Aesthetics have always played a major role in my quest to become a better athlete. On the surface, this may seem a ridiculously vain assertion, but for me, the reality is that looking like a pro makes me feel like a pro, and when I feel like a pro, I’m motivated to ride like a pro. After all, the mind controls the body, and if the mind believes something, it can shove it right down your body’s throat. This phenomenon plays a big part of why I love riding in weather that merits knee warmers, cycling caps, and shoe covers; when my head drops down in a swoon of agony, the sight of my flahute-looking legs and feet, framed by the water dripping from the brim of my cycling cap helps me find the motivation to lift the pace a bit more.
Central to this quest of looking Pro is the ability to look good when you place objects on your head, like helmets or cycling caps*. It’s actually quite easy to look good in these things, provided you follow a simple set of guidelines, known as The Three-Point System. Many people simply plop a piece of head wear on their heads without regard for how it is positioned on their orb-like noggins, and with little appreciation of how entirely idiotic it might make them look. Seemingly innocent mistakes such as placing it askew or tilted backward being the most common breaches of good taste, the most egregious allowing hair to be visible between the forehead and said head wear.
The Three-Point system was devised out of necessity when I was in high school on the Nordic ski team. A ski hat being perhaps the most difficult hat to look good in, my fellow teammates would commonly pull theirs down over their head to cover their ears, and would happily go about their business completely unaware that they looked as though they had an unfortunate encounter with a large woolen and overripe fruit. Through an iterative process of counseling and advising them on what adjustments to make to position the hat correctly, I stumbled upon this standardization which seems to almost universally yield Awesome results.
There are three main contact points on the head that contribute to looking fantastic while wearing something fundamentally ugly on your head: the eyebrows, the tips of the ears, and the nape of the neck. (In this case, the nape is referred to as the point where the skull meets the neck, not the hairline.)
Point 1: The Eyebrows. Your forehead is your enemy when it comes to looking cool in hats or helmets. You know who rides around with a big swath of exposed frontal cranium? The guy in the YJA, riding in the Sit Up and Beg Position, that’s who. Keep this gap to a minimum at all times; helmets and backwards cycling caps should be worn close to the eyebrows and expose no more than a centimeter of forehead, as demonstrated by Der Kaiser and Il Priata. A forwards-facing cycling cap should have the lowest point of the brim intersect with the horizontal line connecting both eyebrows, as demonstrated by the late Franco Ballerini.
Point 2: The Ears. Consider the ears the pivot point of your head wear. Keep your shit level and close to the ears; helmets and caps are to be worn just above the ear, winter hats should cover just the tips of your ear.
Point 3: The Nape of the Neck. Under no circumstances – ever, no matter what – is any part of your head wear to wander down below this threshold. EVER. With modern helmets, the cranial locking mechanism should secure around this part of your melon; a cycling cap or ski hat should flirt with the upper reaches of this area.
As if you needed any further convincing, I leave you with some examples of the proper execution of the Three-Point system, along with some tragic failures.
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*Obviously, this is only applicable within the parameters as laid out by Rule #22.
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A worthy corollary of the old and true adage: the clothes make the man.
I have a gigantic skull. Comically large, like the twenty-eight years expired remainder of a cruel joke played on my (permanently tentative to sit) mother.
This has helped immensely.
while the article has focused on road sartorialism, feel good, look good, go good, also applies to the track. albeit this dictum didn't work so well for queen victoria this past weekend; she still, at the very least, looked good.
Thankfully I already adhere to the Three Point System. Still, I appreciate the nice essay and (mostly) bad ass photos.
A few comments:
- I know it sounds crazy, but I kind of like those jerseys that Fignon is wearing. Ugly? Yes. But there is something great about a jersey made to look like overall bibs. "I've got work to do on this here bike!" Was this jersey the original tuxedo t-shirt? Hmm...
- For those of us in places that get colder than the Pacific NW, what about riding in 25*F temps. How do we follow the rules while wearing a skull cap that covers are ears? Ears exposed at these temps test the brass of even the heartiest hardmen.
- And finally, if you are so passionate about this three point system, what are your feelings on the current trend of d-bags who wear oversized, fitted baseball hats, don't bend the brim and, worst of all, tuck their ears in? I always do a double take when I see these people, at first assuming they just got off the short bus, but no, they are walking around proud, sporting this look.
Pantani was born with a condition that rendered him only able to meet one of the contact point rules in summer caps but unable to meet it with winter hats - namely his ears were so fucking enormous (first nickname Elephantino) that no cap or beanie could fit over them. Summer compliance/ winter non-compliance.
So in an admirable effort to avoid this uncomfortable paradox, Marco surgically altered himself to make rule compliance attainable at all times.
Oh how I loved him.
+++++
I don't even try to BS people when they ask why I shave my legs. I say it's psychological. It makes me look, feel, and race, like a racer. The same goes for the kit - I pretty much won't wear anything but a complete matching kit anymore. The only exception is the Assos bibs with my Pink Floyd Wish Your Were Here jersey. But I even went all anal on that - one sleeve is white and one is black so I took a white Under Armour long sleeve shirt and dyed one sleeve black so when I wear the PF jersey in cool weather it looks completely pimp. Also, seeing as I spent a stint in an organization whose members are known for being the most squared away mother fuckers in the world - the United States Marine Corps - I obviously know how to wear head gear properly.
Great article. Perfectly timed, after that ugly excursion (for which I feel in no small part responsible) into the realms of (alleged) physics at the expense of aesthetics. A compelling case for Rule Holism.
But, I have to ask, what ON EARTH is Basso wearing? While I want to believe that the blue fluffy thing behind him is not a pom-pom attached to his "hat", the "hat" alone is so grotesque that I cannot be sure. Presumably he donned this at the conclusion of the season, when it was no longer necessary for him to perform and he wanted his body to go into recovery mode as soon as possible. (Or was the photo taken pre-ban, when other performance-enhancing methods rendered immaterial the adverse effects of the "hat"?)
@Cyclops
Hey, Happy Birthday to the USMC.
Not one myself, but I lived in Oceanside, CA for many years, know many jarheads, respect the shit out of the Corps.
Semper Fi!
+1 one on the legs and matching kit. I have some bitchin' jerseys that I only wear on the mtb cause I don't have matching bibs. I even try to match gloves and socks to kit whenever possible.
It FREAKIN' drives me crazy. Getting the proper curve on the bill of your fitted St. Louis Cardinals cap (all other caps are blemishes on humanity) is an art that seperates the men from the boys.
@Cyclops
A++1. I have utilised three different explanations for my leg-shaving:
Initially - "to make road rash easier to deal with". Possibly untrue generally, definitely untrue in my case.
And then - "did it once to see what it was like, and am now stuck with it as I hate the feeling of stubble". Partially true, but not really the primary motivation.
Finally - "tribal affiliation". Largely true - and it is liberating to admit it. If you feel it, you are more likely to be it (or, at least, get as close to it as a middle aged chap with other demands on his time can manage). [Not much assistance with the "But you look like a dick, Mate" riposte. But that's what tribal affiliation is for ...]