Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate

Chiapucci, Big Mig, some dude, Riis, and Bugno: class is in session.

A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit fast.

A Pedalwan will be quick to seek emulation of this characteristic, and in the spirit of Rule #3, it is our duty to impart upon you the five tenets of the Casually Deliberate.

First, it is crucial that under no circumstances do you permit yourself to smile. If you are about to win the Tour de France for the first time, it is acceptable to momentarily smirk but expect to be met with raised eyebrows by your peers should you allow this to occur. Also don’t scowl because no one likes a crabby pants.
Casual people are cool people, and cool people wear shades. If it worked for Axl Rose, it can work for you. Also, sunglasses are handy for covering up any redness in your eyes that you got from crying through the end of Playing for Keeps.
Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation, a crucial element to being Casually Deliberate. This effect is heightened the faster you are going. When passing a slower rider, ensure you accelerate to a speed at least 10% faster and pass them while riding on the tops or hoods with elbows locked. They will have no choice but to be super impressed by the sound of your Awesome.
Being Casually Deliberate means this isn’t your first rodeo. Whether laying it down in a corner, flatting out of the lead group, or crossing the line with no one else in the photo, act like you’ve been there before.
If you have crashed and are bleeding, this is the perfect time to pretend like you hardly noticed. Especially if there are cute members of the opposite sex around. Save poking at your wound and whimpering for the privacy of a remote bathroom devoid of any surveillance equipment.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:04 am

@G'rilla

@frank I believe that's already a neighborhood in Memphis.

Oh, I believe that's near Clousta Twatt, near the intersection of Gropecunt and Sluts Hole Lanes.
frank says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:06 am

@PeakInTwoYears

(That said, the Presbyterian girls I knew in HS were a) hawt, b) ready to go.)

Just imagine what you could have done if you were tall enough to reach them.

@HMBSteve

@frank - excellent stuff. The current culture of spiking the ball and dancing in the end zone is the opposite of these hardmen of cycling. The me culture is downright gross. One of my former coaches definitely came form the college of deliberately casual knowledge - "don't act like you have never been there before".

Exactly.

@Mark_p

Some dude.....Casually Deliberate.....

Father of Cedric Pineau

Excellent work!!
frank says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:10 am

@Pedale.Forchetta

Nairo Quintana in 'commander mode'.

He really impressed me on that slope, I think this is a good example.

Top work, as usual. I am so jealous of your life, not to mention your skill with a camera.

@Rom

@The Pressure

Apologies Frank. I find it difficult to remain Casually Deliberate whilst sporting morning wood!

I think this is covered in point 3: Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation.

depends on your "limb" definition

I just had to replace my phone after leaving it in the rain, now I'm looking down the business end of replacing my laptop too. The "Genius" at the Genius bar was skeptical that the water got under the screen "just by being in my pocket during a rain storm.

I doubt he's going to buy my story about the espresso that just wound up inside my screen while sitting in my laptop case. Thanks for that.
EricW says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:11 am

@Mike_P

@EricW

If I pass another rider on a long climb, I find that a casual swig from the bidon while gently resting the other hand's fingertips on the flat looks especially pro (and works well to hide my labored breathing).

Conversely there's nothing I enjoy more as I go carving down a long descent, than giving a sideways glance and slight smirk to someone who's passed me on a long climb while taking a casual swig from their bidon.

Oh believe you me, I am no grimpeur. Hence I have to fake the funk to look CD on the way up.

@Ron

Shades. I wear something over my eyes on every ride, that is one thing I don't understand how dudes in the past rode without.

I don't wear slim shades with a cap on but I violate Rule 36 on occasion to go with the cap + Wayfarers in true hipster fashion.
frank says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:19 am

@Pedale.Forchetta

@frank Gianni Bugno in the far right is/was the less photogenic cyclist ever even if he was one of the coolest. A very odd combination...

Not photogenic? NOT PHOTOGENIC? What is this madness?

I bought these same green-lensed BollÃ©'s just to look like him.

More exhibits for consideration.

[dmalbum: path="/velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/readers/frank/2013.11.05.10.10.14/2//"/]

He was my favorite of the era, with Cappuccino (as LeMond called him) my second favorite. He was so smooth on the bike; so smooth, actually, that I always wondered if it was a bit forced, like maybe if he let his body move just a bit more he would have gone faster.
ped says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:23 am

"Some dude" appears to have Morning Wood in the lead photo
frank says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:35 am

@Pedale.Forchetta

Bring back the hairnet!
wiscot says:

Nov 5 2013 at 10:44 am

@frank I thought Clousta Twatt was where the members of Congress met?

Personally, I've always been a fan of Scunthorpe.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Nov 5 2013 at 11:22 am

@frank

Oh, you big bully!
unversio says:

Nov 5 2013 at 11:28 am

Big Mig (not Mig Mig) is rockin the Bill Dance look.