La Vie Velominatus: The Toolkit
Even as a Pre-Cambrian Velominatus, the rusty wires in my brain must have made the connection between my machine’s aesthetics and the lack of a saddle bag; I can’t remember a time when I rode with a European Posterior Man Satchel. But riding without a saddle bag means the tools go in the pocket, and that means great care must be take in their selection; it has taken the better part of 30 years for my toolkit to evolve to the point where it is today: a minimalist set of highly reliable tools, each carefully selected for its function, form, and weight.
In addition to the endless cycle of tools that have come in and out of the kit, their locations have changed over the years. I’ve spread them across all three pockets, careful to distribute the weight evenly. I’ve put the heaviest items in the center pocket and kept the lighter ones in the side pockets. I’ve put all the weight in the side pockets and kept the center pocket free for stuffing with other items. I’ve ridden with minipump, with CO2, with minipump and C02. I’ve strapped the pump to my seatpost (we can’t all be genius all the time). I’ve carried two multi-tools, I’ve carried loose allen keys. I’ve carried chain tools. I’ve carried multi-tools with integrated chain tools. Suffice to say, nearly every conceivable permutation has been tried.
Before I go on, I want to make a point very clear: here we are wandering deep into Velominatus territory. Every item has been selected for a function, but that function is presupposed by the notion that our bicycles are meticulously cared for and we do not expect to make major roadside repairs. Punctures, silencing a creak or rattle, making a minor shifting adjustment, straightening a handlebar, or tweaking a saddle are the types of repairs within the scope of what may be expected mid-ride. Broken chains, snapped cables, broken spokes, handlebars, or saddles are failures that are to be preempted before departure and if they happen during a ride, one is expected to limp home or find alternative means of transportation. If going on a longer ride with no bail-out, one is to adjust their kit accordingly to account for self-reliance.
I also realize that I’ve now jinxed myself for tomorrow’s Cogal. (But I said it ironically, so I think I’m safe.)
The following considerations factor into my kit selection (in no particular order):
- I used to carry two (or more) spare tubes, several Co2 canisters, and a mini pump. I’m not sure exactly how many punctures I was expecting to have during my rides, but I am sure I was prepared for them. That fact that I rarely flat never figured heavily in my planning.
- Patch kits have gone from being big clunky things complete with a tube of glue that smelled alarmingly good when opened, to small things you’re more likely to lose than to notice you’re carrying it.
- Minipumps have become very small and very light, while still providing enough pressure to get you home.
- C02 chucks have gotten small and light, and are reasonably inexpensive.
- C02 canisters are similarly inexpensive, and based on how frequently I use them, do not seem an unreasonable investment.
- Loose allen keys are ungainly and can be lost; a screwdriver even more so.
- Most of the critical bolts on a bicycle take either a 4mm or 5mm allen key; a screwdriver head is similarly critical as sometimes a derailleur stop needs to be changed. 3mm or 6mm keys are rarely required.
- Tools are heavy, and the aggregate weight of the toolkit can be significant. Take care to find lightweight, compact tools (that still function well) and you can dramatically reduce the weight you carry with you.
- Latex tubes are significantly lighter and more compact that standard tubes.
- iPhones are wicked rad, but Steve Jobs was clearly not a cyclist. Those things weigh like tanks.
Nirvana is a state we cannot hope to reach, though La Vie Velominatus may carry us to its outer boundaries. That is where I feel I am today when it comes to my tool kit, the contents of which are the Lezyne V5 Multitool, Lezyne Trigger Drive, Lezyne Smark Kit, two Lezyne Alloy Levers, two 12g Co2 cartridges, my phone, cash, ID, and inhaler (like most Pros, I’m asthmatic). I organize my kit into separate small plastic bags, but do not store the lot in a Rule #31 Sack, like many of my esteemed peers. Instead, I opt to keep things stored separately in my center jersey pocket, such that I am able to pull items such as my phone or multitool out of my pocket (while riding) without needing to remove everything else with it.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Toolkit /”/]
It’s the Velominati Spring….rebellion is in the air.
So tell me clowns that are “dissenting” on Rule #31; How do you keep your shit dry in your EPMS in the rain? Pray tell you’re not using fenders. Nothing quite as fun as getting a wet tube into a wet tire with a flat. At least when the tubes dry, and the inside of the tire is mostly dry, the change goes fast. Which is important when it’s 3C and pouring rain out and your fingers don’t work. I quit using a ‘saddle bag’ in ’92. If you’re clever, you don’t really need to take much anyway; 3 pockets and I can get all my schizzle in one. Leaves me two for storage and gels etc.
