during which I assume he didn’t eat, sleep, or drink. Now you can conjure up such things at the flick of the YouTube Wand.
Don’t listen to Frank…
@eightzero
After you do this, you and Ron can go for a ride, you with your permanent Cat 5 tat and Ron in his replica Carrara demin bibs.
@brett
I agree, unless Frank has some ink we dont know about he wouldn’t be a good source of advice about tattoos. Now as a person with some epic ink I would highly advise against that idea for a tat.
@RedRanger
Yeah, I’ve never seen a cycling-themed tatt that looks any good… except for Marcus’ Pharmy tribute obviously.
@Nate
Well played, mate.
@RedRanger
Who says I don’t? You don’t know my life, bitch.
Ok, I give up. I don’t.
@brett
OK, settle. It’s not like your tramp stamp counts as “epic ink” so you’re just as poorly off as I am!
Don’t get a chainring tat! Ugh.
If you really want one just let your leg contact a dirty ring and BAM, tattoo without the cost or regret.
One of the best things about Rule #33? Being able to quickly wipe off any dirty lube (“Beavis: Heh heh, he said dirty lube heh”) that may inadvertently find it’s way onto the side of your calf when trying to look casually deliberate.
Not that I’d ever have to quickly wipe a cat 5 tat from my leg. Never.
As a pro-tat person myself I like the idea. It’s ironic innit.
I have often wanted to get a cycling-related tattoo, and the calf is a good place because it is often the last place to be covered up when cycling. I also have delusions of creating some dynamic ink effect with my rippling calf muscles.
So would the panel please suggest any alternatives ? A Molteni logo ? The Peugeot checkerband ? Rainbow stripes would probably attract the wrong sort of attention, and representations of Alpe d’Huez may be artistically stretched.
If you’re coming at this from the point of view of not liking tattoos in the first place then the fact that it is a Cat5 would be immaterial.
@ChrisO
It might be ironic if a thousand wannabes hadn’t done it already, but sadly they have so it would just make you an unoriginal wannabe. In general I like tats, by the way.
Haha @frank that photo of Millar suited up is hilarious.
My commuter was out a while back, in hospital (mechanics) and so I was forced to ride my No.1 to work in my suit. It’s a rule violation but I felt awesome anyway.
So, back on the Casually Deliberate waiting for lights to change. What is the ruling on track standing? Obviously one has to be sufficiently skilled to carry it off with aplomb, but does this still count as Casually Deliberate?
@The Potato Man
Hell yeah. So long as you’re rock solid and looking straight ahead or at a lovely lass on the street corner.
@Oli
Ah, that’s different – the fact that lots of people have done it makes it post-modern irony. Although I admit he might need to add an emoticon to make sure everyone understands.
I suspect also that it is a lot more prevalent in the antipodes where tattoos are spread more evenly across the social demographics and the climate tends to favour the baring of skin. I can’t say I’ve seen it done much in the UK.
Anyway, better suggestions for cycling skin-art motifs still required. Perhaps A Chromatic Guide to Gear Ratios ?
@Potato Man This answer may or not be influenced by my inability to do track stands but personally I think they fall on the rather too deliberate side of casual.
Just as Greek fisherman’s caps should only be worn if you are 1. Greek and 2. A Fisherman, Track Stands are for times that you wish to stand so as to launch a devastating attack on a track, not merely to impress your fellow commuters… unless you happen to take the same route to work as Gregory Bauges.
@ChrisO
Just Google image search “chainring tattoos” – I doubt many of these are from NZ (although I have seen a couple here). I’ve seen lots in MTB Action, MTBUK and various US mags. I do think they are more of a mountainbike affectation than a road one, so perhaps that’s your excuse. ;-)
Bottle of nipple lube would make a great tattoo. And a tatt of Cipo on the other side of whatever you tattoo.
I’m not sure that Cycling brands or icons are something that translate particularly well to tattoos. I’ve seen a couple of campag logos, and that’s IMO the most aesthetically pleasing one going, but honestly it looks like arse as a tattoo.
