Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProReverenceTradition

La Vie Velominatus: The Toolkit

Minimalist toolkit: lightweight and compact, it fits into the center pocket.

Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take in their selection; it has taken the better part of 30 years for my toolkit to evolve to the point where it is today: a minimalist set of highly reliable tools, each carefully selected for its function, form, and weight.

In addition to the endless cycle of tools that have come in and out of the kit, their locations have changed over the years. I’ve spread them across all three pockets, careful to distribute the weight evenly. I’ve put the heaviest items in the center pocket and kept the lighter ones in the side pockets. I’ve put all the weight in the side pockets and kept the center pocket free for stuffing with other items. I’ve ridden with minipump, with CO2, with minipump and C02. I’ve strapped the pump to my seatpost (we can’t all be genius all the time). I’ve carried two multi-tools, I’ve carried loose allen keys. I’ve carried chain tools. I’ve carried multi-tools with integrated chain tools. Suffice to say, nearly every conceivable permutation has been tried.

Before I go on, I want to make a point very clear: here we are wandering deep into Velominatus territory. Every item has been selected for a function, but that function is presupposed by the notion that our bicycles are meticulously cared for and we do not expect to make major roadside repairs. Punctures, silencing a creak or rattle, making a minor shifting adjustment, straightening a handlebar, or tweaking a saddle are the types of repairs within the scope of what may be expected mid-ride. Broken chains, snapped cables, broken spokes, handlebars, or saddles are failures that are to be preempted before departure and if they happen during a ride, one is expected to limp home or find alternative means of transportation. If going on a longer ride with no bail-out, one is to adjust their kit accordingly to account for self-reliance.

I also realize that I’ve now jinxed myself for tomorrow’s Cogal. (But I said it ironically, so I think I’m safe.)

The following considerations factor into my kit selection (in no particular order):

I used to carry two (or more) spare tubes, several Co2 canisters, and a mini pump. I’m not sure exactly how many punctures I was expecting to have during my rides, but I am sure I was prepared for them. That fact that I rarely flat never figured heavily in my planning.
Patch kits have gone from being big clunky things complete with a tube of glue that smelled alarmingly good when opened, to small things you’re more likely to lose than to notice you’re carrying it.
Minipumps have become very small and very light, while still providing enough pressure to get you home.
C02 chucks have gotten small and light, and are reasonably inexpensive.
C02 canisters are similarly inexpensive, and based on how frequently I use them, do not seem an unreasonable investment.
Loose allen keys are ungainly and can be lost; a screwdriver even more so.
Most of the critical bolts on a bicycle take either a 4mm or 5mm allen key; a screwdriver head is similarly critical as sometimes a derailleur stop needs to be changed. 3mm or 6mm keys are rarely required.
Tools are heavy, and the aggregate weight of the toolkit can be significant. Take care to find lightweight, compact tools (that still function well) and you can dramatically reduce the weight you carry with you.
Latex tubes are significantly lighter and more compact that standard tubes.
iPhones are wicked rad, but Steve Jobs was clearly not a cyclist. Those things weigh like tanks.

Nirvana is a state we cannot hope to reach, though La Vie Velominatus may carry us to its outer boundaries. That is where I feel I am today when it comes to my tool kit, the contents of which are the Lezyne V5 Multitool, Lezyne Trigger Drive, Lezyne Smark Kit, two Lezyne Alloy Levers, two 12g Co2 cartridges, my phone, cash, ID, and inhaler (like most Pros, I’m asthmatic). I organize my kit into separate small plastic bags, but do not store the lot in a Rule #31 Sack, like many of my esteemed peers. Instead, I opt to keep things stored separately in my center jersey pocket, such that I am able to pull items such as my phone or multitool out of my pocket (while riding) without needing to remove everything else with it.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Toolkit /”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next New Rules »

Previous « Il Progetto: Nederaap CX-V

View Comments

frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 10:54 am

@Blah
Espresso on the screen. +1 badge to you, my man!
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:00 am

@doubleR

Judging by the responses, it appears that a serious insurrection is underway against our beloved, esteemed Founder and Keeper. Can you say "heresy?"

