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La Vie Velominatus: The Toolkit

Minimalist toolkit: lightweight and compact, it fits into the center pocket.

Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take in their selection; it has taken the better part of 30 years for my toolkit to evolve to the point where it is today: a minimalist set of highly reliable tools, each carefully selected for its function, form, and weight.

In addition to the endless cycle of tools that have come in and out of the kit, their locations have changed over the years. I’ve spread them across all three pockets, careful to distribute the weight evenly. I’ve put the heaviest items in the center pocket and kept the lighter ones in the side pockets. I’ve put all the weight in the side pockets and kept the center pocket free for stuffing with other items. I’ve ridden with minipump, with CO2, with minipump and C02. I’ve strapped the pump to my seatpost (we can’t all be genius all the time). I’ve carried two multi-tools, I’ve carried loose allen keys. I’ve carried chain tools. I’ve carried multi-tools with integrated chain tools. Suffice to say, nearly every conceivable permutation has been tried.

Before I go on, I want to make a point very clear: here we are wandering deep into Velominatus territory. Every item has been selected for a function, but that function is presupposed by the notion that our bicycles are meticulously cared for and we do not expect to make major roadside repairs. Punctures, silencing a creak or rattle, making a minor shifting adjustment, straightening a handlebar, or tweaking a saddle are the types of repairs within the scope of what may be expected mid-ride. Broken chains, snapped cables, broken spokes, handlebars, or saddles are failures that are to be preempted before departure and if they happen during a ride, one is expected to limp home or find alternative means of transportation. If going on a longer ride with no bail-out, one is to adjust their kit accordingly to account for self-reliance.

I also realize that I’ve now jinxed myself for tomorrow’s Cogal. (But I said it ironically, so I think I’m safe.)

The following considerations factor into my kit selection (in no particular order):

I used to carry two (or more) spare tubes, several Co2 canisters, and a mini pump. I’m not sure exactly how many punctures I was expecting to have during my rides, but I am sure I was prepared for them. That fact that I rarely flat never figured heavily in my planning.
Patch kits have gone from being big clunky things complete with a tube of glue that smelled alarmingly good when opened, to small things you’re more likely to lose than to notice you’re carrying it.
Minipumps have become very small and very light, while still providing enough pressure to get you home.
C02 chucks have gotten small and light, and are reasonably inexpensive.
C02 canisters are similarly inexpensive, and based on how frequently I use them, do not seem an unreasonable investment.
Loose allen keys are ungainly and can be lost; a screwdriver even more so.
Most of the critical bolts on a bicycle take either a 4mm or 5mm allen key; a screwdriver head is similarly critical as sometimes a derailleur stop needs to be changed. 3mm or 6mm keys are rarely required.
Tools are heavy, and the aggregate weight of the toolkit can be significant. Take care to find lightweight, compact tools (that still function well) and you can dramatically reduce the weight you carry with you.
Latex tubes are significantly lighter and more compact that standard tubes.
iPhones are wicked rad, but Steve Jobs was clearly not a cyclist. Those things weigh like tanks.

Nirvana is a state we cannot hope to reach, though La Vie Velominatus may carry us to its outer boundaries. That is where I feel I am today when it comes to my tool kit, the contents of which are the Lezyne V5 Multitool, Lezyne Trigger Drive, Lezyne Smark Kit, two Lezyne Alloy Levers, two 12g Co2 cartridges, my phone, cash, ID, and inhaler (like most Pros, I’m asthmatic). I organize my kit into separate small plastic bags, but do not store the lot in a Rule #31 Sack, like many of my esteemed peers. Instead, I opt to keep things stored separately in my center jersey pocket, such that I am able to pull items such as my phone or multitool out of my pocket (while riding) without needing to remove everything else with it.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

paolo says:

Feb 6 2012 at 12:10 pm

Ok. I am going to revisit this over the next two days that I am off. I will re-pack my shit, drop the EPMS and repeat to my self "it's not about looking pro it's about looking fabulous"
mcsqueak says:

Feb 6 2012 at 12:25 pm

@frank

Well, I learned a lot of interesting facts about the Dutch on Saturday, one such fact that they are an indecisive people. So what I was doing at the stop light was a Dutch Waffle. I'll try to make my wardrobe decisions in a more efficient, German fashion in the future.
frank says:

Feb 6 2012 at 12:28 pm

@mcsqueak

@frank
Well, I learned a lot of interesting facts about the Dutch on Saturday, one such fact that they are an indecisive people. So what I was doing at the stop light was a Dutch Waffle. I'll try to make my wardrobe decisions in a more efficient, German fashion in the future.

The guy who said the Dutch are indecisive must have been using a sample size of one; the Dutch are collectively the most decisive (and opinionated) people you'll ever meet.

What you did at the stop light was the Portland Patter.
The Oracle says:

Feb 6 2012 at 12:47 pm

@Calmante

I'm grateful that we don't use chest pockets any longer!