@Oli
Pretty big amongst those riding little wheels too (not the Brompton set!)
I wonder whether the choice of leg to extend is a learnt attribute based on which side of the road you typically ride on? Britain/Commonwealth countries – ride on the left, hence typically put out left leg to reach for curb when coming to a halt; opposite true in Continental Europe/North America. If you want to avoid unsightly chain ring marks, are you not better off leaving right foot in right pedal (unless you are a contortionist, surely impossible to get calf on to ring?) and extend left leg?
On the subject of trackstands – only if you can do it with complete and utter nonchalance, little or no body movement apart from the occasional backwards hop, certainly best avoided if you have to unclip just as the lights go green
Tattoos – whay spoil the beauty of a finely honed, ripped and polished muscle by drawing on it? Je ne comprendez pas
@Nof Landrien
This guy I know still ends up marking the calf. Just ask him something from behind when you’re all stopped at the lights. Turns around to respond and voila! Amateur stripes! Works every time.
@Nof Landrien
Agreed. In Oz I’ve always kept the right foot clipped in (no cat 5 tat possible then, unless you’re gifted) as that’s the side you have room to stretch out a leg (ie, not out not traffic). Right now casually deliberate at the lights means unclipping the left as I approach and resting my foot on the curb, all done in one movement coming to a stop. I stay in the saddle with the right foot just above parallel to the ground. The curbs here in Singapore are pretty high, so this is done easily.
I suppose a cat 5 tat would be possible if you let your right foot drop to 6 o’clock, but I don’t do that.
@il ciclista medio
Hehehe! How many lights I any given ride? Sounds fun. Big question: does he know he’s doing it?
@il ciclista medio
Personally I’m right leg dominant, so I extend the left leg as that’s the one I unclip. I really only encounter two stop lights on all my rides and neither stays red for long enough to strike such a pose – indeed most of the time a stop can be avoided with some judicious adjustment of speed beforehand. So I can’t figure out if I’m lucky or not – rarely having to stop at any lights, or missing out on some fine displays of casually deliberate posing . . .
@The Potato Man
I agree with the other Velominati who say do it only if you can roll up and sit the bike perfectly still.
In the States, we turn our front wheels to the left–turning into the rise at the crown of the road that slopes down to the gutter/curb. It’s a trackstand facing the wrong direction. To a trackie, it looks backwards, but to the common motorist, they wouldn’t know. Without absolute skill, it looks like what it is: a middle-aged male dressed in lycra pajamas and a goofy helmet wildly wiggling his front wheel and precariously trying not to fall over. It’s better to put the foot down, the leg out, and sit slightly askew on the top tube. Casually deliberate.
Forgot–if you race cyclocross, you pull the right foot out by habit. Why? Because you dismount to the left side of the bike by bringing your right leg over and behind the saddle while remaining clipped in with the left foot. This way you can roll up to a dismount ready to unclip the left foot and run with the bike on your right shoulder. Hence, you’ll see most older racers with their right foot down while sitting casually deliberate.
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Ah. I may be wrong, but Australia hasn’t had a cyclocross scene until recently (leave the country for five years and look what happens!) so there’ll be no influence there.
Despite the common dismounting maneuver, there is no rule how to sit Casually Deliberate when waiting for a cyclocross race to start.
@grumbledook
Right. Agreed. I wasn’t talking about how I sat before a race. I was talking about why I pull my right foot out at lights (instead of my left).
Before races, I usually stood with both feet down, bent over the bike, with my elbows resting on the bars. I was pretty anxious and I found anytime I felt jittery, on or off a bike, I’d stand bent over. Right before the start, I’d clip in my left foot (clips and straps), then the gun went off and I’d roll while clipping in the right and pulling on the stap button at the end of the Binda strap. Ancient history.
@The Potato Man
Track stands are out. You should be able to do one, but they are by their very nature too deliberate and not enough casual.
Track stands are the equivalent of the jogger who runs in place at the stop light. Ever notice how all the good runners just stop and wait, realizing that running in place does nothing to maintain your rhythm and just wastes energy?
