Categories: FolkloreLook ProNostalgiaTechniqueThe HardmenTradition

Look Pro: The Hunchbacks of Notre V

The flat back position is perhaps the greatest lie ever told in sport, provided you ignore any of the racing we’ve seen in the last decade or two.

It is possible, I suppose, that when we talk about a flat back, what we really mean is that on an elementary level, all curves are really just a series of straight segments connected at an angle; while a rider’s back may look arched, it really is flat in an existential sense.

Because no one really rides with a flat back. Even riders who famously rode with a flat back, like Greg LeMond, actually rode with only the upper portion of their backs flat. In fact, the only rider I can think of who was as happy as a Texan in an Amgen factory while riding with a truly flat back was The Gypsy himself. It bears mentioning, however, that a search through the Velominati Archives shows only intermittent evidence of him riding with a truly flat back.

If you’ve ever tried to get your back completely flat, you’ll have noticed that it feels awful. Your shoulders tense up, your hips roll forward. It certainly doesn’t do your bits any favors. As you try to accelerate, your shoulders and hips tense up even more in an effort to keep the back as flat as possible.

There is a very simple explanation for this: The V abhors a straight line; it requires smooth curves in order to flow freely from the various V-Receptacles spread throughout your body and into the guns where it is processed and converted into Monumental Devastation.

As you pursue the V-Locus, keep the following points in mind:

The key to a Magnificent Stroke is to find a tension-neutral position on the bike.
Let your hips find their natural position. It will likely be somewhat vertical, causing your lower back to arch.
Tension is the enemy. Relax your shoulders, elbows, hips, and neck. Even relax your fingers if you find them trying to strangle the bars.
Like a Jedi uses the Force, let the power of The V flow from your arms through your lower back and hips, and down into the cannons.
The harder you are hammering and the closer you are to achieving nuclear V-ission, the more important it becomes to keep your back and shoulders relaxed; you are wasting precious energy on staying tense. Use that energy to fire the the guns instead.

And yes, Cycling is hell for your posture. If that’s what you’re after, take up yoga.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Flat Backs/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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The Grande Fondue says:

Dec 3 2012 at 8:20 pm

I've read "Slaying the Badger" (where I thought Le Blaireau came out looking much better than I expected - I suspect the author was too scared to write anything bad) and I've read Fingon's "We were Young and Carefree", but I'd love to read a book just about Hinault. All the little hints I read make his exploits seem more and more amazing. There is a video of him finishing 3rd on Champs-Ã‰lysÃ©es in the yellow jersey - I was impressed with that until I discovered he actually won the final stage in '79 and '82.

Is there a book in English about Hinault?
Marcus says:

Dec 3 2012 at 9:00 pm

@brett

@Marcus

@Marko

"If I look at this stick long enough, maybe I will avoid making eye contact with that creepy fucking bike shop guy taking photos of me again. Cant remember his name but he keeps telling me that we are friends and commenting on my flat back."

Good theory, except I didn't take the photo.

Guess you just picked up the photo from some other loser dweeb you met on the internet through your mutual love of cycling.

oh wait a minute...
1km2go says:

Dec 3 2012 at 9:07 pm

https://www.google.com/search?q=Andrea+Tafi&hl=en&client=safari&tbo=d&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=1IS9UPmzH6Pc2AXAvYHIDA&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ&biw=320&bih=416#i=14
pistard says:

Dec 3 2012 at 10:37 pm

So, I can stop studying my position in shop window reflections? Might cut down on the crashes.
SimonH says:

Dec 4 2012 at 1:10 am

@Giles

@Marcus ditto. Do we go to the same studio? I was about to make the same comment, both the instructors I have are pretty damn hot. I've been doing Pilates for over a year now, the benefits to a 40+ who spends and hour or two on the bike and 8 hours at a desk most of the week, have been obvious (I've dropped the bars, raised the saddle because I can and it's now more comfortable).

Also an advocate for Pilates. I started in February and have found it has helped me heaps, far better than any gym work has ever done.

Since I started I have dropped 2cm of spacers from under my eight degree stem and flipped it down. My saddle has come up a touch , maybe a cm, and I find that I am much more comfortable riding for four hours plus (always rides of 100k and more) and spend most of my time in the drops, only changing to the tops / hoods when climbing or chewing my stem.

Being 6'3" tall I have suffered with back pain since teenage, two serious car accidents have also not helped either. I don't even so much as get a twinge anymore. I find that I sit upright all the time, don't slouch and feel this helps me greatly on the bike. Rather than feel like my arms are supporting my bodyweight on the bike it is my mid section / core mostly fulfilling that role.

I think it is the increased flexibilty in my hamstrings / quads that has brought on this change rather than increased spine flexibilty but it all helps.

I will soon be dragging my knuckles on the floor.
the Engine says:

Dec 4 2012 at 1:18 am

@Oli

@the Engine Sorry, you're wrong. He won the French road champs in June 1978, rode the 1978 Tour wearing the jersey then someone else won the 1979 Championships in June of '79, presumably wearing the tricolor into the 1979 Tour.

Actually according to your own site the picture's from the 1978 Grand Prix des Nations.

The "Hitch Hiker's Guide" says: "To prepare for the 1978 Tour de France, Hinault rode his first grand tour, the Vuelta a EspaÃ±a. He won and felt ready for his first Tour de France. Before the Tour, he won the national championship, which allowed him to wear the tricolour. This tour became a battle with Joop Zoetemelk, Hinault taking the yellow jersey after the final time trial. He was hailed as the next great French cyclist and won the Tour again in 1979"

Dang.
Deakus says:

Dec 4 2012 at 1:23 am

Jaques Anquetil was regarded as having one of the flatest backs and most perfect pedalling styles ever. The addition of downwarded pointing toes was also then copied by many for a long time...

Strangely though with two prolapsed discs and 4 dehydrated ones and years of back pain, road cycling has actually "fixed" my back! I used to wake very sore every day of the year and take about an hour to warm up, my back would "go" at least twice a year necessitating 3 weeks or so on crutches............start cycling again....pain free, back never slips any more...go figure? I put it down to strengthen the core which I guess is why Pilates and Yoga feature so heavily in this type of conversation. The issues with my back cannot be "fixed" it is just the muscles and ligaments around the injuries have strenthened to compensate.

I ride with a beautifully curved back...but I put this down to the necessity to deploy diaphramtic breathing techniques! (cue emoticon) ;)
Josh says:

Dec 4 2012 at 1:30 am

The second paragraph of this post had me in hysterics.

Fucking hell.
minion says:

Dec 4 2012 at 2:50 am

@Marcus

@strathlubnaig

agree

@frank

@Marko
Whilst I shouldnt be one to throw stones when it comes to cautioning on offensive comments, c'mon, go easy on the priest/kiddy calls - you can do better (but I cant). Why not just say, "as happy as Minion and Marcus at a sheep shearing and sharing convention".

Or "As happy as Minion and Marcus at Foxy Boxing when it's guest's night and you get to smash each other wearing women's lingerie"
Oli says:

Dec 4 2012 at 4:10 am

@the Engine Haha, does it? Thought I'd seen that picture before!

(Note I never claimed this specific picture was from the '78 Tour, just that he wore the Tricolor in the Tour that year and not in the '79 one.)