La Vie Velominatus: A Rule #25 Reasoned Decision

More Bikes equals More Better. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

There was no clear indication that Rick’s car had actually come to a complete stop. It wasn’t that the car hadn’t stopped its forward trajectory – it had – it was just that the car hadn’t actually stopped moving. Long after the vehicle had come to rest in what could only be considered a legitimate parking spot by the most liberal of reasoning, bits and pieces kept clanking about, seeming almost to defy the laws of perpetual motion.

I was more familiar with his car than I wished I was. For one thing, the cafeteria tray on the passenger side that covered the hole between the wheel well and interior was not nearly as effective as Rick supposed, though to be fair, it was hard to discern that particular draft from the various other drafts whipping about the cabin. For another, I was uncomfortable with how the entire contraption shook when it accelerated beyond walking speed. This shaking did not prevent him from punching well beyond the freeway speed limit, usually with one hand on the wheel and somewhere between zero and two eyes on the road.

Once the car had shimmied to rest, Rick climbed out with his usual happy grin and motioned towards the pristine, full suspension mountain bike perched atop the rack affixed to the roof of his car. Without so much of a hint of justification, he pronounced a phrase that stuck with me and eventually evolved into Rule #25: “Hey, the bike’s always gotta be worth more than the car, right?”

This was Rick’s typical flavor of genius: simple and concise, irrefutable in its logic. The car exists only to carry us to The Ride. Beyond that, all it does is suck money away from The Bike. The first cars I owned fell comfortably into this way of thinking, though I was never able to afford the rack required to actually get the bikes on the roof of the car. It was on that technicality, then, with my bikes shoved inside instead of atop my car, that I went merrily along my way knowing the vehicles I drove were only minimally siphoning money from my bicycle fund.

Rule #25 has been a challenge ever since we sold our fun little beater car and bought a nice car. After a few years of wrestling with what to do about our negative Car to Bike Value Ratio (CBVR), I came to the conclusion that we needed to buy another crappy car and use that one to drive out to our riding destinations. After a while, the crappy car sucked so much more than the nice car that we never drove it, so we sold the crappy car and bought a second nice car. Now we were really in deep water from a negative CBVR perspective, if not from the perspective of enjoying locomotion or safety.

The solution, of course, is rather simple. Within the next year, we’ll own both cars, which means they must be nearly worthless as otherwise neither the bank nor the car dealership would allow such a thing as “ownership” to happen. Barring that, owning a nice car simply dictates that one is to buy more and better bikes. This also requires, of course, a rather significant ancillary investment into roof racks for your vehicle if you don’t have any welding or nunchuck skills that you can use to fashion your own.

Just remember that a happy bike is a bike that gets ridden; there is nothing sadder than a loyal steed who sits unused in the basement.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Another vote for in-car storage. You don't need that rear space anyway if you're going for a ride. Even my parent's dinky Honda Jazz fits my 58cm bike with the front wheel removed. Living in a dusty, dry country with frequent sandstorms, I've had to clean my bike post-driving way too much times when it was roof-mounted.

    Although, when the whole family heads out to race, it's three bikes on the Forester, three racers + baby brother in the car and a whole lot of luggage in the rear. Rule 25 compliance achieved by having a custom Magnesium frame, a carbon TT rig and a Dash-adorned Cannondale.

    I'm debating purchasing a car for myself now: Moved to Uni and need my own car to reach the team rides. A small Daihatsu is on my radar - big enough to fit the bike, small enough to be fuel-efficient and Rule 25 compliant. Not sure how I'll fit the TT rig in there, though - integrated external forks are not very compact.

  • There's not a lot about my Pajero Sport that I like (nor dislike, I'm just intensely neutral) other than the fact that it can fit my bike in the back, seats folded, without having to take off a wheel.

    The only other plus point is off-road ability, which I don't use a lot but enough to be glad of it.

  • @Chris Yes trailers are wildly popular in Belgium in fact if and when we move back to the US I fully intend to purchase a trailer.  They drive dinky diesel cars with giant 4x8 trailers for Home Depot (Brico here) runs, etc.  Its a really good idea.  However for bikes I like the convenience of a roof rack and am sticking to it.  Putting a bike inside your car is inviting damage for both items.

  • @mcsqueak

    This is what the inside of my car looks like.

    Surprisingly, with the rear seats folded down I can fit my bike in (56 cm road bike) without taking the wheels off, by turning the front wheel to the left. It's been very handy, not having to fuck with a carry system, and I like having my bike locked in my car just in case I need to stop somewhere before/after.

    When @scaler911 and myself carpooled up to the Seattle cogal last summer, BOTH our bikes fit inside after removing the wheels and placing a thick blanket over one frame for padding, with the other frame then placed on top. Ghetto but it worked.

    Hey, nothing ghetto about the blanket between two bikes!

  • @unversio

    @gregorio

    1999 Ford Explorer with copious scabs of body rot on the passenger side doors. My wheels are worth more than the car. The bike rides inside.

    1994 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme "” a mother-in-law free car special. My MX Leader could ride with the fork up on the back seat. It will be tough to replace the 'Bikemobile' "” stopped running 3 months ago.

    I neglected to mention the emergency bottle of Febreze to take the edge of the mildew when we can't ride with the windows down. Ancient layers of dog hair provide a softer bed my steed.

  • @DrewG

    Does non-ownership of a car mean +100% CBVR or is it like dividing by zero?

    Clearly there is a hole in the CBVR asymptote.

  • Ultimate car rack?  At least Morgan was thoughtful enough to use a steel steed

  • Years ago I worked at a bike shop in Salt Lake City.  Me and 3 of my fellow shop rats stopped to get gas on the way to a mountain bike ride.  We had a total of about $14,000 worth of bicycles on top of my buddy's old Subaru wagon that could not have been worth more than $1,000.  Some guys in a brand new NIssan Pathfinder pulled in next to us with a couple of decent, but maybe $700 bikes on top.  They looked at us, our car, and our bikes and told us we had our priorities straight.  We said, "yes, we know."  Did not know about Rule 25 then, but certainly followed it as I did not have a car at all and 4 bikes.

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