Gravity

In defiance of Gravity, we touch the heavens

Gravity is the most unavoidable force on Earth, with the possible exception of Stupidity. And like with Stupidity, you can take measures to reduce its influence on you, but you won’t get rid of it completely, assuming you’re staying on this planet. From the very moment we’re born, Gravity takes its unrelenting hold on us – which isn’t altogether bad because I learned from watching Despicable Me that as soon as someone is smart enough to invent anti-gravity serum, someone will be stupid enough to leave a skylight open.

We Cyclists protect a secret from the rest of the world: we can defy gravity. Riding allows us to float a few meters above the ground, suspended in a cloak of V. Add a little speed to the mix and a maybe few sweeping switchbacks and we are as close to achieving human flight as we will ever get.

Once we trade flat roads for the hills, Gravity reveals its true secret to us: the mind can overcome physical limits when we form the cohesive unit of bicycle and rider. There is a symbiotic bond that forms; Gravity pulls us down toward the bottom of the hill, and we require our strength to counter its force and scale the heights. The strength required to achieve this takes a heavy toll on our body, and it is only through focus and determination that we keep the legs turning over smoothy. Riding back down the other side, we learn to fool Gravity and explore the intersection of centripetal force, friction, and our old friend Stupidity.

With practice, we learn that our mind can drive us to overcome the the physical limits of not just our bodies, but Gravity itself. Its hold on us remains, but the effects are greatly diminished. In defiance of Gravity, we rise to touch the heavens and ride where angels fly.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Teocalli says:

Apr 3 2014 at 1:59 am

@Barracuda

If Mr Newton and his mate Mr Galileo werent such smart arses maybe gravity wouldnt exist, thereby enabling me to climb hills much faster !

I'm sure they got it wrong. They defined it as a constant and I'm absolutely sure it is not and that it a) increases with the length of a ride and b) further increments with the length of a climb. It's the only reason I can think of as to why climbs seem worse at the end of a ride vs the start. It can't have anything to do with my fitness.
Chris says:

Apr 3 2014 at 2:44 am

@Teocalli

I'm sure they got it wrong. They defined it as a constant and I'm absolutely sure it is not and that it a) increases with the length of a ride and b) further increments with the length of a climb. It's the only reason I can think of as to why climbs seem worse at the end of a ride vs the start. It can't have anything to do with my fitness.

Absolutely spot on but you forgot to mention that if they'd got it right, either time spend ascending would equal time spent descending or they'd have linked speed to suffering and we'd go faster up than we would down.

@Andrew Christensen

Gravity NEVER sucks as bad as stupidity

Stupidity in itself is just a state of mind that left alone merely allows us not to be troubled by our limitations and insignificance in the grand scheme of things. As such it cannot suck. It is only through blending stupidity with external influencing factors such as gravity or alcohol that we begin to get ourselves in trouble.
Teocalli says:

Apr 3 2014 at 2:52 am

@Chris Nice one.

@Andrew There should be a link to the Darwin awards. It is obviously a primary mutation otherwise it would have naturally selected itself out long ago.
ChrisO says:

Apr 3 2014 at 3:37 am

@LeoTea

@Rob I'll take hills over a headwind any day of the week. At least gravity is consistent. It doesn't change strength or direction on a whim. Conquering a hill gives me a sense of achievement. Wrestling a headwind just annoys me.

Gravity is easier to overcome than aerodynamics.

If you go twice as hard uphill you go twice as fast.

To go twice as fast into the wind requires eight times the effort.

Apparently it's physics.
Chris says:

Apr 3 2014 at 3:42 am

@silentC

@Beers

Ah, Hills, almost vomited at the top of one of the regulars this morning, marvellous realisation of mind over body

I had to choke one back myself yesterday. I thought at the time of how weak I must be, but your comment has made me feel so much better. It was actually a mind over body win. Shut up body!!

Not cycling, but a good indication that there's some Rule 5 flowing through my youngest. His school selected him to run in the under 10s category of the regional cross country championships even though he's only 8 to give him some experience of bigger competitions. Coming up a hill about halfway through he didn't look like he was having too much fun but kept upping his pace to stick to a bigger lad. Afterwards, I commented that he's looked a bit uncomfortable to which he replied. "I could taste sick in my mouth and was trying to work out whether I should stop if I needed to vomit or carry on running while vomiting".
Teocalli says:

Apr 3 2014 at 3:56 am

@Chris

@silentC

@Beers

Ah, Hills, almost vomited at the top of one of the regulars this morning, marvellous realisation of mind over body

I had to choke one back myself yesterday. I thought at the time of how weak I must be, but your comment has made me feel so much better. It was actually a mind over body win. Shut up body!!

Not cycling, but a good indication that there's some Rule #5 flowing through my youngest. His school selected him to run in the under 10s category of the regional cross country championships even though he's only 8 to give him some experience of bigger competitions. Coming up a hill about halfway through he didn't look like he was having too much fun but kept upping his pace to stick to a bigger lad. Afterwards, I commented that he's looked a bit uncomfortable to which he replied. "I could taste sick in my mouth and was trying to work out whether I should stop if I needed to vomit or carry on running while vomiting".

Ace lad! Did he really say "vomit" at 8?
Chris says:

Apr 3 2014 at 4:15 am

@Teocalli His vocabulary surprises me at times. Unfortunately, so does his grammar which leans towards the chavy at times. "It was the acclivity wot like made me egurgitate".

To date we haven't had any "innits", though.
Teocalli says:

Apr 3 2014 at 4:37 am

@Chris

@Teocalli His vocabulary surprises me at times. Unfortunately, so does his grammar which leans towards the chavy at times. "It was the acclivity wot like made me egurgitate".

To date we haven't had any "innits", though.

Up to that point I was going to say that he obviously goes to a "Jolly decent school old chap".
Chris says:

Apr 3 2014 at 4:51 am

@Teocalli He does, but they haven't had him for long.
Teocalli says:

Apr 3 2014 at 5:18 am

@Chris

@Teocalli He does, but they haven't had him for long.

Ha ha. Nice. Yes I guess not at 8. Most of my school memories are around sport in some way or another. So glad my parents made the financial sacrifice as I'd never have got the same quantity of sport elsewhere.