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A Study in Casually Deliberate: Wait Properly

Casually Deliberate" src="http://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Reporters_adab0bcf0e6a70670.jpg" alt="" width="620" height="508" />

Photo: Reporters Magazine

We spend a small enormity of time waiting. We wait for lights to turn green. We wait for riders to arrive to the ride. We wait for riding partners to finish repairing a flat or mechanical. Due to various practical considerations including the perceived notion that armchairs don’t stuff well into jersey pockets, we generally find ourselves doing our waiting astride our machines rather than more customary accommodations.

Like all Cycling activities, waiting must be undertaken with utmost attention to style and class, with the principles of Casually Deliberate applying in spades. This presents a number of technical challenges, however. Noting that we are clad in full-body spandex, ballet slippers, and what amounts to a hollowed-out coconut on our heads, the matter of looking cool is complicated not insignificantly when seeking to appear at ease perched upon the crossbar of our bikes, a device more likely to be used to provide sterility treatment than comfortable seating.

Take, for example, this photo of Faboo, Burghardt, and Huevo Rancheros. Motorcus and Burggie are using my preferred method of extending the right leg while resting the topmost portion of the hamstring on the top tube just fore of the seatpost. I prefer this technique not only for its obvious casual nature, but for its numerous functional qualities. First, having the right leg, not the left, extended ensures we don’t inadvertently apply the Cat 5 Tattoo. Second, it ensures our hamstring doesn’t become a hamstrung should the right foot suffer unexpected slippage.

Huevo, in contrast, is using an entirely unorthodox approach adopted, I’m assuming, from riding his skuut. Knowing he’s had some work done in the region, I suspect it might be more comfortable for him than for anyone not similarly unaltered and it is with that consideration that I strongly recommend this approach be avoided.

A broad glance at the riders in this photo reveals myriad examples of Waiting Properly while employing subtle differences in execution. The similarities are clear, however:

Under no circumstances is one to look straight ahead or focus on a single object, however interesting that object may be. Instead, always look up or down, or try looking thoughtfully into the distance; just because you’re a Cyclist doesn’t mean you’re not also concerned about world issues.
Just like in band photos, never smile unnecessarily. Sure, you enjoy cycling, but your bike isn’t telling amusing anecdotes. Also don’t frown, because that’s depressing. Accepted facial expressions include keeping a straight face or grimacing because of how hard you just drilled it coming up to the light.
Decide what to do with your hands. Rest your elbows on the tops of your bars, lean with your hands on the hoods on locked elbows, or sit upright with your hands loosely draped in your lap. Experts may mix and match.
Waiting at a café while sipping an espresso and perusing the morning paper may be done while leaning against the toptube of the bicycle, but risks include having the bicycle roll to the right or left unexpectedly, resulting in the obvious undesirable effects.
Waiting at a café may also be undertaken while the bicycle has been lovingly leaned against a nearby wall. In this case, however, one must be careful to read a French daily.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

The Potato Man says:

Nov 3 2011 at 12:16 am

So, back on the Casually Deliberate waiting for lights to change. What is the ruling on track standing? Obviously one has to be sufficiently skilled to carry it off with aplomb, but does this still count as Casually Deliberate?
mouse says:

Nov 3 2011 at 1:10 am

@The Potato Man
Hell yeah. So long as you're rock solid and looking straight ahead or at a lovely lass on the street corner.
ChrisO says:

Nov 3 2011 at 1:14 am

@Oli
Ah, that's different - the fact that lots of people have done it makes it post-modern irony. Although I admit he might need to add an emoticon to make sure everyone understands.

I suspect also that it is a lot more prevalent in the antipodes where tattoos are spread more evenly across the social demographics and the climate tends to favour the baring of skin. I can't say I've seen it done much in the UK.

Anyway, better suggestions for cycling skin-art motifs still required. Perhaps A Chromatic Guide to Gear Ratios ?

