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La Vie Velominatus: The Toolkit

Minimalist toolkit: lightweight and compact, it fits into the center pocket.

Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take in their selection; it has taken the better part of 30 years for my toolkit to evolve to the point where it is today: a minimalist set of highly reliable tools, each carefully selected for its function, form, and weight.

In addition to the endless cycle of tools that have come in and out of the kit, their locations have changed over the years. I’ve spread them across all three pockets, careful to distribute the weight evenly. I’ve put the heaviest items in the center pocket and kept the lighter ones in the side pockets. I’ve put all the weight in the side pockets and kept the center pocket free for stuffing with other items. I’ve ridden with minipump, with CO2, with minipump and C02. I’ve strapped the pump to my seatpost (we can’t all be genius all the time). I’ve carried two multi-tools, I’ve carried loose allen keys. I’ve carried chain tools. I’ve carried multi-tools with integrated chain tools. Suffice to say, nearly every conceivable permutation has been tried.

Before I go on, I want to make a point very clear: here we are wandering deep into Velominatus territory. Every item has been selected for a function, but that function is presupposed by the notion that our bicycles are meticulously cared for and we do not expect to make major roadside repairs. Punctures, silencing a creak or rattle, making a minor shifting adjustment, straightening a handlebar, or tweaking a saddle are the types of repairs within the scope of what may be expected mid-ride. Broken chains, snapped cables, broken spokes, handlebars, or saddles are failures that are to be preempted before departure and if they happen during a ride, one is expected to limp home or find alternative means of transportation. If going on a longer ride with no bail-out, one is to adjust their kit accordingly to account for self-reliance.

I also realize that I’ve now jinxed myself for tomorrow’s Cogal. (But I said it ironically, so I think I’m safe.)

The following considerations factor into my kit selection (in no particular order):

I used to carry two (or more) spare tubes, several Co2 canisters, and a mini pump. I’m not sure exactly how many punctures I was expecting to have during my rides, but I am sure I was prepared for them. That fact that I rarely flat never figured heavily in my planning.
Patch kits have gone from being big clunky things complete with a tube of glue that smelled alarmingly good when opened, to small things you’re more likely to lose than to notice you’re carrying it.
Minipumps have become very small and very light, while still providing enough pressure to get you home.
C02 chucks have gotten small and light, and are reasonably inexpensive.
C02 canisters are similarly inexpensive, and based on how frequently I use them, do not seem an unreasonable investment.
Loose allen keys are ungainly and can be lost; a screwdriver even more so.
Most of the critical bolts on a bicycle take either a 4mm or 5mm allen key; a screwdriver head is similarly critical as sometimes a derailleur stop needs to be changed. 3mm or 6mm keys are rarely required.
Tools are heavy, and the aggregate weight of the toolkit can be significant. Take care to find lightweight, compact tools (that still function well) and you can dramatically reduce the weight you carry with you.
Latex tubes are significantly lighter and more compact that standard tubes.
iPhones are wicked rad, but Steve Jobs was clearly not a cyclist. Those things weigh like tanks.

Nirvana is a state we cannot hope to reach, though La Vie Velominatus may carry us to its outer boundaries. That is where I feel I am today when it comes to my tool kit, the contents of which are the Lezyne V5 Multitool, Lezyne Trigger Drive, Lezyne Smark Kit, two Lezyne Alloy Levers, two 12g Co2 cartridges, my phone, cash, ID, and inhaler (like most Pros, I’m asthmatic). I organize my kit into separate small plastic bags, but do not store the lot in a Rule #31 Sack, like many of my esteemed peers. Instead, I opt to keep things stored separately in my center jersey pocket, such that I am able to pull items such as my phone or multitool out of my pocket (while riding) without needing to remove everything else with it.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Buck Rogers says:

Feb 5 2012 at 9:53 am

@lifeaftergeorge
Man, I can never look at a photo of GH without seeing his unborn twin popping out of his left calf. That vein complex is like something out of Total Recall. I wonder if he's give it a name?
scaler911 says:

Feb 5 2012 at 9:55 am

@doubleR

Judging by the responses, it appears that a serious insurrection is underway against our beloved, esteemed Founder and Keeper. Can you say "heresy?"