To the “you don’t want to land on it during a crash” crowd, that should be the least of your worries. By the time the your helmet has cracked, and your collar bone has broken most of the force of impact is done. It’d be amazingly rare for you to land full force on the small of your back which is concave anyway. 22 years in ER/ OR, 20 years training/ racing never seen that injury.
Just my humble opinion of course.
@Buck Rogers
+1, Nipple Lube!
I have been enjoying the argie bargie but really do not care that much about the whole subject cause the only time any of this ever mattered to me was back in the day where 3 pockets did fine for races and training.
Now it is just old dog stuff and I do not like the look of anything except a tub and a Binda strap on the rails or just naked.
Whats in his pockets you Gollems ask? as little as possible and the only tool is a spoke wrench. And you may think this immature but I still think a banana is the best thing ever to bring on a ride.
I’m grateful that we don’t use chest pockets any longer!
@Calmante
Which one’s your old man (I’m guessing middle)?
@Calmante
Good god – please, some warning before you post stuff like that. I cannot unsee this now.
@Calmante
ah. white socks.
Here’s how my mate Josh rolls… the bidon cage-mounted-tool-tube, with mini-mini-pump
This is what he gets inside it…
All this seatbag talk got me to thinkin; I’m gonna strap the Conti tube bag under the saddle for a couple rides and see if I feel a difference on my back. I doubt it, I never notice any weight or flopping around, and haven’t had a freak back-first landing from a crash ever.
Ya gotta admit, as far as EPMS’s go, that’s pretty frikkin minimal.
Is that some sort of Flite replica with extra padding?!
The missed point beyond the aesthetics of abandoning an EPMS is that it makes you focus on what is really needed on a ride. You trim down and get to your comfort zone and then usually you find you don’t need the EPMS anymore.
Same process for the “stuff in my pockets moves” argument. You need a better fitting jersey. Stuff should “disappear” when put in your pockets. If it is swinging like Ron Jeremy, you need to revisit your sizing and quality choices.
@brett
Damn, that is the way to go, stick it in the bidon – Now I’ve got over my anxieties about running out of water (note sure I have yet cycled far enough into the desert to need two full bidons), I think I might shift to the bidon for keeping stuff – heaven knows I’ve seen enough folk doing it – I can also keep a couple of electroyte tabs in there to replenish the front bottle when it needs a refil
I wonder if Specialized do a kit bottle…(gotto remain co-ordinated)
Looked at my EPMS this morning, and to be fair, it does look like a young bulls prize assets, so will have to go
I think the main reason for not keeping the tool kit in the jersey, is it doesn’t need to be there, if that makes sense
@Mikael Liddy
He’s on the right.
Beside the white socks and chest pockets, there are some interesting equipment choices in this photo. Note the old-school bar-end shifters on the far left, the center-pull brakes on the outside bikes, and the very odd mirrored side-pull cantilever on the center bike.
@brett
Your mate’s setup does look class.
That looks like a first generation Max Flite?
Always go riding with someone else who insists on taking their entire tool kit, use those bike bitches for their purpose.
Sticking most of it in a bidon works for me. Not great in the height of summer but I its not something I need to worry about much as I live in England and anyway, clear piss is so over rated, the brighter the better.
@bigbailey
Thank you! I have always wondered what to call those special friends.
@Clips and Straps
If you’re doing it right, dancing on the pedals allows the bike to move more than the rider. Always keep your upper body still: moving your torso is the worst thing you can do and its weight is negligibly added to by adding lightweight tools.
@chiasticon
Welcome! All good points, but that photo of overstuffed pockets is at least as bad as those of overstuff saddlebags swaying in the wind. But an overstuffed jersey like that is an awful thing. Bottom line: if the pockets are that full, you’re carrying too much. We’re not off to a picnic, we’re out riding our bikes.
@Oli
@Calmante
It’s a ‘Flite 1990’, apparently a re-issue of the original.
@RedRanger
This.
@Blah
A PLUS FUCKING ONE.
@Calmante
Neither do I – that’s why we have a thread this long about toolkits!
@lifeaftergeorge
Welcome, and strong argument. Unfortunately you’re wrong.
There is always the misperception that The Rules are about Looking Pro when in fact the Rules governing these types of issues are about Looking Fantastic. Hopefully there’s a large intersection in the two sets, but they are independent sets. Have a look at the Pro bunch out training and you’ll see what I mean. We’re also not chucking a Rule up telling people to dress like a bandit.
As for your “photo” of Big George: It’s clearly an impostor. No overshoes. And that’s one enormous fucking saddle bag. The tools you mention could easily tuck into the bottom of the impostors jersey pocket and no one would be the wiser – and that bike wouldn’t have a growth on it!
