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A Study in Casually Deliberate: Wait Properly

Casually Deliberate" src="http://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Reporters_adab0bcf0e6a70670.jpg" alt="" width="620" height="508" />

Photo: Reporters Magazine

We spend a small enormity of time waiting. We wait for lights to turn green. We wait for riders to arrive to the ride. We wait for riding partners to finish repairing a flat or mechanical. Due to various practical considerations including the perceived notion that armchairs don’t stuff well into jersey pockets, we generally find ourselves doing our waiting astride our machines rather than more customary accommodations.

Like all Cycling activities, waiting must be undertaken with utmost attention to style and class, with the principles of Casually Deliberate applying in spades. This presents a number of technical challenges, however. Noting that we are clad in full-body spandex, ballet slippers, and what amounts to a hollowed-out coconut on our heads, the matter of looking cool is complicated not insignificantly when seeking to appear at ease perched upon the crossbar of our bikes, a device more likely to be used to provide sterility treatment than comfortable seating.

Take, for example, this photo of Faboo, Burghardt, and Huevo Rancheros. Motorcus and Burggie are using my preferred method of extending the right leg while resting the topmost portion of the hamstring on the top tube just fore of the seatpost. I prefer this technique not only for its obvious casual nature, but for its numerous functional qualities. First, having the right leg, not the left, extended ensures we don’t inadvertently apply the Cat 5 Tattoo. Second, it ensures our hamstring doesn’t become a hamstrung should the right foot suffer unexpected slippage.

Huevo, in contrast, is using an entirely unorthodox approach adopted, I’m assuming, from riding his skuut. Knowing he’s had some work done in the region, I suspect it might be more comfortable for him than for anyone not similarly unaltered and it is with that consideration that I strongly recommend this approach be avoided.

A broad glance at the riders in this photo reveals myriad examples of Waiting Properly while employing subtle differences in execution. The similarities are clear, however:

Under no circumstances is one to look straight ahead or focus on a single object, however interesting that object may be. Instead, always look up or down, or try looking thoughtfully into the distance; just because you’re a Cyclist doesn’t mean you’re not also concerned about world issues.
Just like in band photos, never smile unnecessarily. Sure, you enjoy cycling, but your bike isn’t telling amusing anecdotes. Also don’t frown, because that’s depressing. Accepted facial expressions include keeping a straight face or grimacing because of how hard you just drilled it coming up to the light.
Decide what to do with your hands. Rest your elbows on the tops of your bars, lean with your hands on the hoods on locked elbows, or sit upright with your hands loosely draped in your lap. Experts may mix and match.
Waiting at a café while sipping an espresso and perusing the morning paper may be done while leaning against the toptube of the bicycle, but risks include having the bicycle roll to the right or left unexpectedly, resulting in the obvious undesirable effects.
Waiting at a café may also be undertaken while the bicycle has been lovingly leaned against a nearby wall. In this case, however, one must be careful to read a French daily.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Nov 2 2011 at 1:58 pm

@Souleur

great one frank, as usual
The Casually Deliberate 'waiting' is perhaps the task that I have had to stuggle with the most. I am patient, no doubt, but this waiting is different than our good virtue of 'patience'. Like for instance race day above, 'waiting' is very very difficult. I find myself nervous the night before, nervous the morning of, and by race time there is so much nervous energy pinned up, waiting is nearly impossible. The first moment a break takes, you jump, you respond, the peloton holds on...and your back together...but that wasn't the plan. Again, another, and one after another, and as a novice you learn....waiting is worth it. The break may go, but for the most part, not many stick and in the end (as metallica said) thats all that matters crossing the line.

Excellent observation, and nice working folding in a Metallica reference!
frank says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:01 pm

@Marko

What Pharmstrong lacks in testes he makes up for in guns. Holy cripes. And Burghardt rockin the Yellow Princesses and a BMC is my boy. But help me out here, who's the Garmin rider in green? That doesn't add up.

That's Millar for getting second in the prologue. I now realize that @Oli wasn't saying that Millar exemplifies Casually Deliberate (he does) but answering your question. Oli, use the fuckin' reply button! You're confusing tiny brain!
wiscot says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:01 pm

@Marko
Marko,

The Garmin rider is Millar. Likely Stage 1 or 2 of the 2010 Tour. By Stage 3 Petacchi was wearing green but Millar wore on stages one and two.
frank says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:04 pm

@eightzero

I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

That would be 52, not 48, but I did see a woman racer with a real cat 5 tat and I thought it was fucking hilarious. I say rock it.
Marko says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:30 pm

Of course Millar. Thanks you guys. For the life of me I couldn't remember that and my cursory search of the interwebs didn't provide me the answer (unless of course I count you all as a part of the interwebs, in which case it did, but you're so much more than interwebs to me). I'd forgotten he wore green last year briefly. Thanks.

And yes, that dude is casj del to the max. More importantly, his attitude and quotes are casj del. I also think (especially in the podium shot above) he bares a resemblance to Dennis Quaid in the greatest cycling motion picture feature of all time, no?
wiscot says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:37 pm

@frank
Millar was 3rd in the prologue. Martin was 2nd at 10 secs behind Faboo. Millar was 10 secs behind wee Tony. Martin likely wore white. Sorry to be such a pedant, but hey, I'm not the first around here to be so nit-picky!
eightzero says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:40 pm

@frank

@eightzero

I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

That would be 52, not 48, but I did see a woman racer with a real cat 5 tat and I thought it was fucking hilarious. I say rock it.

Now I gotta find a 52 tooth campy chainring to take to the artist...
Marcus says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:42 pm

@Marko
Finishing sentences with no makes one sound more EuroPro and probably more intelligent too, no?

Maybe there should be a rule about this, no?

See what I mean, no?
Marko says:

Nov 2 2011 at 2:45 pm

@Marcus
I do, eh.
huffalotpuffalot says:

Nov 2 2011 at 3:01 pm

@Frank As always a cracking article that really strikes a chord with the velominati's. I submit a couple of examples in my current screensaver.

Hugo

Merckx

Kelly

Anquetil / Poulidor

Bartali / Coppi