It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.
Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.
Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.
The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.
Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.
As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.
The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.
The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.
There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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Yes, it does a bit, and a few other things too.
ON another completely different note, I rocked up to a track night tonight, and now I have a severe hankering to buy a track bike and have at 'em, me hearties !!
I see a major advantage in the night time nature of it. Very hard for me to get a decent ride in on day shifts, and night track time seems to make so much sense. I can even see my road adverse VMH having a go.
N+1, here we come.
Lifes too short.
A light spray of water, Add muc off. light brush, rinse off, lube, job done
+ Park tool chain cleaner tool once every 2-3 weeks.
Occasionally its gets a through strip down and clean usually once before winter, once after winter.
i recently picked up the butter b1 (http://www.wearebutter.com/main/products/) for chain-cleaning-keeping and love it. very very robust tool. expensive, but it's like lezyne gear: you can't wait to use it and you know you'll have it forever.
i recently replaced my BB after dishing out too much of the V and one of my BB30 bearings fell apart in the shell. i also replaced the brake pads and gave my bike a good cleaning. it just turned a year old and it's got ~16000km's on it. took it out for a spin on its "birthday" (date i got it) and after all this cleaning and maintenance, man it felt wonderful. like celebrating with an old friend.
While we're at it, can we argue over the correct hand posture (over vs under) whilst drinking from a bidon?
@strathlubnaig
You been to Screw It then?
@Ken Ho
Do. It. makes everything else seem slow. And the lack of hills makes my 5-years-from-peaking lard belly less of a handicap
@brianc
Doesn't it depend entirely on how you grab the thing from its cage? Simple ergonomics.
(cf. Frederick Winslow Taylor, Principles of Scientific Management)
@DavidI
Yes, I joined a club today to get my race licence. I joined a club up at Nerang that has track training twice a week and racing every Friday night. Now I just need to get a bike. Better, then I will have a further excuse to get a disc wheel. I have plans to get one before the bike ride that comes after a bit of a rinse off, but before a casual , erm, stumble, cough, cough, at Cairms IM next year. I'm also doing my first criterium race tonight, for which I will look bloody fantastic.
@Ken Ho word to the wise Kenny -
1. Your IM disc wont be too helpful (or allowed) on the track... Get something like Zipp 404s that give you a decent IM aero benefit and can also be used for road racing/crits (unless you are really rich - then buy everything).
2. Refer to the Masturbation Principle regarding the mention of taking a bath before riding.
3. Get to the front early in your crit tonight and show 'em you mean business. You are a chance to get away and stay away when the others dont know you.
When cleaning your bike...-is it OK to wear gloves? I am a doctor, and I cannot meet patients in the outpatient clinic the following day with ANY black stains on my hands, hope you understand that. So I actually use the finest surgical gloves when cleaning my bike. Doing that, I do not feel much like rule 9, on the other hand, is it not respectful to the bike to handle it with gloves made for working inside the human body?