@Blah
Espresso on the screen. +1 badge to you, my man!
@doubleR
All sins are punished in time. Next time you’re out riding the Man with the Hammer pays a visit, you’ll all know why.
@paolo
The fizik clipons will unclip. Beware.@scaler911
Amen, brother. Amen. Our ride saturday was 4-5 hours, big hills, big change in weather/temperature, kit going in and out of the pockets with food, no issue.
Always remember to fold your jackets and gilets flat and tuck them under the jersey. Much mo’ betta than in the pockets.
@scaler911, @Oli, @Blah, @Buck Rogers
For the record: no, we’re not agreed. Just because there are a handful of wingnuts admitting to fucking cheerleaders doesn’t make cheating on your wife OK!
And I’ll remind you again, this is not a fuckin’ democracy! Didn’t you hear? Democracy failed.
@frank
So… my lightning quick roll-n-stash of the jacket at that stop light didn’t impress you in the slightest? Need to up my game!
@Oli
Its the women’s version. It feels better on his mangina.
@Calmante
+1
@paolo
One ride pounding over a rough road is all it took for me to destroy my fizik clip on ballsack. Of course, this was back in the days when I was ignorant of Rule #33.
@mcsqueak
After watching you waffle about whether or not to do it, it went unnoticed. Sorry. The right way to do it is to just sit up, unzip, slip it off, fold it a few times until it’s about as wide as your three pockets and nice and flat, and slip it under the jersey, then grab the bars again and carry on.
All done while riding mid-bunch without deviating from your line and or altering your speed. In a phrase: Casually Deliberate.
@frank
I used to have a button that read “Coffee is God.”
@Albert
@David Millar
Looks like he’s not the only pro with scant regard for the rules. But I’m with the lanky Dutchman on this, doesn’t matter whether the pros do it or not, it still needs to look fantastic. And +1 to everyone who’s suggested working out what you actually use and if it includes a stack of tools then get your shit sorted before you ride.
Ok. I am going to revisit this over the next two days that I am off. I will re-pack my shit, drop the EPMS and repeat to my self “it’s not about looking pro it’s about looking fabulous”
@frank
Well, I learned a lot of interesting facts about the Dutch on Saturday, one such fact that they are an indecisive people. So what I was doing at the stop light was a Dutch Waffle. I’ll try to make my wardrobe decisions in a more efficient, German fashion in the future.
@mcsqueak
The guy who said the Dutch are indecisive must have been using a sample size of one; the Dutch are collectively the most decisive (and opinionated) people you’ll ever meet.
What you did at the stop light was the Portland Patter.
@Calmante
While the bicycles and riders are interesting in this picture, what is really fascinating is the motley collection of folk behind them.
tried to ride w/ the man-purse under the saddle. kept getting a feeling of ‘hey, that hurts’ every time i turned the pedals. looked down between my thighs, yup, 2 big holes on both sides from the velcro tab that holds the under-seat bag in place. haven’t used one since. necessity dictates that if i can’t wear it, eat it, or use it to help get me home, it ain’t going in my pockets. i carry a tube, mini-pump, small multi-tool, i.d., phone, & a $5. i’m all for mcgiver’ing something to get me home, but the VERY LAST RESORT will be to use that phone. i prefer to be sulf-sufficient, & feeling like i managed it w/out the sag wagon.
@frank
Well, I’m not sure about that, but I do have on good authority that they have the best dental work in Europe.
a few thoughts:
1 – i see a few of you are running lezyne pumps. i can’t find a good comparison between the road drive and the pressure drive. i like the topeak racerocket hp; it’s the first pump i found that’ll get me up to 100psi without my arms snapping off, but it still takes about 350 strokes for a 700×23 tire (only 50 of which are semi-difficult). anyone wanna weigh in on if you can get to that pressure with road/pressure drive (or another?), with less pump strokes?
2 – i see all but a few of you carry levers. i’m surprised it’s not a rule, in fact, to either not carry them or at least have a sufficiently difficult tire/rim combo to justify their need. you should know if you need ’em, and should certainly know how to remove a tire (in general) without ’em. the idea of Rule #31 is to make you think/organize/minimize your necessary gear, right? if you don’t need ’em, leave ’em.
3 – i agree with frank about the lezyne v5 multitool: excellent tool, all you should need on a well-maintained bike, and light enough to forget about. seems it’s named correctly for this crowd as well.
@frank
Christ on a stake! Your jersey should bulge like that ONLY if bringing up some bottles to the team! As for me, I leave the side pockets free to carry a few more bidons to the guy that might win. Know your role.