All sins are punished in time. Next time you're out riding the Man with the Hammer pays a visit, you'll all know why.
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:06 am

@paolo

@Blah
If you get a tiny Leyzene pack or a Fizik clip on it doesn't move. Indeed the Lyzene mini can barely been seen when the rider is mounted.

The fizik clipons will unclip. Beware.@scaler911

So tell me clowns that are "dissenting" on Rule #31; How do you keep your shit dry in your EPMS in the rain? Pray tell you're not using fenders. Nothing quite as fun as getting a wet tube into a wet tire with a flat. At least when the tubes dry, and the inside of the tire is mostly dry, the change goes fast. Which is important when it's 3C and pouring rain out and your fingers don't work. I quit using a 'saddle bag' in '92. If you're clever, you don't really need to take much anyway; 3 pockets and I can get all my schizzle in one. Leaves me two for storage and gels etc.
To the "you don't want to land on it during a crash" crowd, that should be the least of your worries. By the time the your helmet has cracked, and your collar bone has broken most of the force of impact is done. It'd be amazingly rare for you to land full force on the small of your back which is concave anyway. 22 years in ER/ OR, 20 years training/ racing never seen that injury.
Just my humble opinion of course.

Amen, brother. Amen. Our ride saturday was 4-5 hours, big hills, big change in weather/temperature, kit going in and out of the pockets with food, no issue.

Always remember to fold your jackets and gilets flat and tuck them under the jersey. Much mo' betta than in the pockets.
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:10 am

@scaler911, @Oli, @Blah, @Buck Rogers

@Buck Rogers

@Blah

@Oli

So, we're all agreed? The consensus is that we either use an EPMS or/and our pockets, as we see fit and depending on our unique needs.

'Agreed' from me, sure. As long as we all agree that they look shite on the bike, of course.

Jesus FUCKIN' Christ! Pere Fronk goes away for a day and everyone goes bloody bananas.
You all need to re-read Rule #2, Rule #3 and Rule #29. What else is there to say?!?!?

+1, Nipple Lube!

For the record: no, we're not agreed. Just because there are a handful of wingnuts admitting to fucking cheerleaders doesn't make cheating on your wife OK!

And I'll remind you again, this is not a fuckin' democracy! Didn't you hear? Democracy failed.
mcsqueak says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:12 am

@frank

Always remember to fold your jackets and gilets flat and tuck them under the jersey. Much mo' betta than in the pockets.

So... my lightning quick roll-n-stash of the jacket at that stop light didn't impress you in the slightest? Need to up my game!
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:13 am

@Oli

Is that some sort of Flite replica with extra padding?!

Its the women's version. It feels better on his mangina.

@Calmante

I'm grateful that we don't use chest pockets any longer!

+1
Nate says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:18 am

@paolo
One ride pounding over a rough road is all it took for me to destroy my fizik clip on ballsack. Of course, this was back in the days when I was ignorant of Rule 33.
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:19 am

@mcsqueak

@frank
Always remember to fold your jackets and gilets flat and tuck them under the jersey. Much mo' betta than in the pockets.
So... my lightning quick roll-n-stash of the jacket at that stop light didn't impress you in the slightest? Need to up my game!

After watching you waffle about whether or not to do it, it went unnoticed. Sorry. The right way to do it is to just sit up, unzip, slip it off, fold it a few times until it's about as wide as your three pockets and nice and flat, and slip it under the jersey, then grab the bars again and carry on.

All done while riding mid-bunch without deviating from your line and or altering your speed. In a phrase: Casually Deliberate.
doubleR says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:37 am

@frank

@BlahEspresso on the screen. +1 badge to you, my man!

I used to have a button that read "Coffee is God."
Chris says:

Feb 6 2012 at 11:58 am

@Albert

Just thoght I'd throw this into the mix.
I'm with Gerro on this one.

@David Millar

Ok, even I feel bad about this, too cold to wash one bike, so took saddle-bag, pump & training wheels off and put them on a clean bike.

Looks like he's not the only pro with scant regard for the rules. But I'm with the lanky Dutchman on this, doesn't matter whether the pros do it or not, it still needs to look fantastic. And +1 to everyone who's suggested working out what you actually use and if it includes a stack of tools then get your shit sorted before you ride.