As we grow older, humility takes it’s chilling hold. The little nagging questions like, “Will this next activity kill me?” start to weigh heavier on our minds. It’s not that these questions weren’t asked when we gripped our youth like a toddler grips his penis; it’s just that they didn’t mean as much to us then as they do now.
You see, when you’re young and that particular question is asked, it is spoken in a wimpy voice which sounds a lot like it’s being a Pussy. As we get older, the Smart Ones realize that annoying sound is actually the “Voice of Reason” and that perhaps we should not ask our buddy to “hold our beer” while we attempt the as-yet-unaccomplished feat of jumping our BMX from the top of the interchange to that tiny little ledge an impossible distance away.
Such is the progression from Sprinteur to Rouleur. The devaluation of risk versus reward; of the pleasure of winning versus the pleasure of winning at all costs. We’ve seen it before; Sean Kelly wins Green at the Tour more times than I can count and then turns to winning the Classics instead. Eddy Planckaert starts as a sprinter, eases into winning Flanders, then wins Green, and turns to winning Roubaix. Johan Museeuw wins Green and becomes the Lion of Flanders, never to ride the Tour again. George Hincapie made the same transition, albeit without any of the aforementioned results. I feel strongly that after a season of near-misses in the classics and taking a beating in the gallops, Tom Boonen is about to follow suit.
It’s a natural move from Sprinteur to Rouleur, but often it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact time when the transition happens; Kelly, Planckaert, and Museeuw made the change gradually. I don’t know who the guy is pictured here in front of Jalabert – he appears to be either Dutch or Luxembourgian, based on the cuffs of his sleeve. Whoever he is, he looks completely fucked – not to mention that we never heard from him again after such a nasty crash. I can make an educated guess that, based on the apish look on his face, he’s probably Dutch. (I’m Dutch, so that’s not racist. If you lash back in kind, I’ll sic the Anit-Dutch Police on you. They are mean, and will get the Swiss to write you an angry letter, so don’t tell me you weren’t warned.)
Between the two subjects in the photo, the Dutchemburg guy looks by far the better off. The crash was caused by a Policeman wanting to photograph the finish of the 1994 Tour Stage to Armentieres, and who in his idiotic Darwinism stepped into the path of the charging bunch. Jalabert required extensive facial surgery in order to stop looking like a stand-in for a horror movie, but nevertheless returned to win the Dotty Jumper a couple times in the Tour – distinguishing himself as the only rider besides Eddy Merckx and Bernard Hinault to win both the Spotted Dick and the Green Willie.
For that, I thank the ape-man in the sweet Cinelli hairnet for offering us the Defining Moment in Jalabert’s career when he became an all-rounder who won our hearts.
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The exception to this understandable evolution or devolution, depending on what side of the age spectrum you currently occupy, is Super Mario. Guy ceased to win sprints and quit. No silly comebacks to pay his taxes or alimony. Quit while he was still beautiful and fast.
No matter your opinion of him, you gotta admit that a lot of athletes would benefit from such a classy exit.
-Kaffeine
@KaffeineKeiser
Classy exit? I thought some cheetah or lion chased him down and ate him in that silly kit.
Point taken, but I think there's something admirable in trying to recreate yourself in a craft you love.
@Steampunk
There were certainly interesting costumes paraded around the roads of Italy and France, but hey it's Mario and he's beautiful. (Two years ago in a pastry shop at the start of the TdF stage in Cuneo, Italy I witnessed 3 old blue-haired local women standing behind Cippo as he waited for his macchiato, in full discussion about how beautiful his ass still is. Hand gestures to describe the shape and all. True story, should'a turned on my camera but I was stuffing my mouth with a cream puff.)
@KaffeineKeiser
You better not ever divulge your address to Gianni, but if you do, make sure your bedroom door is securely locked. I can hear his pulse racing as he reads your posts already.
I'm with you 100% and disagree, for once, with @Steampunk's defense of the comeback. Pharmy said himself when he retired that he wasn't going to be one of those guys who would keep showing up.
Cipo almost threatened to become a Rouleur in Gent-Wevelgem in 2002 when he bridged up to the break, but then he quickly realized he was still fast and went back to sprinting and winning World Championship Road Races and all that.
Flamboyant, silly, arrogant, but always with the utmost respect for the sport and his fellow athletes. Which made it loads of fun.
And yeah, the zebra-stripes were hiddeous, but what humor to kit up like your own prey when you're name is the Lion King?
As a Velomati newby, I don't understand, is Gianni a Mario hater? With a name like Gianni, he should be a fan.
Looking at the photo you posted, I just gotta laugh. Remember how amazing those guys looked? Remember when Eros Poli had his huge escape at the 94 TdF? Those guys were amazing. Poli had a chance to ride for himself (Cippo had hurt himself before the Tour and didn't start) and escaped the group over 100km from the bottom of the Ventoux, summited alone and made the descent to Carpentras with with no one else in sight. Sprinter turned rouleur for a day.
-Kaffeine
@KaffeineKeiser
This has got to be a joke. Did Gianni pit you up to this? If not, you guys are soul mates and you appear to have found your home, mate. Cipo? Poli? The Ventoux stage? Check Gianni's article on Monsieur Ventoux.
I really admired the way that JaJa rejiggered his machine. I was on the Col de Tamie in 97 when he made his solo break on the way to Col de Columbier with a finish in... don't remember. No man ever made pink look so mean.
Recently, my admiration for JaJa has been tested as he is know to frequently violate Rule 42. Yet I believe his aim is to show full-time participants of the 3-sport-folly, that they need to learn Rule 5.
Thus swelling my man-love for Laurent.
-Kaffeine
@KaffeineKeiser
Nothing but love for our boys Cipo and Eros. Cipo was the Man, I even like him drilling the commissar with the bidons. Here is another silly Cipo post from a while back.
@Gianni
@KaffeineKeiser
@frank
Agreed, the Rainbow Turd, was the man. However, when he rolled out in yet another garish kit sponsored by Rock Racing to roul around the ToC a couple years back with that squad of hooligans he did lose a bit of esteem in my eye.
@frank Actually, the best of example of this transition may well be Thor, who openly admitted to being scared in the bunch sprints this year after his return from a broken collar bone and has decided to commit himself to the Classics and day races in 2011. He will ride the Tour, but in order to claim a stage and to help Corn-fed win green.