It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.
Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.
Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.
The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.
Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.
As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.
The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.
The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.
There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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If Eddy condemns me to eternity in hell, it'll be for this reason
Perhaps I have a high bar, but my bike never seems to be clean enough, yet I cannot possibly balance it by cleaning it EVERY f**kin ride dude....the voices in my head are incessant man; things of obsessions, compulsions...where to clean, what to lube with afterward, is it going to call for wet or dry
Oh, the possibilities. So, i do what i can and ride happy as long as she is quite in the ozarks pave'
Good stuff. I'm a bit surprised you clean your chain with solvent. I like to apply a spray wax once the bike is dry. This has two benefits: (1) shiny is good and (2) gunk doesn't stick to it, making the next clean easier.
I could clean my bike more often but before the Cogal on Saturday I gave my bike the clean of it's life. It was looking as good as it could look and when I took it out of the van to pedal to the cafe, it felt as if the bike too was raring to get on with the ride. Chain gets lubed and wiped down every ride.
I clean the drive train with a citrus degreaser before anything because it seems easier to clean if its dry to start with. It also means any drivetrain filth that gets on the frame etc then gets washed off.
Using a selection of paintbrushes to clean your bike is almost worthy of a rule.
Yes sir! Frank. Love this article right now. I keep on heading to cycling news sites to see how bad it's gotten. LOVE that you penned this lil' piece about the things that matter beyond the peloton, like a goddamn clean bike. Nice!
I'm monumentally disappointed on most group rides, even with fast folks, with the number of Rules violations. It's fucking alarming. A dirty bike and drivetrain are constant violations I spot. Then they'll tack on a EPMS. And then, to really make things fucky, they'll have Leader's Tape that is tan from dirt & sweat. Goddamn, if you are going to have white tape, clean it!
On another note...I'M MOVING!!! Going from around 800 sq. feet with three cats, one dog, six bikes, and one VMH to around 1500 square feet. Same set-up, yes, keeping the pets and the VMH, but might be able to add a bike or two which are stored with the Olds still. No more will I have to drag my stand out of the closet and into the backyard and pinch my fingers getting the arm and legs set. First order of business: a bicycle shed for storing and working on the steeds. We've got a 1/2 acre backyard with direct sunlight. Talk about paniagua. I'll be able to grow most of what I eat. I cannot wait! A bike shed is honestly the only thing I've wanted out of life lately and now I'm around three weeks from moving on in. Gonna be awesome.
I am compulsive about keeping my bike clean and lubed. I can't think of a better way to wind down from a hard ride than by changing out of my bike shorts, opening a pint and cleaning lubricating my bike. Only after that is done do I attend to taking my own shower. (Although, in mid-winter Chicago where there is no liquid water outdoors, I have actually been known to take my bike onto the shower with me.)
With regard to my cleaning compulsion, I was once told, "I'll never be that bored." To each is own, I guess.
Sunday's race had a long sandy beach section. Six times through that and there's sand everywhere.
I'm still a skeptic of the durability of BB30, but at least it's easy to clean. Pull the crank, wipe it all down, clean the sand out of the chainrings and spider, grease it, and slide it back in.
I look forward to cleaning and maintaining my bike. It's the same as when out riding with my work mate group. For them, it's a thing to get over with, for me I love every meter I ride.
Same with cleaning, really enjoy it.
You do all that every ride? Shit, all I need is a rag and good, clean chain lube.
And wtf is up with that skewer?