Categories: La Vie VelominatusNostalgiaTradition

La Vie Velominatus: Clean Bike Day

There is nothing quite like riding a freshly cleaned machine

It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.

Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.

Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.

The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.

Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.

As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.

The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.

The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.

There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

G'rilla says:

Oct 16 2012 at 3:05 pm

@frank

I was discussing it with my newest Pedalwan yesterday just before posting that; he is looking at a SRAM Red CX machine and the thought of the dome cassette was in my mind at the time.

Two races this weekend! Saturday and Sunday.

http://cascadecross.com/races/woolley-cross-deux/

http://www.mfgcyclocross.com/series-information/magnuson-park-cross/
Leroy says:

Oct 16 2012 at 3:07 pm

@frank

I'm not sure how the hollow pin would effect chain wear? The pins might break, but I don't see how they would encourage stretching?

I think chain wear depends on a combination of how big a gear you push, how much you accelerate (remember, climbing is basically accelerating constantly) and how clean you keep it (grit encourages wear).

My rain bike drive train gets replaced every year, no questions asked. No gauges, no measurements, no nothing. I know its shot by the time the rainy season ends.

Excellent point! I think that's more than likely my culprit... Lots or short but punchy climbs around here and, with my considerable girth, it's like a flat out sprint every time the terrain points up, lol. That and I tend to turn a low'ish cadence, 85-90rpm or so.
Ron says:

Oct 16 2012 at 4:37 pm

And all of this about wear & replacement is yet another reason to have a bunch o' bikes. If you are riding three or four different bikes in a week things are gonna last a long time! (Unless you need to ride the rain bike 4 months a year.)

I clean my chains every couplea rides, swap tires when needed, but since I ride a few different bikes fairly often I rarely have to swap out chains & cassettes.

I'm curious to see how long my cross bike chain/cassette lasts. Yup, subject to more wear and tear and muck but I clean it all the time.

Frank - a grand on chains & cassettes?! OUCH!!

Am I the only one who wants to punch shop employees who get stuff at cost when they tell you they swap chains every 800 miles? I find this to be ridiculously low. And I don't think I've ever worn a road bike chain in that span.
Ken Ho says:

Oct 16 2012 at 5:18 pm

@Nate

I spent 2 minutes looking for a more appropriate thread (i.e., one relating to the track) to put this in but can't be arsed to look further. Sir Chris Hoy & Danny MacAskill at the velodrome.

Top link. I've jsut watched it at work without sound. Can't wait to get home. Both fantasitic athletes.

I love taht poc helmet Danny is wearing. Wonder how that would go as a triathlon helmet, or if they do a more tri opriented version ?
Ken Ho says:

Oct 16 2012 at 5:20 pm

I think they over-geared Danny a bit though. BIg difference in the cadence they were generating.
eightzero says:

Oct 16 2012 at 5:30 pm

@frank

@eightzero

Let's hear the Tall Tales from the Velominati about how long their components lasted because they kept them clean. I am going on 8000 miles on a Bro-Set, but have recently put on the third chain in that period, replacing it before the 1.0 wear mark on the Park Tool. The clean drive train still shifts very smoothly, although I'm not sure I can tell the difference between "shark shaped worn teeth" and designed shifting ramps.

Another money making idea: someone make a wear indicator tool for cassettes and chainrings?

Wear goes in the other direction; basically the ramps all help lift the chain onto the next cog; the wear in the cassette is an elongating of the valley between cogs and a sharpening of the tooth - like a sharks tooth. You can usually see the telltale widening horizontally of the wear as it starts to sit in.

My chains last less long the more I Rule #10 the climbs around here. Makes a significant difference. I roll V-Meter a lot of the time, though, so no clue how many kms wind up in the chains.

Ah, my master....wise you are in the ways of the Force (and rival and red) but you misunderstand the principle of making a buck off cycling suckers. Don't tell them how you can see the wear; sell them an expensive (preferably patented) tool to measure it. Profit.
Souleur says:

Oct 16 2012 at 5:52 pm

@frank

@Souleur, @brett

You guys both get an F for reading comprehension. Where the did you get the idea I do this every ride? That's insane, and reinforces the notion I've got that all that ever gets read on an article is the the title and the posts, with a cursory glance given to the photo.

@brett

And wtf is up with that skewer?

Frame doesn't allow for the bisection position, though it does allow for Rule #41 compliance with the upward positioning. Moron.

Frank, i didn't say anything about you giving me the idea in the article, other than my obsessive compulsions come out after reading it and deducing and the voices they say to Souleur...if clean is clean, and its right....which IT IS, then one should do it every ride. Dude, its tongue in cheek, here i'll split my aspirin with ya. BTW, I read every word, religiously. Strong work
Leroy says:

Oct 16 2012 at 6:10 pm

@Ron

Am I the only one who wants to punch shop employees who get stuff at cost when they tell you they swap chains every 800 miles? I find this to be ridiculously low. And I don't think I've ever worn a road bike chain in that span.

Don't hate on shop employees! Those guys hook it up! I haven't paid retail in like.... I don't remember the last time actually. A $140 KMC X10SL DLC chain, which shifts better than any SRAM or Shimano chain I've ever used, runs me $60 and change... and the occasional six pack of microbrew or safety meeting sponsorship.

Make nice with the shop guys... it's in your best interest!!!
Oli says:

Oct 17 2012 at 2:48 am

Very cool, cheers @Nate
Chris says:

Oct 17 2012 at 4:15 am

@Ken Ho That looks a bit like an Imperial gunners helmet.