There’s an air of Shakespearean tragedy to the death of Marco Pantani on Saint Valentine’s Day in 2004. Once the most famous cyclist in the world, he died alone in a hotel room on a day devoted to love.
But his love – Cycling – had betrayed him. Once a fixture of the Nineties European road racing scene, he was part and parcel of the culture and spirit that embodied that era. Sensationally, as he was about to win the Giro d’Italia for the second time in 1999, he was thrown from the race after a failed hematocrit test on the morning of the penultimate stage. At a time when doping was rampant throughout the peloton and, as we are beginning to understand now, secretly supported by both the teams and governing bodies, Pantani was torn from the world he knew like a puppy from a warm house and abandoned in the winter cold. He was singled out, vilified, made example of. Confused and betrayed, he would never recover.
A rider defined by brilliant highs and devastating lows, he fit the mold of “enigmatic climber” so well it almost feels cliché to point it out. He won atop nearly all the most famous climbs in cycling and still holds the record for the fastest ride up Alpe d’Huez. But on days that his mind and motivation failed him, he would trail in long after the favorites arrived home.
He was also monumentally unlucky. He was almost crippled after hitting a car head-on during Milano-Torino, after it was mistakenly allowed onto the course in 1995. In 1997, he was forced to abandon the Giro when a black cat crossed his path and caused him to crash. 1998 saw him reach the pinnacle of our sport with the Giro-Tour double before 1999 saw him become the first super-star to be singled out for the (suspected) use of EPO during the jet-fueled late Nineties.
Pantani was more than a cyclist for us. 1998 was the year my VMH and I met, and we built our relationship in part as we shared in the excitement as our favorite rider won first the Giro and then the Tour. (Early in our relationship, she hosted a party at her apartment; when I walked in, she had Star Wars, A New Hope playing on the television. Later that night I learned her favorite rider was Pantani. Needless to say, I’ve never looked at another woman since.) The ’98 Tour remains my favorite, with the stage to Les Deux Alpes the high point.
He inspired me – a big, tall, oafish flatlander – to become obsessed with climbing, an obsession I maintain to this day (or, at least I did until January 28). His climbing epitomized the angelic grace of le grimpeur. Climbing in the drops with his face a picture of focus and determination, his climbing could not be described as effortless, but powerful. A sight to behold. Everything about him oozed cool. I modeled my first dream bike after the gloriously beautiful steed he rode in 1998. My VMH, the same weight and height as Marco, modeled her position and climbing style after his.
My heart aches when I think of how this man, who was part of a system which, however full of flaws, he understood. I imagine that he was not a unintelligent nor an ignorant man, but that he was not prepared for the cruelty of the world outside cycling. I can scarcely fathom his sense of confusion and betrayal that the very system and players who taught him Le Metier would so readily cast him aside and leave him on his own. I don’t believe it’s a stretch to compare the scars he received from this experience to those of a victim of abuse. He would never trust his surroundings again.
Several times, he returned to the only world he knew, the professional peloton. But he wasn’t the same. He was bullied, he was teased. Occasionally, he rose above it all to show signs of his former self. Then, he would recede.
2003 was an exciting season as he returned to form and it appeared as though he was finding his own again. Imagine our excitement when, as we planned to visit the Tour for the month of July, rumors broke that he was leaving Mercatone Uno to join another team in order to race the Tour. We were foaming at the mouth at the thought of Ullrich and Pantani shelling Pharmstrong out the back as they partied like it was 1998.
It wasn’t to be. The team transfer didn’t materialize, and Pantani disappeared. The next time we were to hear from him would be the solemn announcement of his death on CyclingNews. I called my VMH and asked if she was sitting down before I told her what happened. It was as if I had given her the news of her brother’s death.
I truly believe he died of a broken heart.
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@Oli Brooke-White @Marcus
I think my bigger point was that each lacked the support structure that provided good guidance, while they had hangers-on who benefited from their supreme gifts. I don't mean to forgive or justify their actions; while each was iconic in action, their lives away from their sport was a train wreck.
@Steampunk
In Tyson's case it was the death of his long time trainer Cus D'Amato and subsequent attachment to the wrecking ball of humanity that is Don King that really got him permanently sideways... I loved watching the young Tyson fight, and have always wondered what if Cus had stuck around long enough. Would anything be different? Unknowable.
FYI, just finished "The Rider", and started reading "TourMen" on the Kindle, book report to follow soon.
