It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.
Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.
Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.
The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.
Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.
As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.
The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.
The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.
There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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Living in the southern Scottish Highlands and it's attendant typical weather I sometimes feel that bike cleaning is like that greek myth where the feller has to empty the ocean with a leaky spoon, it can be a thankless task, without end, and repeated daily and as I wheel the trusty steed out the driveway with a Rule #9 sh** eating grin on my face most days, the feeling is tempered slightly knowing the cleaning of the bike was probably only of therapeutic value. But it still needs to be done.
@IcemanYVR
Wash with my older son too. If I have 'em both on hand they'll fight over the hose, everyone will get soaked and the job won't be done. With one I can focus on inculcating one of life's most important lessons: Never direct high pressure spray at anything that turns on bearings.
@Nate am glad you havent focused on them not directing the high pressure spray at each other. Kids have gotta have some fun.
@Nate
Been using Motorex Bike Shine which is essentially Rain-X for bikes. Also use it on the helmet. Motorex products were featured on BMC facebook page.
@Marcus
No doubt. They know a lot more about how to have fun with a hose than I do.
@Ali McKee You may want to council higher wisdom, but I think there is a lot of salt in dish washing up liquid. I use muc off.
@unversio
This is, for me, the best part: anticipating the concentric circles of teeth to gleam in silent readiness for the next ride.
@meursault
The poisons helplines says dish liquid is basiclly a strong salt solution, which confirms what you are saying. (don't ask)
I use simple green, brake cleaner, and INOX for various cleaning and lubricating duties. Gloves advised fo sho.
Cleaning with the kids can definately be fun, if you can keep them out of the grease, my little guy loves dad holding the 'hoops' in the air so he can spray the bubbles off with the hose too..
My fav thing to do is get a rag and run it between cogs in the cassette, going back and forth using the freehub to move the cogs around for you, and watch that puppy come up shining. Seems strange how happy this makes me..
Actually enjoy finding out the nuances of what everyone does, I get tips and tricks all the time reading the comments here..
My three-legged cat likes to lick the bladed spokes on my wheels if I let my bike sit out in the living room after a ride.
Does that count as cleaning?
@unversio
The product I'm using right now smells like Pledge furniture polish but costs more. When I run out, I'll just get Pledge itself.