Categories: La Vie VelominatusNostalgiaTradition

La Vie Velominatus: Clean Bike Day

There is nothing quite like riding a freshly cleaned machine

It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.

Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.

Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.

The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.

Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.

As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.

The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.

The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.

There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

mcsqueak says:

Oct 16 2012 at 10:33 am

@frank

Indeed. I was seduced by the power cone of SRAM that I had just been discussing and forgot that Shimano comes apart, too. Don't use it frequently enough to remember how they're put together.

Damn straight they do. Removing the cassette and scrubbing the cogs in a tub of warm water and solvent is 100x more satisfying then just flossing them with a rag while still on the wheel.
strathlubnaig says:

Oct 16 2012 at 10:53 am

Inspired by the sheer volume of comments on cleaning the bike I went to the Scottish equivalent of an EFADS today and bought some supplies, various brushes and rags and fluids and stuff. The weather brightened up enough this pm to spend a happy hour with the bucket o' suds and my new bits n' bobs, result nice shiny steed and then relubed the chain with some genuine offshore chain oil.

Had to tell Lady Strtahlubnaig to keep her grubby paws off my cleaning kit, strictly for the bikes I said......
G'rilla says:

Oct 16 2012 at 12:14 pm

@scaler911

I never understood why people change out a whole cassette. In reality you spend most of your time in 2-3 "pet" gears, and those are the ones that wear.

As an experiment, I've been riding around town locked in at 38x16. Even with the hills around Seattle, there's very little that can't be done in that gear. I can understand why some commuters use a single speed for easier maintenance and less wear.
Xyverz says:

Oct 16 2012 at 12:37 pm

@Nate - Mmmm, Rock 'n' Roll Lube. The gold stuff is the shit! The only problem is that - well, until I got my work stand, that is - getting that shit on the wheels means squeaky brakes on your first big descent. (Fortunately for me, that squeaky descent was on Sunday, going down Hicks. I rode the rear brake 'till the squeaking went away and everything was good again...)
frank says:

Oct 16 2012 at 12:42 pm

@Lepidopterist

The cleaning ritual is the one thing carbon or black parts can never beat polished metalnon. The satisfaction of cleaning polished crankset and mechs is one that is hard to beat.

I once asked Mrs L if I could temporarily store the No 1 in the bedroom, "Why not ? Its the cleanest thing in the fucking house " was the only reply.

@heinous Lancashire eh ? Near enough my part of the world. It pretty much makes the rain bike and No 1 bike the same thing for me.

Not to mention an old, lovely set of brake calipers.
Nate says:

Oct 16 2012 at 12:50 pm

@Leroy

You guys getting 7500km out of chains

You guys getting 7500km out of chainsI put 7500 or so kms before replacing my 11s Campa chain. One of the inner face plates got bent so I decided to replace before the thing blew up on me. No need for new cassette at the time. I check my chains with one of those stretch indicators.

Most of you probably know this, but the 2nd level all steel cog cassettes (Ultegra, Chorus) wear better and last longer than the higher end ones with Ti in the big cogs (Record, SR, DA). Similarly don't see the point in hollow pin chains. I'll gladly take the durability and a few extra grams.

@frank

I was seduced by the power cone of SRAM

Is there something you are hiding from your Campagnolophilic brethren? Better to come clean now, before things get out of hand.

@eightzero

Let's hear the Tall Tales from the Velominati about how long their components lasted because they kept them clean.

Frame wore out before my DA 7800 shifters and mechs did. They still work like new, although they don't see much use these days.
Leroy says:

Oct 16 2012 at 1:14 pm

@Nate

Similarly don't see the point in hollow pin chains. I'll gladly take the durability and a few extra grams.

I wonder if that's why I'm not getting nearly as much longevity out of my chains... The X10SL series are decidely minimalist.
frank says:

Oct 16 2012 at 1:43 pm

@eightzero

Let's hear the Tall Tales from the Velominati about how long their components lasted because they kept them clean. I am going on 8000 miles on a Bro-Set, but have recently put on the third chain in that period, replacing it before the 1.0 wear mark on the Park Tool. The clean drive train still shifts very smoothly, although I'm not sure I can tell the difference between "shark shaped worn teeth" and designed shifting ramps.

Another money making idea: someone make a wear indicator tool for cassettes and chainrings?

Wear goes in the other direction; basically the ramps all help lift the chain onto the next cog; the wear in the cassette is an elongating of the valley between cogs and a sharpening of the tooth - like a sharks tooth. You can usually see the telltale widening horizontally of the wear as it starts to sit in.

My chains last less long the more I Rule 10 the climbs around here. Makes a significant difference. I roll V-Meter a lot of the time, though, so no clue how many kms wind up in the chains.
frank says:

Oct 16 2012 at 1:45 pm

@strathlubnaig

Inspired by the sheer volume of comments on cleaning the bike I went to the Scottish equivalent of an EFADS today and bought some supplies, various brushes and rags and fluids and stuff. The weather brightened up enough this pm to spend a happy hour with the bucket o' suds and my new bits n' bobs, result nice shiny steed and then relubed the chain with some genuine offshore chain oil.

Had to tell Lady Strtahlubnaig to keep her grubby paws off my cleaning kit, strictly for the bikes I said......

What the holy fuck is EFADS? Translate into 'murcan, please.
frank says:

Oct 16 2012 at 1:49 pm

@Nate

@frank

I was seduced by the power cone of SRAM

Is there something you are hiding from your Campagnolophilic brethren? Better to come clean now, before things get out of hand.

No, no! Never. I was discussing it with my newest Pedalwan yesterday just before posting that; he is looking at a SRAM Red CX machine and the thought of the dome cassette was in my mind at the time.

So basically, I didn't inhale.