It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.
Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.
Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.
The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.
Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.
As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.
The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.
The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.
There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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@Souleur, @brett
You guys both get an F for reading comprehension. Where the did you get the idea I do this every ride? That's insane, and reinforces the notion I've got that all that ever gets read on an article is the the title and the posts, with a cursory glance given to the photo.
@brett
Frame doesn't allow for the bisection position, though it does allow for Rule 41 compliance with the upward positioning. Moron.
Jamie - bored? Fuck that. Taking proper care of one's tools has nothing to do with boredom, but something to do with respecting items that you rely on. Whether it's keep my kitchen knife sharp or my drivetrain clean I do it not because I'm bored but because I use those things daily and I rely on them to do the job right.
If I spend good money on something I want it to last and I expect it to perform, thus I do my best to care for it.
Now, if you are missing rides to clean your bike, we've got a problem. But keep your stuff clean & Silent is crucial.
@Nate
I use solvent on all chains, but use Dumond Tech on my good weather bikes - there is nothing like real, honest lube to make the world hum, synthetics just can't compare.
I use a wax lubricant (White Lightning Clean Day) for the rain bike for the reason you describe (nothing sticks). I've found the chain's surfaces have to be totally free of oils for that stuff to get a good grip on the chain so it can last through a long, rainy ride.
I run the chain through the Cyclone about once a quarter with the Park solvent, and I'll run it through with Dawn about once a month. Seems to keep things happy.
Overhauled the Rain Bike recently, getting ready for the rain that's coming. For anyone who was saying that bikes don't get very dirty in the rain if you keep up with the cleaning should have hung out while I was pull the BB etc out of it; I keep my bikes cleaner than anyone I know, and even then, the BB was absolutely caked with crap. If you're limited to one bike and ride it in the rain, take heed.
@motor city
And the cut-off bidon in the cage with the solvent as you clean the chain. Very Pro, very cool. The Pavé Cycling Classics guys do it that way and it seemed to work exceptionally well.
@snoov
That's what I'm talkin' about, brother.
To credit brett, cleaning the chain with lube is good. It does the most good after the ride though, giving new lube extra time to seep into the links -- before the next ride. That skewer (brett) keeps the chain clean(er) while you attempt to clean it without breaking the chain. No need to break a chain for cleaning if you use the skewer. And as long as you remove and clean the cassette. And buff the chainrings. Removing the cassette to polish each cog restores my soul -- the bike's soul as well.
@frank
Don't risk getting solvent on a carbon cage -- that is if you have a carbon cage.
@Jamie
Is this you?
@G'rilla
Sand. Yuck. It gets everywhere. Get it out of your chain, cassette, and chain rings, too - that stuff will wear down your kit like nothing else.
Photos from Sunday's race? Sounds epic. It rained quite a bit here, I'm guessing it did for the race, too!
It's awesome to have a very clean and waxed bike with a perfectly lubed chain in preparation for the A group Sunday morning ride only to have it rain the night before (which is standard in Belgium) and the leader of the club ride takes us through 90km of sand, washed out broken glass, greasy cobbles, sand, dirt and more sand. I can just hear my once clean chain grinding down to dust.
For me, the most satisfying part of the clean is a turning over the drivetrain with a rag covered finger pressed up against the rear mech jockey wheels. Seeing and feeling them come clean is beautiful.
These are my padewans of choice when it comes to clean bike day...which incidentally was yesterday..there is nothing these dogs do not know about bike cleaning..largely because I have made every mistake in the book!