In Memoriam: The Funny Bike

Laurent Fignon's Hour Record Machine

We gather here today to pay our respects to one of the most exciting developments the Cycling world has ever witnessed: the funny bike.

For seventy years, the evolution of the bicycle was marked by incremental change; improvements to brakes, more gears, and better shifting followed one another as the sport grudgingly continued its slow journey towards progress and modernization.

Then, in an instant, disruption. Change. In the years prior to 1984, time trial machines were little more than finely-tuned road machines. But suddenly, spurred on by Francesco Moser’s success in breaking the Hour Record aboard a radical machine with double disc wheels and cow-horn handlebars, we entered a decade of innovation.

In the blink of an eye, we had broken from the shackles of traditional thinking and were suddenly free to think about a bicycle without constraint. Riders appeared in the start house with fairings attached to their saddles and bars mounted below the top tube. Riders toed up to the start line with broom sticks mounted across the drops of their handlebars. Aero bars appeared and with them, the triangular frame design that had graced our machines for three-quarters of a century disappeared. In the span of ten short years, time trial positions went from the standard tuck to the Super Man.

Then, in a crafty maneuver which demonstrates that the UCI’s incompetence is not a recent development, new regulations were introduced which effectively killed innovation in bike design. The UCI regulated the position of the bars, the saddle, the size of the wheels, the design of the frame; even the shape of the tubes are currently highly scrutinized. The UCI even offers an exorbitantly expensive frame certification process.

Join me now, as we examine some examples of the most innovative machines our sport will ever see.

A-Merckx.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Chris

    The king of funny bikes rides again...

    love the bit on testing it

    We'll just have to take it out onto the A78 and try it there - I'll get a mate to drive behind me while I'm doing it

    How about a quick whip round to sponsor him so the fairing can be painted in V-colours with "Rule 44"³ emblazoned down the side?

    +1!

    "Obree has just Enlisted the help of his 18-year-old son, Jamie, to assist in building the bike."

    This is father and son lunacy at its best: "What shall we do today Dad?"

    "We'll build a bike to do 100mph and break the World HPV speed record. We'll make a spare and you can have a go too."

    Just awesome!!!

  • @Fausto
    Ah it makes sense now - I read "18 month old son". The sacred garments staring at me from the other side of the room must be affecting my eyes.

  • @frank

    Shouldn't you be looking for @Minion? Isn't he in your country now? That must piss you off. With no sheep around, what does he fuck now? Kangaroos? Seems messy and dangerous.

    Don't worry - it's well-known secret that Australia has more sheep than NZ. The Aussies just don't like to admit it. I'm sure he'll find himself a nice ewe to play with. ;-) (Please don't kill me - I just can't resist taking a stab or two at the poor Aussie sods...)

  • A university in Scotland made a study of shepherd's night-time activities which I read years ago. In the borders the most popular way to spend time with a sheep involved putting the sheep's front legs in a pothole. Further north in the central belt the farmers would trap a sheep's front legs in a bush before commencing their business. The research went on to say that during interviews in the highlands the farmers there would move the sheep towards a cliff which they say encouraged the sheep to "push back", enhancing the experience.

    The most surprising findings came from the Aberdeenshire area where one farmer said that he began by putting the sheep's rear legs around his waist and the front legs over his shoulders. Upon hearing this the researcher informed the Aberdeenshire man that all over Scotland the preferred method was to trap the sheep's front legs with the sheep facing away. Evidently he exclaimed, "What! Nae kissing?"

  • @Marcus

    Those crazy triathletes still innovate pretty well - the Specialised Shiv ignores UCI rules and with cool features like being able to put your drink in the downtube, there is still some cool stuff out there...

    Oh the shame, that cycling innovation for the next decade will be driven by triathlon. If the UCI won't let it happen, manufacturers will go where they can sell innovative bikes. Once the tech trickles down to the low end road bikes, the only ones buying new stuff will be triathletes. Won't be long before the UCI outlaws ceramic bearings and carbon cranks.

  • @snoov

    @Chris


    How about a quick whip round to sponsor him so the fairing can be painted in V-colours with "Rule #44"³ emblazoned down the side?

    That would be totally awesome. My Sensei got his manager's email when we met Graeme a few weeks ago. Graeme was pretty stoked on what I told him about the Velominati, I'd say he'd appreciate and deserves our support. Should I contact his manager and see if he can set up a donation page or something?

    Indeed, that would be awesome!

  • @snoov

    @Chris

    How about a quick whip round to sponsor him so the fairing can be painted in V-colours with "Rule #44"³ emblazoned down the side?

    That would be totally awesome. My Sensei got his manager's email when we met Graeme a few weeks ago. Graeme was pretty stoked on what I told him about the Velominati, I'd say he'd appreciate and deserves our support. Should I contact his manager and see if he can set up a donation page or something?

    Do it and email me with the info!

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