Aesthetics have always played a major role in my quest to become a better athlete. On the surface, this may seem a ridiculously vain assertion, but for me, the reality is that looking like a pro makes me feel like a pro, and when I feel like a pro, I’m motivated to ride like a pro. After all, the mind controls the body, and if the mind believes something, it can shove it right down your body’s throat. This phenomenon plays a big part of why I love riding in weather that merits knee warmers, cycling caps, and shoe covers; when my head drops down in a swoon of agony, the sight of my flahute-looking legs and feet, framed by the water dripping from the brim of my cycling cap helps me find the motivation to lift the pace a bit more.
Central to this quest of looking Pro is the ability to look good when you place objects on your head, like helmets or cycling caps*. It’s actually quite easy to look good in these things, provided you follow a simple set of guidelines, known as The Three-Point System. Many people simply plop a piece of head wear on their heads without regard for how it is positioned on their orb-like noggins, and with little appreciation of how entirely idiotic it might make them look. Seemingly innocent mistakes such as placing it askew or tilted backward being the most common breaches of good taste, the most egregious allowing hair to be visible between the forehead and said head wear.
The Three-Point system was devised out of necessity when I was in high school on the Nordic ski team. A ski hat being perhaps the most difficult hat to look good in, my fellow teammates would commonly pull theirs down over their head to cover their ears, and would happily go about their business completely unaware that they looked as though they had an unfortunate encounter with a large woolen and overripe fruit. Through an iterative process of counseling and advising them on what adjustments to make to position the hat correctly, I stumbled upon this standardization which seems to almost universally yield Awesome results.
There are three main contact points on the head that contribute to looking fantastic while wearing something fundamentally ugly on your head: the eyebrows, the tips of the ears, and the nape of the neck. (In this case, the nape is referred to as the point where the skull meets the neck, not the hairline.)
Point 1: The Eyebrows. Your forehead is your enemy when it comes to looking cool in hats or helmets. You know who rides around with a big swath of exposed frontal cranium? The guy in the YJA, riding in the Sit Up and Beg Position, that’s who. Keep this gap to a minimum at all times; helmets and backwards cycling caps should be worn close to the eyebrows and expose no more than a centimeter of forehead, as demonstrated by Der Kaiser and Il Priata. A forwards-facing cycling cap should have the lowest point of the brim intersect with the horizontal line connecting both eyebrows, as demonstrated by the late Franco Ballerini.
Point 2: The Ears. Consider the ears the pivot point of your head wear. Keep your shit level and close to the ears; helmets and caps are to be worn just above the ear, winter hats should cover just the tips of your ear.
Point 3: The Nape of the Neck. Under no circumstances – ever, no matter what – is any part of your head wear to wander down below this threshold. EVER. With modern helmets, the cranial locking mechanism should secure around this part of your melon; a cycling cap or ski hat should flirt with the upper reaches of this area.
As if you needed any further convincing, I leave you with some examples of the proper execution of the Three-Point system, along with some tragic failures.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Three Point System/”/]
*Obviously, this is only applicable within the parameters as laid out by Rule #22.
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I'm doing it so when I come off, (like I did on the velodrome sunday), I lose less skin and it's easier to clean and heals quicker and less likely to get infected. Oh and what S'Punk said...
After reading this article, I immediately realized why I look like Toad from Mario Bros. in my helmet. I went into the bathroom and tried my damnedest to get a smaller forehead gap, but it was to no avail. My current helmet just won't sit that way.
Fortunately, 2011 is going to be the year where I upgrade accessories like glasses, shoes, helmet, and saddle. They're all getting on 6 years old now, and the wear is showing. Now I know how to avoid the Toad Head. Thanks Frank!
@Collin
You could shave the eyebrows off and pencil some in higher up. Heck you could even use a sharpie.
@Collin
Am thinking that "Toad Head" has a reasonable case for inclusion in the Lexicon.
On the topic of winter hats I use a Solo cyclewear belgian style possum fur winter hat which is the dogs dangly bits - you can order them online here: http://www.solocc.com/product.cfm?cid=16&pid=41
It is much more comfortable than wool (feels lighter and less itchy) and warmer than a fleece skull cap. Some might dispute it but I think it looks Pro.
p.s. anyone know where to get some of those Brikos Pantani is wearing? - WANT.
@Kiwicyclist
That actually looks very good, although"”on principle"”I have to object to the notion that anything is better than wool.
Kiwicyclist - are you able to fit that hat under your helmet?
I just got four pairs of over-the-calf merino wool socks. I'm hoping to pair these with Roubaix knickers and completely avoid any full tights this winter, as I hate them.
Question - didn't the photos above used to have captions? I can't see them anymore and actually found a few of them funny enough that I wanted to show my Velominhottie. Can't see them anymore, neither on this page nor full screen.
Thanks, Steampunk. I've found a few of the Icebreaker hats. I have a nice Castelli skull cap that covers my ears (and it even has a longer back which covers my neck nape...big infraction!) so I might just opt for one of those small Icebreaker skull caps that won't cover much of my ears, if any of them.
Another question - do we have a compilation of Velominati bicycles? I know we have the feature articles and build-up projects, but it might be kind of awesome to have all the sweet bikes, which follow the Rules, in one place. Has this been discussed before?
Finally, is there a way we could have an email option/private message to contact other members? For example, I wanted to ask Steampunk about those caps. Rather than muddy up the thread I could contact him directly, if it was an option.
Just some thoughts. I don't make the Rules though...so maybe I need to see Rule 5 and shut up!
@ Nof - are you using those Sealskinz in cold weather or cold weather + rain/snow? I've had my eye on those but wonder if they'll make my hands damp/sweaty/cold when it is say 30*F and dry. My current gloves don't work that well below 35 for me.
@ Kiwi - yeah, I've always loved those Brikos. Saw some cross country skiers wearing them in the Olympics when I was younger and always wanted some since.
@Ron
Shit the bed, that's the second time the captions disappeared. Bugger. I'll add them again.
As for your other ideas; the bikes concept has been kicked around and is waiting only for us to get around to programming that bit up. As for the direct messaging, that's a fantastic idea. We'll look into it!