While the bicycles and riders are interesting in this picture, what is really fascinating is the motley collection of folk behind them.
actor1 says:

Feb 6 2012 at 12:48 pm

tried to ride w/ the man-purse under the saddle. kept getting a feeling of 'hey, that hurts' every time i turned the pedals. looked down between my thighs, yup, 2 big holes on both sides from the velcro tab that holds the under-seat bag in place. haven't used one since. necessity dictates that if i can't wear it, eat it, or use it to help get me home, it ain't going in my pockets. i carry a tube, mini-pump, small multi-tool, i.d., phone, & a $5. i'm all for mcgiver'ing something to get me home, but the VERY LAST RESORT will be to use that phone. i prefer to be sulf-sufficient, & feeling like i managed it w/out the sag wagon.
mcsqueak says:

Feb 6 2012 at 4:10 pm

@frank

the Dutch are collectively the most decisive (and opinionated) people you'll ever meet.

Well, I'm not sure about that, but I do have on good authority that they have the best dental work in Europe.
chiasticon says:

Feb 6 2012 at 6:09 pm

a few thoughts:
1 - i see a few of you are running lezyne pumps. i can't find a good comparison between the road drive and the pressure drive. i like the topeak racerocket hp; it's the first pump i found that'll get me up to 100psi without my arms snapping off, but it still takes about 350 strokes for a 700x23 tire (only 50 of which are semi-difficult). anyone wanna weigh in on if you can get to that pressure with road/pressure drive (or another?), with less pump strokes?

2 - i see all but a few of you carry levers. i'm surprised it's not a rule, in fact, to either not carry them or at least have a sufficiently difficult tire/rim combo to justify their need. you should know if you need 'em, and should certainly know how to remove a tire (in general) without 'em. the idea of Rule #31 is to make you think/organize/minimize your necessary gear, right? if you don't need 'em, leave 'em.

3 - i agree with frank about the lezyne v5 multitool: excellent tool, all you should need on a well-maintained bike, and light enough to forget about. seems it's named correctly for this crowd as well.
Dan_R says:

Feb 7 2012 at 7:31 am

@frank

@Clips and Straps

Carry the weight on the bike - not on you.
When dancing on the pedals uphill do you really want to be lifting that weight up and down every pedal rev ? So Anquetil put his bidon in his jersey pocket at the bottom of a hill. Just Jacque's way of unsettling his opponents. He carried out mind games all the time.
Also the damage you can do to yourself if you fall off and all those angular bits of metal get pushed into your soft body. Ouch ! You really will be suffering for your art.
Nothing wrong with a small under seat pack to carry your stuff.

If you're doing it right, dancing on the pedals allows the bike to move more than the rider. Always keep your upper body still: moving your torso is the worst thing you can do and its weight is negligibly added to by adding lightweight tools.
@chiasticon

i view use of EPMS vs jersey-packing the same way i do use of co2/pump; it just depends on what the ride/conditions dictate. certainly it's preferable to go sans-EPMS (the bike looks and feels better), but while trying to employ that approach, the one thing i absolutely DON'T want EVER is to look like this:

(ugh, it;s like a stuffed pita pocket.) so if i need the pockets for something other than the everyday ride essentials, i'll employ the EPMS. to at least distribute some of the weight/cargo.
similarly with co2, i prefer to go with whatever's lightest but also most appropriate for the ride. two co2 carts plus nozzle outweighs my topeak racerocket hp. so if i'll need at least two, the pump goes. but if it's a group ride and i want to hold everyone up as little as possible, i'll bring co2.
also, first post. hello!

Welcome! All good points, but that photo of overstuffed pockets is at least as bad as those of overstuff saddlebags swaying in the wind. But an overstuffed jersey like that is an awful thing. Bottom line: if the pockets are that full, you're carrying too much. We're not off to a picnic, we're out riding our bikes.

Christ on a stake! Your jersey should bulge like that ONLY if bringing up some bottles to the team! As for me, I leave the side pockets free to carry a few more bidons to the guy that might win. Know your role.
theChaz says:

Feb 7 2012 at 7:48 am

Frank, you old REPROBATE!

Great piece on the toolkit. Being recently returned to cycling and taking it WAY too seriously, I have spent many hours contemplating this very subject - especially what sort of multi-tool to use (I mean, do I REALLY need a chain breaker?). I hadn't considered a latex tube for a spare. Putting everything is zip-loc mini-baggies is a nice touch.

I was wondering just how to carry sufficient tools without having to rely on a under-saddle bag and know I know.

Thanx
Albert says:

Feb 7 2012 at 1:04 pm

@chiasticon

2 - i see all but a few of you carry levers. i'm surprised it's not a rule, in fact, to either not carry them or at least have a sufficiently difficult tire/rim combo to justify their need. you should know if you need 'em, and should certainly know how to remove a tire (in general) without 'em. the idea of Rule #31 is to make you think/organize/minimize your necessary gear, right? if you don't need 'em, leave 'em.

How do you change a tire without tire levers?

And, even if you can, isn't it quicker and worth the 5g weight penalty to just use tire levers?