It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.
Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.
Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.
The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.
Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.
As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.
The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.
The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.
There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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"As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up."
Reminds me of a truism that seems more and more valid as I grow older, "One should never meet their heroes."
This article just reminds me that I really need to clean my bike more, period.
This is timely. I have discovered an interesting phenomenon - it is possible to get certain parts too clean. Yes, there is all that talk about high pressure soap and water into bearings. I've discovered it is all too true. Of particular note is wheels and spokes. Clean a wheel at your peril, as the post cleaning ritual must include nipple lube (!) and re-lube of the spokes where they cross and affix to the hub. My Fat Ass really deflects a wheel, and there is nothing that distracts from the v-locus like wheels popping and clicking. Grease into the dropouts and onto the skewer. Lube, grease, repeat. Lube goes everywhere there is a joint. I even fucking lube the little fucking presta valve. If it could make a sound, it gets greased.
Great article and great discussion (again!)
I have recently diagnosed myself mechanical paranoia. This includes worries about how often I wash my bike and the methods I use. Am I getting too much water in to bearings, into the frame itself? Is normal washing up liquid bad for the bike? Should I bring it into the house to dry out??
I am also using paraffin to clean my chain and cassette. It works very well and I always try to rinse it well, but is it wrong to use paraffin on your bike??
I don't believe in cleaning the bike every ride (and sometimes a dirty bike is an indication to me of a good week of making credits into the V Bank) but firmly believe washing the bike brings you closer to the workings of the bike and keeps you on top of issues that require maintenance
I have recently diagnosed myself with mechanical paranoia
...and shit typing skills
Don't have a mutt, but have my young son with me every time I wash and maintain my bike. He's great company and learning many life lessons at the same time, how to love and care for your bike, bike maintenance, how to correctly use tools and how to care for them...
... it's more than just washing a bike, it's cultivating a relationship with my son so that when he's older, he will willingly come along and kick our asses.
The bike clean is also a basic safety check - that's when you see the rip in the tyre, the frayed cable, the cracked rim etc. OCD helps a lot with peace of mind when travelling at 60kph.
@frank
Interesting.
I think my original post was unclear. I was talking about waxing the frame, not the chain. Carry on.
@frank
You expect me to read? Shit.
It doesn't say you don't do it every ride... or does it, I just took a cursory glance!
@Deakus
Nice dogs... my dog Marty is a goldy, lives with parents in Aus, he's about 15 and looking a bit whiter than golden!
@Frank: "Is this you?"
Hell no! Do you think I'm some kind of perv; getting into a shower with a mountain bike? Lord no, I only shower with the road bike. You guys are a bunch of sickos!
@frank @Deakus @brett
I have only just discovered the joys of bike cleaning in the company of a mutt. I thought it would be cool - so far it isn't. The rascally little fucker can't help but stealup anything I leave lying within her reach for more than a second. So far rags and paint brushes seem to be the favorites.
And she keeps knocking over my stubbies.