It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.
Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.
Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.
The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.
Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.
As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.
The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.
The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.
There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
@Ken Ho
On the contrary, I would say life is too short to spend it riding a dirty chain. Paradoxically, riding a clean chain is only a luxury when you first ride a dirty chain.
Keep it clean, mate.
Took my bike to the LBS tonight to rectify some front shifting issues I've been having. I had not cleaned my Roubaix after 230Kms of riding this weekend, and I told the mech I was a little embarrassed as to my bike's condition. He said, "Dude, your ride only needs to be polished up compared to some of the shit we see around here. Oh, but your white bar tape looks like ass."
Retaping tonight.
@frank
@frank
Oh contraire, Fronk me old cock. My beloved steed is Rule #65 compliant. Whilst I would have your granny turning in her grave over mirrors and man-gina bags, The Principle of Silence is beyond question. No noise but teh soothing hum of tyres on asphalt and teh occasional click of perfectly tuned Record.
I just don't find that things get dirty enough often enough for me to be too OCD about it.
I have found that too much lubricant causes more mess and attracts more crap, so I don't overdo that. It gets a wash, don't you worry, when the coffee stains are noticeable. It does get ridden more than it gets cleaned though.
Lots of rain in the last couple of years here, but being Rule #9 compliant, I just ride #1 in the rain. No rain bike for me, just a bit of extra WD40 on the drivetrain. It might be a bit out of vogue now, and it smells a bit when you spray it on, but it is still a wonderful water repellant.
On the chain cleaning point: I did a ride with 15 k on gravel & dirt a few weeks ago. Lots of gunk on the chain after. Being of the @Oli school I don't believe in degreasing the thing, but there was a lot of dirt up in the interior of the chain. So I put some Rock n Roll lube in the chain cleaner to get the dirt off. After that you could eat off the chain and it was well lubed. Discuss.
@frank
And will continue to more than make up for it for another 25 weeks. 35, if adjusted for HST and general Canadian HTFUness.
@PeakInTwoYears
Given the cost differential between Campagnolo chains & cassettes, I regularly check for chain stretch with the proper tool and err on the side of more frequent chain replacement. 7k km is about what I get.
@frank
Whachoo talkin bout Willis?
My Shimano cassettes all have spacers between the larger cogs. The smallest ~three come off in a little group while the larger ones all come apart individually and have little spacers you have to keep track of while cleaning everything...
@mcsqueak
This puzzled me also, my largest three cogs come off together but the rest are separate. There are three spacers for the mid range and then the smallest cogs have an integrated spacer. It's maybe just that @frank doesn't ever work on Shimano.
All here probably know this one but the moist baby wipes are perfect for a snappy cleanup. Not much use if you have been riding cross or MTB but gets rid of grease and grime pretty well. Just make sure you dont pinch the last pack when your other half needs them for the infant. That's a once only mistake.
@frankYeah I just checked the MSDS for Dawn/pretty much any dish soap - Sodium Laureth Sulphate and Sodium Lauryl Sulphate, which are sodium salts. I would say what you have been doing is fine if you give everything a good rinse and more importantly a lube after, your upkeep sounds exemplary.
@Nate Found a site comparing chain stretch tools http://pardo.net/bike/pic/fail-004/000.html#commercial-wear-measuring-tools. Who knows, you may have the right one. It basically said most need to add more tension to the measurement, or measure from the wrong side (add slack rather than taking it up). A mate just bought a cheap as chain and hangs it on the wall, then hangs the used chain against it and measures the diff and compares to what The Sheldon Brown says (I think 1/8th inch over 12 links is worn out?). I do the same but measure at 24th link for increased effect, therefore easier measurement.