Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProReverenceTradition

La Vie Velominatus: The Toolkit

Minimalist toolkit: lightweight and compact, it fits into the center pocket.

Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take in their selection; it has taken the better part of 30 years for my toolkit to evolve to the point where it is today: a minimalist set of highly reliable tools, each carefully selected for its function, form, and weight.

In addition to the endless cycle of tools that have come in and out of the kit, their locations have changed over the years. I’ve spread them across all three pockets, careful to distribute the weight evenly. I’ve put the heaviest items in the center pocket and kept the lighter ones in the side pockets. I’ve put all the weight in the side pockets and kept the center pocket free for stuffing with other items. I’ve ridden with minipump, with CO2, with minipump and C02. I’ve strapped the pump to my seatpost (we can’t all be genius all the time). I’ve carried two multi-tools, I’ve carried loose allen keys. I’ve carried chain tools. I’ve carried multi-tools with integrated chain tools. Suffice to say, nearly every conceivable permutation has been tried.

Before I go on, I want to make a point very clear: here we are wandering deep into Velominatus territory. Every item has been selected for a function, but that function is presupposed by the notion that our bicycles are meticulously cared for and we do not expect to make major roadside repairs. Punctures, silencing a creak or rattle, making a minor shifting adjustment, straightening a handlebar, or tweaking a saddle are the types of repairs within the scope of what may be expected mid-ride. Broken chains, snapped cables, broken spokes, handlebars, or saddles are failures that are to be preempted before departure and if they happen during a ride, one is expected to limp home or find alternative means of transportation. If going on a longer ride with no bail-out, one is to adjust their kit accordingly to account for self-reliance.

I also realize that I’ve now jinxed myself for tomorrow’s Cogal. (But I said it ironically, so I think I’m safe.)

The following considerations factor into my kit selection (in no particular order):

I used to carry two (or more) spare tubes, several Co2 canisters, and a mini pump. I’m not sure exactly how many punctures I was expecting to have during my rides, but I am sure I was prepared for them. That fact that I rarely flat never figured heavily in my planning.
Patch kits have gone from being big clunky things complete with a tube of glue that smelled alarmingly good when opened, to small things you’re more likely to lose than to notice you’re carrying it.
Minipumps have become very small and very light, while still providing enough pressure to get you home.
C02 chucks have gotten small and light, and are reasonably inexpensive.
C02 canisters are similarly inexpensive, and based on how frequently I use them, do not seem an unreasonable investment.
Loose allen keys are ungainly and can be lost; a screwdriver even more so.
Most of the critical bolts on a bicycle take either a 4mm or 5mm allen key; a screwdriver head is similarly critical as sometimes a derailleur stop needs to be changed. 3mm or 6mm keys are rarely required.
Tools are heavy, and the aggregate weight of the toolkit can be significant. Take care to find lightweight, compact tools (that still function well) and you can dramatically reduce the weight you carry with you.
Latex tubes are significantly lighter and more compact that standard tubes.
iPhones are wicked rad, but Steve Jobs was clearly not a cyclist. Those things weigh like tanks.

Nirvana is a state we cannot hope to reach, though La Vie Velominatus may carry us to its outer boundaries. That is where I feel I am today when it comes to my tool kit, the contents of which are the Lezyne V5 Multitool, Lezyne Trigger Drive, Lezyne Smark Kit, two Lezyne Alloy Levers, two 12g Co2 cartridges, my phone, cash, ID, and inhaler (like most Pros, I’m asthmatic). I organize my kit into separate small plastic bags, but do not store the lot in a Rule #31 Sack, like many of my esteemed peers. Instead, I opt to keep things stored separately in my center jersey pocket, such that I am able to pull items such as my phone or multitool out of my pocket (while riding) without needing to remove everything else with it.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

itburns says:

Feb 6 2012 at 1:45 am

The missed point beyond the aesthetics of abandoning an EPMS is that it makes you focus on what is really needed on a ride. You trim down and get to your comfort zone and then usually you find you don't need the EPMS anymore.

Same process for the "stuff in my pockets moves" argument. You need a better fitting jersey. Stuff should "disappear" when put in your pockets. If it is swinging like Ron Jeremy, you need to revisit your sizing and quality choices.
Dr C says:

Feb 6 2012 at 2:18 am

@brett
Damn, that is the way to go, stick it in the bidon - Now I've got over my anxieties about running out of water (note sure I have yet cycled far enough into the desert to need two full bidons), I think I might shift to the bidon for keeping stuff - heaven knows I've seen enough folk doing it - I can also keep a couple of electroyte tabs in there to replenish the front bottle when it needs a refil

I wonder if Specialized do a kit bottle...(gotto remain co-ordinated)

Looked at my EPMS this morning, and to be fair, it does look like a young bulls prize assets, so will have to go

I think the main reason for not keeping the tool kit in the jersey, is it doesn't need to be there, if that makes sense
Calmante says:

Feb 6 2012 at 3:53 am

@Mikael Liddy

He's on the right.

