A fenderless creature emerges from the bog of the Forest of Arenberg.
Mudguards (fenders) and saddlebags are two subjects that are sure to get our collective ire up as Cyclists. When I wrote in one of my columns for Cyclist that saddlebags should never be used, my editor told me that he received a record number of emails threatening to cancel their subscription on the basis that my column was a “black eye” on an otherwise sterling publication. I don’t disagree with the premise; but the fact that it was this statement that brought it about brings to light how much people love their saddlebags. The Pros use them in training, so how dare I claim that we should not.
The fact is, we’re not trying to look like Pros; we are trying to Look Fantastic at All Times and just because the Pros do it doesn’t mean it looks good. In fact, the Pros often look as rubbish as the typical cyclotourist; they just go faster than us. But Fournel’s Theorem is not commutative; just because you’re fast doesn’t mean you look good.
And so, saddlebags are banned on the premise that they are ugly, no further discussion required. Mudguards, on the other hand, are banned for the fact that are ugly, noisy, and are an implied contravention of Rule #9. The Nine is about submitting to the deluge, about embracing the misery of training in the cold and wet; it is about dedication and discipline above the creature comforts found at home. Post-ride, the bicycle is carefully and lovingly cleaned and made ready for the next ride. Rider and machine bonded together through mutual commitment.
Mudguards protect the frame and bottom bracket from road grit, it is true enough. But I don’t care. They also deflect the grime cast up by the tires as they carve their solemn trough over the wet tarmac. Still don’t care. On group rides, Fendangelists preach to anyone who appears to the ride without mudguards about how rude they are, forcing the others to chew on their rooster tail while riding in the bunch. To this I suggest that if you’d like to avoid a rinsing with Belgian Toothpaste there is usually an open spot for you on the front of the bunch..
Half the satisfaction of a hard Rule #9 ride is your appearance upon your return home, further mystifying The Cyclists to the rest of the world. I lovingly admire my mud-spattered bicycle and take in my flemish tanlines as I remove my kit. To ride with noisy mudguards would not only be a violation of the Principle of Silence, but more importantly I would be depriving myself of this greatest of pleasures.
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View Comments
@litvi
Sorry, you are smoking crack. But you're right, it is cumulative. But it is not commutative; just because you're fast doesn't mean you look good.
@brett
Haha! Nicely played. I was on a wet ride with some mates Sunday after a wet ride on Saturday where I never rode in the 39 all day. On Sunday the chain made an awful sound in the 39 because of all the grit on there, and I said it was an anaphylactic reaction my bike had to using the little ring.
@Vince
Penance was paid, I'm glad to see you've seen the light.
@hudson
Sounds like Belgium.
@Neil
Glad I'm not alone in this. Back in the day when we would train all winter in Seattle, if you showed up to a team ride without fenders and mudflaps in off season, you either got sent home, or had to ride at the back, but far enough off that you werent getting a draft.
@Gianni
Indeed we do!
breaking away highway scene from Louis Renna on Vimeo.
@hudson
I've been using the Cateye Rapid X2 front and rear lights. They connect by rubber band, are rechargeable, and light the wheels up like a fucking disco ball.
http://www.cateye.com/en/products/detail/TL-LD710-R/
http://www.cateye.com/en/products/detail/TL-LD710-F/
@hudson
Except during peak summer/daylight, most of my riders (after work) carry over into the waning hours of daylight and sometimes into darkness. Plus I live in and ride in (or transit through) a dense, urban area with a lot of cars/traffic. So lights have become a "must have" for me. I have a Bontrager Ion 700R front light. Three steady state modes (250/450/700 lumens). 700 lumens is actually too bright at night in an urban setting (blinds oncoming traffic), but 450 provides both enough light to see and be seen. The 50 lumens irregular strobe is great to use to be seen during daylight (there's also a regular flash mode).
My rear light is a Bontrager Flare R, which in bright mode is supposed to be visible in daylight from 2km. I can't say for sure if that's true, but the first time I ever used it on a small group ride and got out ahead just for fun (maybe a kilometer), when we re-grouped everyone said you could see the flashing/strobe and quite a distance (there's also a steady state mode). In bright mode it's actually too bright if you're riding in close quarters. My wife has asked me to "tone it down" when she rides with me. And when it gets dark out, the less bright setting is definitely more than enough to be seen.
@chuckp
my commute in is dark year round, and my ride is mostly rural, I've had the bejesus scared out of me numerous times by deer i haven't seen until the last second (who at this point have got to be doing it on purpose). I've yet to find a front light i'm happy with that doesn't eat batteries like crazy. My rear is a Specialized Stix Sport Tail light, and it fulfills a tall order for such a tiny thing, the USB charger is a big plus. I'd like a nice bright wide headlight. open to suggestions.
@frank
Thats actually really impressive. I may have to outright copy your lighting style.