Categories: La Vie VelominatusNostalgiaTradition

La Vie Velominatus: Clean Bike Day

There is nothing quite like riding a freshly cleaned machine

It seemed so easy, when I was young, to decide who to love and who to hate. These days, life is a complicated web of heroic deeds and dark shadows. As we get older, it appears our heroes and villains get mixed up.

Fortunately for us, Cycling is about much more than bike racing. It is about loving the machine, submitting ourselves to the cathedral of our environment, about wrapping ourselves in the sensations of the ride. For us, it is about La Vie Velominatus, none of which has anything to do with what the Pros are up to when the lights are turned away. La Vie Velominatus is about the love of life as one of Cycling’s dedicated disciples.

Tyler Hamilton spoke of riding clean as riding paniagua – on bread and water. When a Velominatus speaks of riding clean, we speak of riding on a freshly cleaned bicycle – one of the greatest pleasures to be found.

The process starts with the careful removing of the wheels, then cleaning of the frame, the brakes, the fork, the stem, saddle, and seat pin with soapy water. The wheels are cleaned by scrubbing the rims with a broad brush, and the hubs with a cone brush. The soap has to be frothy enough, it has to stand on its own, like when a cartoon character takes a bath. The foam has to fall off in big clumps and threaten to float away in the breeze.

Finally, the drive train gets its turn. To hold the chain in place, I use a special skewer with a cog that was given to me by @roadslave in a drunken fit of brotherly drive-train-cleaning love at Keepers Tour 2012. I fit the chain on its cog and affix the Park Cyclone which looks distressingly like an abstract representation of Gonzo’s head. Apparently, I’m a big enough man not to be bothered by holding a tool by a Muppets schwantz-like nose, provided it does a good job cleaning my chain. The teeth on the chainrings are cleaned with stiff-bristled brush using the residual solvent left over from cleaning the chain, as are the pulleys in the derailleur.

As a final order of business, the handlebars are scrubbed of any residual dirt and the machine is set aside to dry and await its next ride.

The bike can be cleaned in the workshop or in the driveway, or in the back yard on a sunny day. If the bike is cleaned indoors, it is necessary to play a cycling video in the background. Maybe Stars and Water Carriers, the The Road to Roubaix, or A Sunday in Hell. When cleaning outdoors, it is good to be accompanied by a loyal mut. Whether indoors or out, however, it should always be done with both ample time and a pint at hand. This is a ritual which may not be rushed.

The first ride on a freshly cleaned machine is possibly my favorite. It is much better than the first ride on a new bike, as a new bike is yet unfamiliar beneath you. The freshly cleaned steed, on the other hand, runs flawlessly and we respond to each other like the familiar old friends that we are.

There is no day to ride quite like Clean Bike Day. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

xyxax says:

Oct 15 2012 at 8:01 pm

A newly clean bike and freshly shaved legs. Bliss.
frank says:

Oct 15 2012 at 8:55 pm

@eightzero

This is timely. I have discovered an interesting phenomenon - it is possible to get certain parts too clean. Yes, there is all that talk about high pressure soap and water into bearings. I've discovered it is all too true. Of particular note is wheels and spokes. Clean a wheel at your peril, as the post cleaning ritual must include nipple lube (!) and re-lube of the spokes where they cross and affix to the hub. My Fat Ass really deflects a wheel, and there is nothing that distracts from the V-Locus like wheels popping and clicking. Grease into the dropouts and onto the skewer. Lube, grease, repeat. Lube goes everywhere there is a joint. I even fucking lube the little fucking presta valve. If it could make a sound, it gets greased.

YOU WITH THE PRESSURE WASHER WHO PAYS FOR THEIR STUFF. STEP AWAY FROM THE BICYCLE.

Brushes, sponges, rags. All good for bikes. Hoses, pressure washers, etc, not so much.
Dan_R says:

Oct 15 2012 at 8:55 pm

The joy of a clean bike!

I use the mist setting on the garden hose, dish soap, and warm water. To get into hte ugly stuff, I will use rubbin' alcohol. Cheap and it evapourates quickly. When I charge for a tune-up and the bike need cleaning, it is a great way to check everything for the client, and people love a clean bike.
frank says:

Oct 15 2012 at 8:57 pm

@Deakus Awesome, awesome doggs. They've got your back for sure.

@Mclennan

Havent found the Boxer of any use for cleaning any of the bikes but good fun to watch lapping Ballarat Velodrome at speed.

GOLD! Boy, that shot makes me happy.
frank says:

Oct 15 2012 at 9:03 pm

@Ali McKee

You clean your drivetrain with a puffin? You say its effective? I'd be much too tempted to cuddle rather than get round to cleaning things.

@IcemanYVR

Don't have a mutt, but have my young son with me every time I wash and maintain my bike. He's great company and learning many life lessons at the same time, how to love and care for your bike, bike maintenance, how to correctly use tools and how to care for them...

... it's more than just washing a bike, it's cultivating a relationship with my son so that when he's older, he will willingly come along and kick our asses.

Ok, yeah. Senseing your son trumps chillin' with your dog. We get it.
Dan_R says:

Oct 15 2012 at 9:04 pm

@Mclennan Great shot. I love the drome. May not be hep with the cleaning, but the boxer know the right way around.

My cat puts up with me.
frank says:

Oct 15 2012 at 9:08 pm

@Marcus

@frank @Deakus @brett
I have only just discovered the joys of bike cleaning in the company of a mutt. I thought it would be cool - so far it isn't. The rascally little fucker can't help but stealup anything I leave lying within her reach for more than a second. So far rags and paint brushes seem to be the favorites.

And she keeps knocking over my stubbies.

Training is key. And get her a little bed to chill in.

And if she bites the frame itself, "Marcus, SMASH."
frank says:

Oct 15 2012 at 9:14 pm

@strathlubnaig

Living in the southern Scottish Highlands and it's attendant typical weather I sometimes feel that bike cleaning is like that greek myth where the feller has to empty the ocean with a leaky spoon, it can be a thankless task, without end, and repeated daily and as I wheel the trusty steed out the driveway with a Rule #9 sh** eating grin on my face most days, the feeling is tempered slightly knowing the cleaning of the bike was probably only of therapeutic value. But it still needs to be done.

And therein lies the beauty of the Rain Bike. You can ease off the throttle a hair and keep the real OCD for Bike #1.

I sympathize, though, as Fall has just hit Seattle in earnest. 80 days without significant rain (maybe a record) and we made up for it in about 25 minutes today.
frank says:

Oct 15 2012 at 9:17 pm

@brett

Ah, its OK. I see I slipped up anyway, and photographed the bike in the big dog anyway. Accidents do happen, even to people as awesome as we are.
frank says:

Oct 15 2012 at 9:22 pm

@Beers

The poisons helplines says dish liquid is basiclly a strong salt solution, which confirms what you are saying. (don't ask)

Oh me oh my. I had no clue. Dawn has just been demoted back to the lowly task of cleaning the crap I eat off, not the holiness I ride on. Thanks for that.

@Beers

My fav thing to do is get a rag and run it between cogs in the cassette, going back and forth using the freehub to move the cogs around for you, and watch that puppy come up shining. Seems strange how happy this makes me..

The brush with the right size bristles will do this effectively, but its no where near as satisfying. The best is taking it off and cleaning each cog individually, along with the spacers (Campa riders, only, I'm afraid.) Most satisfying to know things are *that* clean.