Beside the white socks and chest pockets, there are some interesting equipment choices in this photo. Note the old-school bar-end shifters on the far left, the center-pull brakes on the outside bikes, and the very odd mirrored side-pull cantilever on the center bike.
Calmante says:

Feb 6 2012 at 4:03 am

@brett

Your mate's setup does look class.

That looks like a first generation Max Flite?
bigbailey says:

Feb 6 2012 at 5:41 am

Always go riding with someone else who insists on taking their entire tool kit, use those bike bitches for their purpose.

Sticking most of it in a bidon works for me. Not great in the height of summer but I its not something I need to worry about much as I live in England and anyway, clear piss is so over rated, the brighter the better.
Rob says:

Feb 6 2012 at 6:43 am

@bigbailey

Always go riding with someone else who insists on taking their entire tool kit, use those bike bitches for their purpose.

Thank you! I have always wondered what to call those special friends.
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 10:28 am

@Clips and Straps

Carry the weight on the bike - not on you.
When dancing on the pedals uphill do you really want to be lifting that weight up and down every pedal rev ? So Anquetil put his bidon in his jersey pocket at the bottom of a hill. Just Jacque's way of unsettling his opponents. He carried out mind games all the time.
Also the damage you can do to yourself if you fall off and all those angular bits of metal get pushed into your soft body. Ouch ! You really will be suffering for your art.
Nothing wrong with a small under seat pack to carry your stuff.

If you're doing it right, dancing on the pedals allows the bike to move more than the rider. Always keep your upper body still: moving your torso is the worst thing you can do and its weight is negligibly added to by adding lightweight tools.

@chiasticon

i view use of EPMS vs jersey-packing the same way i do use of co2/pump; it just depends on what the ride/conditions dictate. certainly it's preferable to go sans-EPMS (the bike looks and feels better), but while trying to employ that approach, the one thing i absolutely DON'T want EVER is to look like this:

(ugh, it;s like a stuffed pita pocket.) so if i need the pockets for something other than the everyday ride essentials, i'll employ the EPMS. to at least distribute some of the weight/cargo.
similarly with co2, i prefer to go with whatever's lightest but also most appropriate for the ride. two co2 carts plus nozzle outweighs my topeak racerocket hp. so if i'll need at least two, the pump goes. but if it's a group ride and i want to hold everyone up as little as possible, i'll bring co2.
also, first post. hello!

Welcome! All good points, but that photo of overstuffed pockets is at least as bad as those of overstuff saddlebags swaying in the wind. But an overstuffed jersey like that is an awful thing. Bottom line: if the pockets are that full, you're carrying too much. We're not off to a picnic, we're out riding our bikes.
brett says:

Feb 6 2012 at 10:30 am

@Oli

@Calmante

It's a 'Flite 1990', apparently a re-issue of the original.
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 10:45 am

@RedRanger

The point is to be selective of what you take with you. But things that are light weight.

This.

@Blah

@chubster

@frank
dunno guys, style pts are nice but they probably should go lower on the list.

Hmmm... Do you even know which site you're posting on?

A PLUS FUCKING ONE.

@Calmante

@frank
That is a Michelin tube wrapped in a Pokemon bracelet. A colleague's little girl gave it to me as a present one day, and it fit perfectly, so there ya go. That and... Yeah, whatever, so I play Pokemon games on my Nintendo 3DS occasionally. I refuse to let go of my childhood.

Neither do I - that's why we have a thread this long about toolkits!
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 10:52 am

@lifeaftergeorge
Welcome, and strong argument. Unfortunately you're wrong.

There is always the misperception that The Rules are about Looking Pro when in fact the Rules governing these types of issues are about Looking Fantastic. Hopefully there's a large intersection in the two sets, but they are independent sets. Have a look at the Pro bunch out training and you'll see what I mean. We're also not chucking a Rule up telling people to dress like a bandit.

As for your "photo" of Big George: It's clearly an impostor. No overshoes. And that's one enormous fucking saddle bag. The tools you mention could easily tuck into the bottom of the impostors jersey pocket and no one would be the wiser - and that bike wouldn't have a growth on it!