La Vie Velominatus: A Rule #25 Reasoned Decision

More Bikes equals More Better. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

There was no clear indication that Rick’s car had actually come to a complete stop. It wasn’t that the car hadn’t stopped its forward trajectory – it had – it was just that the car hadn’t actually stopped moving. Long after the vehicle had come to rest in what could only be considered a legitimate parking spot by the most liberal of reasoning, bits and pieces kept clanking about, seeming almost to defy the laws of perpetual motion.

I was more familiar with his car than I wished I was. For one thing, the cafeteria tray on the passenger side that covered the hole between the wheel well and interior was not nearly as effective as Rick supposed, though to be fair, it was hard to discern that particular draft from the various other drafts whipping about the cabin. For another, I was uncomfortable with how the entire contraption shook when it accelerated beyond walking speed. This shaking did not prevent him from punching well beyond the freeway speed limit, usually with one hand on the wheel and somewhere between zero and two eyes on the road.

Once the car had shimmied to rest, Rick climbed out with his usual happy grin and motioned towards the pristine, full suspension mountain bike perched atop the rack affixed to the roof of his car. Without so much of a hint of justification, he pronounced a phrase that stuck with me and eventually evolved into Rule #25: “Hey, the bike’s always gotta be worth more than the car, right?”

This was Rick’s typical flavor of genius: simple and concise, irrefutable in its logic. The car exists only to carry us to The Ride. Beyond that, all it does is suck money away from The Bike. The first cars I owned fell comfortably into this way of thinking, though I was never able to afford the rack required to actually get the bikes on the roof of the car. It was on that technicality, then, with my bikes shoved inside instead of atop my car, that I went merrily along my way knowing the vehicles I drove were only minimally siphoning money from my bicycle fund.

Rule #25 has been a challenge ever since we sold our fun little beater car and bought a nice car. After a few years of wrestling with what to do about our negative Car to Bike Value Ratio (CBVR), I came to the conclusion that we needed to buy another crappy car and use that one to drive out to our riding destinations. After a while, the crappy car sucked so much more than the nice car that we never drove it, so we sold the crappy car and bought a second nice car. Now we were really in deep water from a negative CBVR perspective, if not from the perspective of enjoying locomotion or safety.

The solution, of course, is rather simple. Within the next year, we’ll own both cars, which means they must be nearly worthless as otherwise neither the bank nor the car dealership would allow such a thing as “ownership” to happen. Barring that, owning a nice car simply dictates that one is to buy more and better bikes. This also requires, of course, a rather significant ancillary investment into roof racks for your vehicle if you don’t have any welding or nunchuck skills that you can use to fashion your own.

Just remember that a happy bike is a bike that gets ridden; there is nothing sadder than a loyal steed who sits unused in the basement.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Very timely post...

    So I guess what you are trying to say is that once (if?) I have successfully (hopefully) completed the head gasket job on the #*(&$#*($& 2001 Land Rover Disco II, I need to designated it my official cycling transport. Not a bad idea since I'd have a bike inside the #*(&$#*($& and wouldn't be stranded the next time it broke down.

    Too bad the #*(&$#*($& guzzles premium gas like there is no tomorrow.

  • @The Oracle

    @Mikael Liddy Shiny.

    Frank might as well just re-title this thread as "Excuse for people to post pics of bitchin' car/bike combos."

    Hey Oracle, welcome back. You been out much n our crappy weather? Looking decent for this weekend . . .

  • My CBVR was pretty well sorted until my old Audi estate started acting up, and at 250,000 miles it was time to upgrade. Newer Audi put me back in the red, but it's now a few years older and it only takes #1 and my full susser loaded up to put me back in the black. Harmony has been restored.

    To add to the rack debate; I'm using a Thule 3-bike tow ball mounted rack - a fantastic piece of kit. As said earlier, less drag than a roof rack (and less chance of mishap going under low car park entrances) and the mechanism to hinge it back to access the boot is genius. Given the choice though, #1 still goes inside for warmth and security.

  • @Mikael Liddy

    I've a feeling we're definitely in negative CBVR territory but I think the two go together pretty nicely...

    Well played sir, that would be my weapon of choice also, Subaru, that is.

    My 1997 Holden Commodore SS has been relegated to C2 and hence the steed resides in the back seat with front wheel in boot.

    I am completely Rule #25 compliant given its sadly worth no more than a postage stamp, still looks the goods, but doesnt back up its looks with dollars on the Assets side of the books.

    My bike definately worth more than my car.

  • I am fully rule 25 compliant since bike #1 cost more than 133% the value of my truck. As such I make sure all my bikes ride in style with this very ingenious set up that cost me less than a night at the bar.

    The Niner is longer than the C'dale so I need to put her in like so,

  • Am I the only one who thinks it's crazy to put The Bike on the roof of the vehicle? ever had a tiny pebble put a crack in your windshield after being launched toward you at 60mph? Imagine that tiny pebble being launched into the carbon fiber head tube of your precious machine. Bam. New frame.

    6 months ago I bought a 1993 Isuzu Rodeo. Took out the back seats and can comfortably fit mine + my brother's bikes. Before that I had a 1997 Acura Integra. Took out the passenger seat to do the same. Girlfriend needs a ride? Backseat.

    no roof rack but hopefully I'm still in accordance with Rule #25

  • I'm probably in accordance after leaving the sunroof open overnight during a rainstorm followed by a quick and hard freeze (electrical is shot throughout the car--worse: the Saab's ignition box is on the ground so it filled with water and I had to take a hair dryer out with me to start the car in the morning). So Rule adherence done the hard way. Instead, though, I've always interpreted this as the bike should always be newer than he car...

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