@Potato Man This answer may or not be influenced by my inability to do track stands but personally I think they fall on the rather too deliberate side of casual.

Just as Greek fisherman's caps should only be worn if you are 1. Greek and 2. A Fisherman, Track Stands are for times that you wish to stand so as to launch a devastating attack on a track, not merely to impress your fellow commuters... unless you happen to take the same route to work as Gregory Bauges.
Oli says:

Nov 3 2011 at 1:43 am

@ChrisO
Just Google image search "chainring tattoos" - I doubt many of these are from NZ (although I have seen a couple here). I've seen lots in MTB Action, MTBUK and various US mags. I do think they are more of a mountainbike affectation than a road one, so perhaps that's your excuse. ;-)
Minion says:

Nov 3 2011 at 2:02 am

Bottle of nipple lube would make a great tattoo. And a tatt of Cipo on the other side of whatever you tattoo.

I'm not sure that Cycling brands or icons are something that translate particularly well to tattoos. I've seen a couple of campag logos, and that's IMO the most aesthetically pleasing one going, but honestly it looks like arse as a tattoo.
Chris says:

Nov 3 2011 at 2:33 am

@Oli

@ChrisO
Just Google image search "chainring tattoos" - I doubt many of these are from NZ (although I have seen a couple here). I've seen lots in MTB Action, MTBUK and various US mags. I do think they are more of a mountainbike affectation than a road one, so perhaps that's your excuse. ;-)

Pretty big amongst those riding little wheels too (not the Brompton set!)
Nof Landrien says:

Nov 3 2011 at 3:04 am

I wonder whether the choice of leg to extend is a learnt attribute based on which side of the road you typically ride on? Britain/Commonwealth countries - ride on the left, hence typically put out left leg to reach for curb when coming to a halt; opposite true in Continental Europe/North America. If you want to avoid unsightly chain ring marks, are you not better off leaving right foot in right pedal (unless you are a contortionist, surely impossible to get calf on to ring?) and extend left leg?
Dr C says:

Nov 3 2011 at 3:10 am

On the subject of trackstands - only if you can do it with complete and utter nonchalance, little or no body movement apart from the occasional backwards hop, certainly best avoided if you have to unclip just as the lights go green

Tattoos - whay spoil the beauty of a finely honed, ripped and polished muscle by drawing on it? Je ne comprendez pas
il ciclista medio says:

Nov 3 2011 at 4:48 am

@Nof Landrien

I wonder whether the choice of leg to extend is a learnt attribute based on which side of the road you typically ride on? Britain/Commonwealth countries - ride on the left, hence typically put out left leg to reach for curb when coming to a halt; opposite true in Continental Europe/North America. If you want to avoid unsightly chain ring marks, are you not better off leaving right foot in right pedal (unless you are a contortionist, surely impossible to get calf on to ring?) and extend left leg?

This guy I know still ends up marking the calf. Just ask him something from behind when you're all stopped at the lights. Turns around to respond and voila! Amateur stripes! Works every time.
Blah says:

Nov 3 2011 at 4:52 am

@Nof Landrien

I wonder whether the choice of leg to extend is a learnt attribute based on which side of the road you typically ride on? Britain/Commonwealth countries - ride on the left, hence typically put out left leg to reach for curb when coming to a halt; opposite true in Continental Europe/North America. If you want to avoid unsightly chain ring marks, are you not better off leaving right foot in right pedal (unless you are a contortionist, surely impossible to get calf on to ring?) and extend left leg?

Agreed. In Oz I've always kept the right foot clipped in (no cat 5 tat possible then, unless you're gifted) as that's the side you have room to stretch out a leg (ie, not out not traffic). Right now casually deliberate at the lights means unclipping the left as I approach and resting my foot on the curb, all done in one movement coming to a stop. I stay in the saddle with the right foot just above parallel to the ground. The curbs here in Singapore are pretty high, so this is done easily.

I suppose a cat 5 tat would be possible if you let your right foot drop to 6 o'clock, but I don't do that.