Just put your foot down and relax. Its what all the cool kids do.
@ChrisO
+1
@ChrisO
Just finished reading your post…you know what they say about great minds…
Oh gosh, joggers jogging in place. I cringe I see this.
The icing on the cake is when they are 50 LBs overweight and wearing those dumb, gimmicky finger shoes. That gut needs all the support it can get, sport.
@Nof Landrien
I think you can get/avoid chain ring marks no matter what side you go on. Not having your leg near the chain ring is a good start.
@grumbledook
Exquisite.
By the way, is the an IF Titanium ‘cross bike? Considering having a local frame builder make me a Ti ‘cross bike and wondering how the material performs for the discipline.
@All slightly unrelated but Rouleur is doing a series of mechanical evenings. First one is on the 5th of December in London. http://www.rouleur.cc/wrench
@huffalotpuffalot
Awesome. I’m up for that.
Did you get to ride with Cav on Monday?
@Chris
Absolutely the epitome of casually deliberate. Perfect!
If I were to get a cycling related tattoo, might I suggest the following character from Pellos’ Monstrous Mountains of the TdF 1950. Imagine this on the rear of the calf – just making a mockery of the pussies behind you as you lay down the V. God, I love this.
@Buck Rogers
Are you still doing the Gruene Time Trial this weekend? I’m staying in Gruene Friday night and riding the 100k the next day.
Hate Fabien’s watch. Hated PhilGil’s watch this season as well. Hate watches on bike.
@itburns
Yes! My start time is 2:44:30 and I am registered as Buck Rogers. I did not realize that they had a metric century even available. Oh well, should be fun trying to kill myself on the uphill ITT!
@itburns
Also, I will be riding in full V- kit so you might see me around. If so, definitely give me a shout. I think that JiPM will posting our Texas Cogal ride info soon as well. Should be a great next four weeks if cycling for us!
@Tartan1749
FUCKIN’ A-MERCKX! NOW we’re on to something!
@Blah
Not at the time, but always comments post ride “how did that happen?” Easy target for some of us and he is a sweet natured bloke, so he still hasn’t twigged that we’re a bunch of cheeky bastards!
To echo someone else’s thoughts above, there is no casually deliberate in cyclocross, else this could happen.
@il ciclista medio
Ahhhh. That just warms my heart to hear. Nice.
@huffalotpuffalot
That’s super cool. I see this idea being an addition/option to a Cogal. Some of the most fun I’ve had around bikes has been wrenching with other cyclists and exchanging information. Add some beer and voila! Instant awesome.
@Marko
Some friends and I did exactly that in the Spring with our mountain bikes: 5 friends, 2 bike stands, a trainer, degreaser, tools, a case of homebrews and we were set on a cold dreary afternoon here in Pittsburgh. I highly recommend such an activity!
@Tartan1749
A-Merckx. Good times. Just last night, a colleague and I, at the behest of the campus sustainability committee, conducted a bike tune-up night for students. We all had a blast. 10 or so students with a total hodgepodge of bikes.
The fun part was teaching students some of the most rudementary mech skills and seeing them feel so much more control and pride over their bikes. Something as simple (to me) as a Park chain cleaner was a revelation to some people. Cleaning/greasing, replacing shitty cables, adjusting derailluers, fine tuning brakes, etc. all helped people breathe new excitement into riding their old whips. Way fun.
@Marko
Good times, indeed! I drop by our student-run bike co-op just to take it all in on a regular basis. It kind of weirds out the students a bit, but they’re cool with it. Had a meeting with our sustainability office just yesterday to talk about promoting safe riding and commuting on and around campus, and stressed the need to build in some kind of widespread bike maintenance instruction program. Could be fun…
@eightzero
This is much cooler than your last tattoo plan.
@frank
I am gaining so much more respect for him through reading Le Métier. I always kind of liked him but he is rapidly becoming one of my most favorites. Total class and such a perfect cycling persona. Exudes the essence of the Velominati in solo many ways.