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La Vie Velominatus: The Toolkit

Minimalist toolkit: lightweight and compact, it fits into the center pocket.

Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take in their selection; it has taken the better part of 30 years for my toolkit to evolve to the point where it is today: a minimalist set of highly reliable tools, each carefully selected for its function, form, and weight.

In addition to the endless cycle of tools that have come in and out of the kit, their locations have changed over the years. I’ve spread them across all three pockets, careful to distribute the weight evenly. I’ve put the heaviest items in the center pocket and kept the lighter ones in the side pockets. I’ve put all the weight in the side pockets and kept the center pocket free for stuffing with other items. I’ve ridden with minipump, with CO2, with minipump and C02. I’ve strapped the pump to my seatpost (we can’t all be genius all the time). I’ve carried two multi-tools, I’ve carried loose allen keys. I’ve carried chain tools. I’ve carried multi-tools with integrated chain tools. Suffice to say, nearly every conceivable permutation has been tried.

Before I go on, I want to make a point very clear: here we are wandering deep into Velominatus territory. Every item has been selected for a function, but that function is presupposed by the notion that our bicycles are meticulously cared for and we do not expect to make major roadside repairs. Punctures, silencing a creak or rattle, making a minor shifting adjustment, straightening a handlebar, or tweaking a saddle are the types of repairs within the scope of what may be expected mid-ride. Broken chains, snapped cables, broken spokes, handlebars, or saddles are failures that are to be preempted before departure and if they happen during a ride, one is expected to limp home or find alternative means of transportation. If going on a longer ride with no bail-out, one is to adjust their kit accordingly to account for self-reliance.

I also realize that I’ve now jinxed myself for tomorrow’s Cogal. (But I said it ironically, so I think I’m safe.)

The following considerations factor into my kit selection (in no particular order):

I used to carry two (or more) spare tubes, several Co2 canisters, and a mini pump. I’m not sure exactly how many punctures I was expecting to have during my rides, but I am sure I was prepared for them. That fact that I rarely flat never figured heavily in my planning.
Patch kits have gone from being big clunky things complete with a tube of glue that smelled alarmingly good when opened, to small things you’re more likely to lose than to notice you’re carrying it.
Minipumps have become very small and very light, while still providing enough pressure to get you home.
C02 chucks have gotten small and light, and are reasonably inexpensive.
C02 canisters are similarly inexpensive, and based on how frequently I use them, do not seem an unreasonable investment.
Loose allen keys are ungainly and can be lost; a screwdriver even more so.
Most of the critical bolts on a bicycle take either a 4mm or 5mm allen key; a screwdriver head is similarly critical as sometimes a derailleur stop needs to be changed. 3mm or 6mm keys are rarely required.
Tools are heavy, and the aggregate weight of the toolkit can be significant. Take care to find lightweight, compact tools (that still function well) and you can dramatically reduce the weight you carry with you.
Latex tubes are significantly lighter and more compact that standard tubes.
iPhones are wicked rad, but Steve Jobs was clearly not a cyclist. Those things weigh like tanks.

Nirvana is a state we cannot hope to reach, though La Vie Velominatus may carry us to its outer boundaries. That is where I feel I am today when it comes to my tool kit, the contents of which are the Lezyne V5 Multitool, Lezyne Trigger Drive, Lezyne Smark Kit, two Lezyne Alloy Levers, two 12g Co2 cartridges, my phone, cash, ID, and inhaler (like most Pros, I’m asthmatic). I organize my kit into separate small plastic bags, but do not store the lot in a Rule #31 Sack, like many of my esteemed peers. Instead, I opt to keep things stored separately in my center jersey pocket, such that I am able to pull items such as my phone or multitool out of my pocket (while riding) without needing to remove everything else with it.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

mcsqueak says:

Feb 3 2012 at 10:41 am

Dammit you guys, now I'm all paranoid. I carry a tube or two, levers, CO2+chuck, patch kit, and some pieces of duct dape folded on itself to act as a boot if needed.

But I don't carry extra pins or a chain break tool. Guess I'm off to the LBS during lunch to see what I can find...
Ron says:

Feb 3 2012 at 10:46 am

Woah, Frank...another tool upgrade? First it was the Shimano block, then the Rap6, now the V5. Hmm, I wonder if you felt you didn't need the Torx head OR if you liked the fact that the name is doubly more awesome than the 6.

