Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate

Chiapucci, Big Mig, some dude, Riis, and Bugno: class is in session.

A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit fast.

A Pedalwan will be quick to seek emulation of this characteristic, and in the spirit of Rule #3, it is our duty to impart upon you the five tenets of the Casually Deliberate.

First, it is crucial that under no circumstances do you permit yourself to smile. If you are about to win the Tour de France for the first time, it is acceptable to momentarily smirk but expect to be met with raised eyebrows by your peers should you allow this to occur. Also don’t scowl because no one likes a crabby pants.
Casual people are cool people, and cool people wear shades. If it worked for Axl Rose, it can work for you. Also, sunglasses are handy for covering up any redness in your eyes that you got from crying through the end of Playing for Keeps.
Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation, a crucial element to being Casually Deliberate. This effect is heightened the faster you are going. When passing a slower rider, ensure you accelerate to a speed at least 10% faster and pass them while riding on the tops or hoods with elbows locked. They will have no choice but to be super impressed by the sound of your Awesome.
Being Casually Deliberate means this isn’t your first rodeo. Whether laying it down in a corner, flatting out of the lead group, or crossing the line with no one else in the photo, act like you’ve been there before.
If you have crashed and are bleeding, this is the perfect time to pretend like you hardly noticed. Especially if there are cute members of the opposite sex around. Save poking at your wound and whimpering for the privacy of a remote bathroom devoid of any surveillance equipment.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

TBONE says:

Nov 4 2013 at 3:59 pm

Jacques concurs, but only just.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Nov 4 2013 at 4:05 pm

Fantastic. This is cycling's equivalent of the Renaissance courtier's pursuit of what we, with hopelessly-mistaken irony, call "acting natural." This is grace, which can only be the effect of long practice, discipline, self-awareness, and a sense of good taste.
Nate says:

Nov 4 2013 at 4:11 pm

Hey, I read the article!
Mikael Liddy says:

Nov 4 2013 at 4:17 pm

There are no words to describe just how much cool is contained in that photo...
The Pressure says:

Nov 4 2013 at 4:44 pm

I usually can't stand the spell checkers but " poking my wood in a remote bathroom" LMFAO!
frank says:

Nov 4 2013 at 4:53 pm

@The Pressure

I usually can't stand the spell checkers but " poking my wood in a remote bathroom" LMFAO!

That was a good one, wasn't it. I almost left it there after discovering the error because it was just so rock solid.

When I started the requisite band in college, my intention was to name it "Mourning Would".
G'rilla says:

Nov 4 2013 at 4:57 pm

@frank I believe that's already a neighborhood in Memphis.
RManneck says:

Nov 4 2013 at 5:08 pm

^ Brilliant!!!
The Pressure says:

Nov 4 2013 at 5:23 pm

@G'rilla

@frank I believe that's already a neighborhood in Memphis.

Must not let good wood go to waste...
DerHoggz says:

Nov 4 2013 at 5:24 pm

What about disguising the pain cave with a smile? It can be quite unnerving when others are following you into the pain cave. What about the Quintana "My face remains emotionless whether I am being dropped or doing the dropping" method?