A fenderless creature emerges from the bog of the Forest of Arenberg.
Mudguards (fenders) and saddlebags are two subjects that are sure to get our collective ire up as Cyclists. When I wrote in one of my columns for Cyclist that saddlebags should never be used, my editor told me that he received a record number of emails threatening to cancel their subscription on the basis that my column was a “black eye” on an otherwise sterling publication. I don’t disagree with the premise; but the fact that it was this statement that brought it about brings to light how much people love their saddlebags. The Pros use them in training, so how dare I claim that we should not.
The fact is, we’re not trying to look like Pros; we are trying to Look Fantastic at All Times and just because the Pros do it doesn’t mean it looks good. In fact, the Pros often look as rubbish as the typical cyclotourist; they just go faster than us. But Fournel’s Theorem is not commutative; just because you’re fast doesn’t mean you look good.
And so, saddlebags are banned on the premise that they are ugly, no further discussion required. Mudguards, on the other hand, are banned for the fact that are ugly, noisy, and are an implied contravention of Rule #9. The Nine is about submitting to the deluge, about embracing the misery of training in the cold and wet; it is about dedication and discipline above the creature comforts found at home. Post-ride, the bicycle is carefully and lovingly cleaned and made ready for the next ride. Rider and machine bonded together through mutual commitment.
Mudguards protect the frame and bottom bracket from road grit, it is true enough. But I don’t care. They also deflect the grime cast up by the tires as they carve their solemn trough over the wet tarmac. Still don’t care. On group rides, Fendangelists preach to anyone who appears to the ride without mudguards about how rude they are, forcing the others to chew on their rooster tail while riding in the bunch. To this I suggest that if you’d like to avoid a rinsing with Belgian Toothpaste there is usually an open spot for you on the front of the bunch..
Half the satisfaction of a hard Rule #9 ride is your appearance upon your return home, further mystifying The Cyclists to the rest of the world. I lovingly admire my mud-spattered bicycle and take in my flemish tanlines as I remove my kit. To ride with noisy mudguards would not only be a violation of the Principle of Silence, but more importantly I would be depriving myself of this greatest of pleasures.
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@RobSandy
reminds me of riding in PA with all the Amish horse and buggies, never road through so much crap in my life.
@frank
We need to do an article on the thrill of jumping behind trucks for some moto-pacing.
@hudson
Yep. Which is precisely where I live. We have some splendid riding here in the Appalachian range.
All this talk of training in shit reminds me of the time that being able to retrieve bidon - drink - replace, all without looking was not such a great idea. On a particularly inclement ride.........
Hmm that didn't taste like mud.
Looks at bidon.
Cow shit does have that unique green tinge compared to mud..........
@Sparty
wow, i'm jealous, that was a great ride (this past weekend), beautiful country (other than the loads of horse crap) and them hills were a pleasant change than what i'm used to (Delaware). I already told the VMW were moving there when the kids are gone.
Here we go . I have 4 road bikes . 3 of them drool worthy,spotless and looking fantastic .One under 15lbs with pedals ,the other 2 steel and under 17lbs. The 4th is a 25lb steel Norco with full Portland Design works fenders. Guess which bike I ride when its raining or below freezing with wet salty roads . Guess which bike has taken me through more shit than any bike I have ever owned. Guess which bike is a work horse . Guess which bike keeps my feet and body relatively dry in wet conditions. Guess which 3 bikes have minty clean drive trains . Guess which bike keeps me strong with its 25lb heft . Guess which bike makes my others feel like rocketships with their light weight.Guess which bike has served me well through mud and grime with its blessed fenders . Guess which bike has become one of my favorites .I could go on and on . Its ok to love your beater bike with its full fenders rules or not .
@minion
Fenders are a no brainer when the time is right .Those of you without ,check your brain ...
@frank
Yup, fizik tape is truly incredible. I have it on three bikes and yes, it's easy to clean. But, I also have some perforated Deda tape on another bike and it's not easy to keep it white, even without rain. I like having at least one bike that is just a workhorse and that I don't *have* to meticulously clean immediately after a ride. It's a nice way to live.
And yup on the lights. Though there is no telling when a text will get in the way of not ending my life, I feel better having front/rear lights when I'm riding on open roads.
@litvi
No, you are not. Don't you know, everyone smokes meth these days...
@Ron
Not having lights is like not wearing a helmet in my opinion, at least a rear light, something small but with the power of the Eye of Sauron.