Delenda est Alberto
@Steampunk, @Oli Brooke-White, @Marcus
I'm with @Steampunk. It's very easy to let the magnitude of the offense cloud the challenge the individual struggled with. Empathy doesn't excuse the action, but to suggest that these individuals, who were all brilliant in their own right, were il-equipped to deal with the world that (first) they encountered due to their success and (second) they encountered after the world they were surrounded by left them en-mass is a massive understatement.
The support network was missing, beginning with their families and ending with their professional network. It's tragic, to say the least. Especially for the individuals who were the collateral damage, like Tyson's victims.
Hey, lots of people have it tough - that doesn't excuse poor behaviour. Sounds like instead of feeling sorry for himself and railing a ton of Bolivian marching powder Pantani should have HARDENED UP and got on with life.
Jesus, next you'll be saying you feel sorry for poor little Lindsay Lohan...
@Oli Brooke-White
Have to agree with Oli here. I have met soooo many people in the Army, and esp in Special Forces, that have come from absolute train wreck lives and have really succeeded. One of my most successful Green Beret medics was raised by his single mother (never knew who his father was)--who was a prostitute and drug addict who left him with "a friend" in Las Vegas one weekend when he was 6 and came back for him when he was 9. On one of our deployments he receieved a call that his mother was found dead in an alley in Los Angeles. He never had any support, and lived through hell growing up, and he is very well balanced and successful now. And he is just one of many that I have met with disaster stories of upbringing or support.
Yeah, they might have had it "rough" but it does not excuse their actions.
I love Pantani and Tyson for their passion and amazingness in their discipline, but I do not make any excuses for them. Way more have had it so much worse and hace come out just fine.
Let's be clear: I'm not making excuses for anybody, but rather identifying the source of the tragedy and human drama.
@Oli Brooke-White
You leave Li-Lo out of this!
@Buck Rogers
Agree here, life is what you make of it not where you came from. The opposite of the train wrecks is the jerk who has everything and screws up. In the end it may come down to brains, not smarts necessarily but equilibrium and common sense. Would a Pantani go the route he went if he had been more stable, more centered? It seems that the truly great have a serenity and calm that the Li-Lo types are missing. For an example we only need to look to Ali or Merckx.
ok, this will take a moment to develop, but if you all will.
first: imagine a world where as a child, you felt nothing. You grew up falling, not hurting, you reached out touching the hot burning stove and felt no burn. You fall from a great height, break an arm, but feel nothing. Get sick, but feel nothing, no muscle aches. There is an actual medical phenomena called 'cogenital insensitivity to pain'. Its when a child does just as described, and they rarely live into functional adulthood because they cannot relate with things like we can.
therefore, there is a reason we feel, we hurt, we suffer, and its so we know our limits, what is safe and actually what is not safe. It, pain/suffering and a reasonable dose of Rule V conditions us and in the end is to our benefit. As members of and keepers of the cog, we love this sense of a healthy dose of pain and of suffering; in fact its best served cold and wet when others are the benevolent recepient.
However, what is the chance that Pantani transcended the upper firmanent of pain threshold and was able to defeat it? Is that part of the look on his face in that photo?
What is the chance that he bore it all, every single bit that was given to him and made it, he took it, he caught the ole man divvying out Rule V and made it (another topic yet)...yet we sit here and call him 'pussy boy' and what weakness he perpetuated into eternity??
And once he accomplished this unbelievable feat, one for which so few accomplish, what next?? Is it possible he fell prey to an obtuse oblivion of what life was really like, without that sense of pain, hurting, all this after rising like the pheonix from ashes of defeat, winning the double? Was retirement and reality and the falling to earth as an 'ex-pro'...living life in a reality he quite literally couldn't feel 'normalacy'?
I will never know
I just know I respect what he did, how he rode passionately, gave his soul for what he believed
I just cannot tell him to harden up, because I think he knew more pain and suffering than most and had enough
Sheesh, cry me a river...
Great article and solid commenting here. I enjoyed read this a lot, as I didn't watch pro-cycling back then so I didn't know much about Pantani.
Many of the world's most talented artists, musicians, and business people have interesting mental "issues" that have served to help them reach their success, but on the other side of that double-edge blade is a steep fall if things fail or if there is a lack of a support network with family and friends.
It's unfortunate, but the only person who truly knows what is going on is often the one who winds up dead as a result.