What are the feelings on glueless patches? Something to limp home in an emergency & then pull off for a glued patch? Or, do the nice ones, like Lezyne actually stick? I have a nice little glueless kit but haven't used it. Have read lots of negative opinions on the glueless patches. And I've also read about using bits of old latex tubes as patches on other latex tubes. Hmm, wonder about that as well. Better than a patch?

Phones. Ha, it cracks me up how the funniest joke in the world all of five years ago was the Small Phone gag. Now everyone carries a brick. No thanks. I carry a teeny, tiny Nokia that is basic & awesome. No, I can't make a movie, overhaul my bank account or even take a photo with it. But, I can call the broom wagon piloted by the VMH:)

Oh, and I also carry my whole wallet on each ride. But, it's not a fat Costanza-esque thing, just a very slim Velcro wallet I've had since I was a teenager. It's awesome. A few id cards, a few credit cards, a bit of cash, probably 15mm thick. Never know when you'll want to check a book out from the library on the way home!

snoov - read about your chain break and didn't reply. I know everyone has an opinion on this, but a little trick I use is to carry a master link/power link/power lock that fits that chain (I use the same chains on my two main road bikes), taped to the inside of my tire lever. If I break a chain I'll just install the master link and limp home. Haven't had to do it, thankfully. Sorry to read about your mishap. This obviates the need for a chain tool or the insanity of trying to rejoin a chain roadside, with sweat or rain or snow in your eyes.
Marko says:

Feb 3 2012 at 10:51 am

@ZachOlson
Did you do the Arrowhead 135? Cool race. I sent in a card for the Almanzo 100 and will enter the drawing for the Heck of the North. A MN gravel cogal would rule.
eightzero says:

Feb 3 2012 at 11:01 am

I like having a phone that can snap a picture not only for the awesome pictures of rides, but because I have used it to snap the picture of the license plate (complete with GPS coordinates) of some sack of shit that assulted me. Got his pic too, and called 911. No, nothing ever came of it. I was told they'd "make a note of it" if he got pulled over. I told them I suspect he was drunk, and road raging. Specifically said "I don;t know if he has a gun. He might." Because it was true.

I also had an interesting thought about other shitte I carry on the ride. My fucking bike is loaded with fucking radios. An iPhone with bluetooth and GPS. A Garmin with not only a GPS receiver, but ANT+ sport. A cadence/speed sensor. A HR monitor. (No power meters. Yet. But only because Garmin/ Mertigear fucked it up.) And yes, I admit the rule breakage with an occasional use of BT headphones. So much for the simplicity of the bike.
Souleur says:

Feb 3 2012 at 11:03 am

nice....

Now I have to go to my LBS, who carries the goods and pick up the contraband V5
thanks for that
I pretty much have mine honed down to that list also, although mine are Park levers.
The Oracle says:

Feb 3 2012 at 11:08 am

@eightzero

I also had an interesting thought about other shitte I carry on the ride. My fucking bike is loaded with fucking radios. An iPhone with bluetooth and GPS. A Garmin with not only a GPS receiver, but ANT+ sport. A cadence/speed sensor. A HR monitor. (No power meters. Yet. But only because Garmin/ Mertigear fucked it up.) And yes, I admit the rule breakage with an occasional use of BT headphones. So much for the simplicity of the bike.

Geez. It's a wonder planes don't fall out of the sky when you ride by.
ZachOlson says:

Feb 3 2012 at 11:10 am

@Marko, I didn't do the race, but I'm planning on it for next year. Not sure if I'll ski it or bike it, though. Depends on if I can afford a fat bike. Or I might just enter the bike division with my cross bike and run it the whole way. Some serious V.
gaswepass says:

Feb 3 2012 at 11:14 am

I always carry a master link in my stuff after breaking a frame(!) this past summer which resulted in a broken chain, bent crank and chainring. If hadn't been for friend carrying masterlink woulda been a 10+ mile walk with some hilly terrain way out in bfe. weigh nothing, save everything and easy to use.
snoov says:

Feb 3 2012 at 11:15 am

@Ron
I carry a 9 speed and a 10 speed powerlink in case I or someone else on the road requires one. My question is, without a chain breaker how would it be possible to fit one?
936adl says:

Feb 3 2012 at 11:32 am

@frank

So, how do I fpgt the VVallpaper installed in my iPad?

Help!!!!!