Categories: FolkloreLook ProNostalgiaTechniqueThe HardmenTradition

Look Pro: The Hunchbacks of Notre V

The flat back position is perhaps the greatest lie ever told in sport, provided you ignore any of the racing we’ve seen in the last decade or two.

It is possible, I suppose, that when we talk about a flat back, what we really mean is that on an elementary level, all curves are really just a series of straight segments connected at an angle; while a rider’s back may look arched, it really is flat in an existential sense.

Because no one really rides with a flat back. Even riders who famously rode with a flat back, like Greg LeMond, actually rode with only the upper portion of their backs flat. In fact, the only rider I can think of who was as happy as a Texan in an Amgen factory while riding with a truly flat back was The Gypsy himself. It bears mentioning, however, that a search through the Velominati Archives shows only intermittent evidence of him riding with a truly flat back.

If you’ve ever tried to get your back completely flat, you’ll have noticed that it feels awful. Your shoulders tense up, your hips roll forward. It certainly doesn’t do your bits any favors. As you try to accelerate, your shoulders and hips tense up even more in an effort to keep the back as flat as possible.

There is a very simple explanation for this: The V abhors a straight line; it requires smooth curves in order to flow freely from the various V-Receptacles spread throughout your body and into the guns where it is processed and converted into Monumental Devastation.

As you pursue the V-Locus, keep the following points in mind:

The key to a Magnificent Stroke is to find a tension-neutral position on the bike.
Let your hips find their natural position. It will likely be somewhat vertical, causing your lower back to arch.
Tension is the enemy. Relax your shoulders, elbows, hips, and neck. Even relax your fingers if you find them trying to strangle the bars.
Like a Jedi uses the Force, let the power of The V flow from your arms through your lower back and hips, and down into the cannons.
The harder you are hammering and the closer you are to achieving nuclear V-ission, the more important it becomes to keep your back and shoulders relaxed; you are wasting precious energy on staying tense. Use that energy to fire the the guns instead.

And yes, Cycling is hell for your posture. If that’s what you’re after, take up yoga.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Flat Backs/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

G'rilla says:

Dec 4 2012 at 7:10 am

@Marcus I'm tentatively scheduled to be in Melbourne around February 20-22. Looking forward to it!
Ron says:

Dec 4 2012 at 8:41 am

Woah, just noticed LeMan's bars in photo #6. What's going on with those? They have a seriously long and pronounced curve to the drop section.

Also, not again yoga and I know it would be great for me. I just have trouble being so calm for that long. And, there are plenty of other things I could do to help myself out. I've traveled to Vietnam and most mornings you can find flocks of older women in the local park just kind of dancing and moving to a boombox. Kind of like freestyle meets Tai Chi. Just doing that - moving, swinging my arms, etc. helps, since I tend to either do heavy exercise (cycling or soccer) or be totally sedentary. Just getting up from my desk throughout the day to move and swing about helps. Jumping rope is even better.

Maybe one day soon I'll find the inner peace to commit to yoga...
Ron says:

Dec 4 2012 at 8:43 am

Oh, and every time we get onto such topics and old bike photos come up...I thank my lucky stars that I have an older steel bike. They just get me far, far more jazzed up than modern carbon. And, I get to feel some sort of connection to the history of an awesome sport that I'm still relatively new to!
alexei says:

Dec 4 2012 at 9:21 am

Pozzato and Ballan both are pretty close to table flat in this pic from the 2012 Ronde. Not that it helped them any in the finale.
Chris says:

Dec 4 2012 at 9:42 am

@alexei They're just trying to keep low to avoid being scalped by some lanky Dutchman waving a big flag.
Marko says:

Dec 4 2012 at 9:44 am

@Chris

@alexei They're just trying to keep low to avoid being scalped by some lanky Dutchman waving a big flag.

What a glorious damn day that was.
unversio says:

Dec 4 2012 at 10:03 am

@Marko One shot that day (slideshow) running across a field together gave the impression of the Beatles Abbey Road (photo) with extra members.
Chris says:

Dec 4 2012 at 10:09 am

@Marko

@Chris

@alexei They're just trying to keep low to avoid being scalped by some lanky Dutchman waving a big flag.

What a glorious damn day that was.

Indeed it was. Happy days.
Marko says:

Dec 4 2012 at 10:17 am

@unversio

@Marko One shot that day (slideshow) running across a field together gave the impression of the Beatles Abbey Road (photo) with extra members.

That was the following Sunday during Roubaix. Good shot though as well and fun times. 5 minutes later we met Van Summie's VMH.
Dan_R says:

Dec 4 2012 at 10:43 am

Flat backs, great photos, VMH yoga! (I can watch yoga all day...)

Superb article, and great comments so far. Especially now that I am commenting...