Don't worry. I'm sure that he'll respond as soon as he is back to his castle, after the most awesome Cogal to date.
TommyTubolare says:

Feb 5 2012 at 10:26 am

@paolo
Look Paolo use what you have to use but don't tell me that carrying a spare tubular is somehow an disadvantage to carrying all the junk you mentioned plus the saddle bag just to fix your flat.So to sum up you ride on clinchers which unfortunately cannot compare in riding qualities to tubies plus you need to carry all that stuff with you and yet you came up with 'who wants to carry around a tubby'.In what way tubular set up is worse?

In regards to pros with saddle bags on their training camps you should ask yourself a question 'why the hell they need to use a saddle bag when they have a car with spare wheels following them'.Since training camps are full of press guys marketing works very well and selling useless gear for incoming season is much easier.

And let's be honest about it- pros or not pros saddle bag on a race bike looks shit and that's all there's to it.Use it if you believe in its functionality but it just doesn't look good.
paolo says:

Feb 5 2012 at 12:44 pm

@TommyTubolare

Where I live and ride we are fortunate enough to have pro's come train from time to time. Over the last few years I have seen BMC HTC Saxo Bank and some lesser domestic teams out training. In fact they invariably stay at the same hotel and somehow (probably twitter which I don't use because I am a curmudgeon) everyone knows when they show up. So far when I have seen them training they have not had a support vehicle on the road with them at that time. But hey, that's just what I've seen.

My opinion (for it's just that) is that carrying a spare tubular is more cumbersome than "all that junk". Which isn't really all that much. Also the ride quality might be sublime, for me I don't want the concern of having to change a tubular out on the road but you know, each to his own.

Your last point is smack on. It looks shit. The smaller the bag the less shit it looks so at least I try to minimize it's shitness. I try to put that stuff in pockets. I don't care for it. Overstuffed pockets look shit too I think. I am more likely to break this rule in winter when I carry more shit than in summer and believe me I am trying to work towards compliance just for asthetic reasons. Until I find a permanent solution I am happy with I will continue to keep my tiny little fizik pack. I think in my own case at least the bikes asthetic qualities are completely fucked when this particular rider is aboard anyhow so I can't make it much worse.

Sorry if my dislike of carrying tubbies offended you. I guess with your SN I should have expected it.
Calmante says:

Feb 5 2012 at 1:02 pm

Oh, no! Clinchers versus Tubulars, round #12,427,926.

I prefer clinchers, but are any Pro Tour teams riding them this year?
Albert says:

Feb 5 2012 at 1:07 pm

Just thoght I'd throw this into the mix.

I'm with Gerro on this one.
TommyTubolare says:

Feb 5 2012 at 1:43 pm

@paolo
First of all you must be located in a nice area to see pros training.I visited few training camps before and always saw a service car,either directly after a group or parked very near ready to be called if help was needed.

I wasn't really offended by your comment.All I wanted to point out is that carrying a spare tubie is not really that much more to carry around.We all have choices and I completely understand that to some dealing with tubies is just too much hassle.If I was calling it a hassle it would have been a hassle well worth it.Not many see it in the same way unfortunately and I'm fine with that.Wishing you no flats!
TommyTubolare says:

Feb 5 2012 at 1:52 pm

@Calmante
No,not really.I'm not ready for that either and I know what I need to know.Your round number made me laugh though.Ha.
Dr C says:

Feb 5 2012 at 2:02 pm

I used a EPMS to get some extra shit to work on Friday morning, forgot to take it off yesterday when out in the pishing cold rain for 25K - fantastic - kept it on today for 90K run, and apart from a bit of clanking on the Contadorian dancing sections, it was fantastic not to have that stuff in my pockets, but just stuck the arm warmers and spare gloves instead, and a couple of gels

Also got a winter jacket witha breast pocket which is class for the phone and cash

I'm defo with the EPMS dissenters now....
Blah says:

Feb 5 2012 at 2:20 pm

@Dr C

kept it on today for 90K run, and apart from a bit of clanking on the Contadorian dancing sections, it was fantastic not to have that stuff in my pockets, but just stuck the arm warmers and spare gloves instead, and a couple of gels

Close your eyes and visualise that clanking from behind, the EPMS swinging from side to side... Urgh.

Seriously, I don't live in a place that you ever need spare clothes and I don't shed clothes as I ride, again due to climate. Very easy for me to just use pockets. And I love it.