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A Study in Casually Deliberate: Wait Properly

Casually Deliberate" src="http://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Reporters_adab0bcf0e6a70670.jpg" alt="" width="620" height="508" />

Photo: Reporters Magazine

We spend a small enormity of time waiting. We wait for lights to turn green. We wait for riders to arrive to the ride. We wait for riding partners to finish repairing a flat or mechanical. Due to various practical considerations including the perceived notion that armchairs don’t stuff well into jersey pockets, we generally find ourselves doing our waiting astride our machines rather than more customary accommodations.

Like all Cycling activities, waiting must be undertaken with utmost attention to style and class, with the principles of Casually Deliberate applying in spades. This presents a number of technical challenges, however. Noting that we are clad in full-body spandex, ballet slippers, and what amounts to a hollowed-out coconut on our heads, the matter of looking cool is complicated not insignificantly when seeking to appear at ease perched upon the crossbar of our bikes, a device more likely to be used to provide sterility treatment than comfortable seating.

Take, for example, this photo of Faboo, Burghardt, and Huevo Rancheros. Motorcus and Burggie are using my preferred method of extending the right leg while resting the topmost portion of the hamstring on the top tube just fore of the seatpost. I prefer this technique not only for its obvious casual nature, but for its numerous functional qualities. First, having the right leg, not the left, extended ensures we don’t inadvertently apply the Cat 5 Tattoo. Second, it ensures our hamstring doesn’t become a hamstrung should the right foot suffer unexpected slippage.

Huevo, in contrast, is using an entirely unorthodox approach adopted, I’m assuming, from riding his skuut. Knowing he’s had some work done in the region, I suspect it might be more comfortable for him than for anyone not similarly unaltered and it is with that consideration that I strongly recommend this approach be avoided.

A broad glance at the riders in this photo reveals myriad examples of Waiting Properly while employing subtle differences in execution. The similarities are clear, however:

Under no circumstances is one to look straight ahead or focus on a single object, however interesting that object may be. Instead, always look up or down, or try looking thoughtfully into the distance; just because you’re a Cyclist doesn’t mean you’re not also concerned about world issues.
Just like in band photos, never smile unnecessarily. Sure, you enjoy cycling, but your bike isn’t telling amusing anecdotes. Also don’t frown, because that’s depressing. Accepted facial expressions include keeping a straight face or grimacing because of how hard you just drilled it coming up to the light.
Decide what to do with your hands. Rest your elbows on the tops of your bars, lean with your hands on the hoods on locked elbows, or sit upright with your hands loosely draped in your lap. Experts may mix and match.
Waiting at a café while sipping an espresso and perusing the morning paper may be done while leaning against the toptube of the bicycle, but risks include having the bicycle roll to the right or left unexpectedly, resulting in the obvious undesirable effects.
Waiting at a café may also be undertaken while the bicycle has been lovingly leaned against a nearby wall. In this case, however, one must be careful to read a French daily.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

il ciclista medio says:

Nov 2 2011 at 4:24 pm

Great piece again frank and highly amusing. Appropriate band photo BTW with Joey showing just a hint of a smirk.
The casually deliberate pose while waiting is always at the back of my mind. Red traffic lights? An opportunity to wait properly whilst deliberating the current state of world economies yet still slightly annoyed frown showing, as having to wait instead of laying down the V. Does that make me a SNAC (sensitive new age cyclist)?
jnunberg says:

Nov 2 2011 at 4:50 pm

Ramones!
frank says:

Nov 2 2011 at 5:11 pm

@wiscot

@frank
Millar was 3rd in the prologue. Martin was 2nd at 10 secs behind Faboo. Millar was 10 secs behind wee Tony. Martin likely wore white. Sorry to be such a pedant, but hey, I'm not the first around here to be so nit-picky!

I love it! You're coming into your own!@Oli

@frank
Okay, okay!!

As a matter of course, I meant to say "Oli, use the fuckin' reply button! You're confusing my tiny brain!" - I was trying to insult myself, but insulted you instead. Call it instinct.
frank says:

Nov 2 2011 at 5:17 pm

@minion

@eightzero

I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

I know a courier who had one of those tattooed into the back of his calf.
I say go for it.
Just don't blame me for doing the stupidest fucking thing I could possibly imagine. When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

@Oli

I'm with Minion. A chainring tattoo says three things: 1) I don't know how to keep my drivetrain clean, 2) I'm such a noob I don't know how to stop from getting the filth all over me, and 3) I'm actually proud of these unco character traits.

@eightzero

@minion

@eightzero

I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

Amateur stripes?

That's three wins in a row. IPA through-the-nose gold!

New favorite, by the by, is the Seattle Two Beers Evolutionary IPA. In cans, of course, I try not to drink beer packaged in bottles anymore, if I can help it. Cans, poured into a V-Pint: tastes just like from the tap.

@wiscot, @huffalotpuffalot
Kelly with four asses and clipless pedals! Wrong wrong wrong!
frank says:

Nov 2 2011 at 5:28 pm

@huffalotpuffalot

I think this is my all-time favorite cycling photograph, and I thought about using it as the main photo, except I can't find a big enough version of it. The Phophet, of course, but look at it all. Perfect, model Cash Del going on, perfectly manicured and drilled-out machine, brake levers positioned perfectly, gorgeous wheels. He even has the lazy levers set to the most elegant position possible. And, you know that saddle was adjusted once or twice on the ride over.

I'm just not sure why he bothered with the little ring; surely it got little use.

Byt that brings up another thought I've had kicking around for ages. I catch a lot of shit for how low my bars are, but check out the drop on his bars. That's not a compact or shallow-drop; those are some old-school deep-drop bends.

Looking at the photo, if I were to match up a scale-model of my own bike to his, I bet the tops of the bars would be way higher than mine, the hoods a bit higher, and the bottom of the drops at about the same height. Maybe I'll try to photoshop something, but I'd feel dirty besmirching that photo with an overlay of my bike(s).
Nate says:

Nov 2 2011 at 5:35 pm

@frank
Does anyone even make drops that deep anymore?
Andrew says:

Nov 2 2011 at 5:59 pm

@harminator
thank you for that Harminator - can't stop laughing. not even going to try explain this to the rest of the office.
minion says:

Nov 2 2011 at 6:18 pm

@eightzero

@minion

@eightzero

I need a ruling from The Keepers on the Cat V tattoo. Would a permanent one (representing 55 teeth) be Cool or Not Cool? I know The V-Cog tattoo is Cool, as @marco has clearly demonstrated, but how about a facimile cut into the guns for real? Or maybe a 48 tooth version representing the numbe of teeth The Prophet pushed to the hour record?

When you say cat five tattoo you mean getting amateur stripes tattooed into the back of your leg right?

Amateur stripes?

Amateur stripes = grease marks on the back of your calf from bumping the chainring into your leg while trying to look casually deliberate. And it had better be your right fucking leg. If it's on your left leg, well, there ain't nothing anyone can do for you. Best go find that cliff to throw your cycling self off.
Oli says:

Nov 2 2011 at 6:49 pm

@frank
Haha! I knew that instantly - as if you'd insult me!
michael says:

Nov 2 2011 at 7:22 pm

My favorite casually deliberate image, skip right to about 2:10