Frank, you old REPROBATE!
Great piece on the toolkit. Being recently returned to cycling and taking it WAY too seriously, I have spent many hours contemplating this very subject – especially what sort of multi-tool to use (I mean, do I REALLY need a chain breaker?). I hadn’t considered a latex tube for a spare. Putting everything is zip-loc mini-baggies is a nice touch.
I was wondering just how to carry sufficient tools without having to rely on a under-saddle bag and know I know.
Thanx
@chiasticon
How do you change a tire without tire levers?
And, even if you can, isn’t it quicker and worth the 5g weight penalty to just use tire levers?
Tomorrow I ride sans EPMS!! No need for a mini tool with chain breaker.I haven’t used it on the road in two years since I got my position dialed it. I’ve used the chainbreaker twice in 3 years and both times for someone else. No KMC quick link.
A tube. 2 co2’s and the little trigger thingy (not a lyzene one but it’s very small) lyzene patch kit and levers. Done.
@Albert
Agree 100%. Anyone who suggests less than two levers have obviously never tried removing a Conti from a Zipp rim.
@paolo
Now we’re talkin’!
My shiny new Lezyne levers arrive tomorrow!! I figure there has to be a way to fasten those bastards to the underside of my saddle firmly and without jingling around. Now for that really tiny pump and patch kit …
@frank
no i haven’t. like i said, it won’t work with every combo; and you should know your setup well enough to know if you need ’em. if you don’t, then don’t carry them. one should at least know how to remove a tire without them, i’d say (on rim/tire combos where it’s feasible).
@albert
there’s a few vids out there demonstrating it (bicycling.com did one). if nothing else, the vids may still help you loosen the tire up to make removal easier with levers. and it’s not about the weight or bulk, really; just not bringing things i don’t need. a gilet weighs nothing and is barely noticeable in your pocket, but i’m not taking one if i know i won’t need it.
@The Oracle
Exactly. It looks like a photo that might have the caption: “A group of cyclists has been arrested having inadvertently strayed across the Iranian border”.
@paolo
I did it!! Casually deliberate 70K in a fucking 40 to 50 k wind mostly. No EPMS, minimal tool kit. Best fitting jersey. I have at least half a dozen jerseys that need to be re thunk ( ie sold and replaced for shit that fits). I felt more pro, I did. First mate I saw said “hey you forgot your bag” ( he has a fizik clip on also)..”Nope I didn’t forget” and I explained The Word. My bike did look fucking fabulous, I was wrong , you lot were all right and I feel converted. No more EPMS. I have replaced the little Fizik logo in the saddle where the bag was as a sign of affermation!
Of course the feeling of looking Pro may have been enhanced by the maiden voyage of my white Sidi Ergo 3’s. Yes they cost a shit load of money, yes they felt like two little slices of heaven on my feet!
When this site is faster and I can be arsed I feel I should post pics of my conformed bike, me and my awesome shoes!
I ride with the following:
Phone, Inhaler, CO2, Tube, CO2 chuck, patch kit, drivers license, insurance card, multitool, levers, and car keys.
The Grey thing holds the levers, multitool, a spoke wrench, and the CO2 in a neat package, keeps them from moving around. Works well for me.
@King Clydesdale
Why are you carrying your keys? I just had another key made and I put it on a super lightweight fob so I don’t lose it.
On the other hand, I’ve now started carrying my insurance card. Great suggestion!
@paolo
Good man!!
From a few days back, but it does seem as if you would need a chain tool in certain situations, Oli. I always pictured it breaking in such a way as to leave two inners, thus requiring only hands & a master link to fix. Not so! Thanks for this!
Ahh, I love older Flite saddles but it’s good to know that I had better source the original old ones and not buy the reissues. That thing looks like a sofa!
Heavy site traffic? What’s this?! I don’t know if I can hang around anymore if this place becomes too cool;)
Oh, and the bidon-as-toolkit actually isn’t a terrible idea for the winter. I never carry two bottles, I have more clothing in my pockets due to the weather. Might be nice to have everything but vest/jacket in one.
And, I recently lost my beloved gilet! Ah! Cannot figure out where in the heck I lost it. I tuck mine under the jersey, as outlined, and the one I had on that day has the rubberized hem. I can’t imagine it could fall out and I wouldn’t notice. Wouldn’t the thing have gotten caught in my drivetrain? Very sad day, especially since it came not long after the Reverence article on gilets. Sadness. But, I was able to find the exact same one at the same price I paid four years ago. Nice!
TGIF everyone. Enjoy your weekend riding!
Boom. 200 comments. Toldja.