Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate

Chiapucci, Big Mig, some dude, Riis, and Bugno: class is in session.

A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit fast.

A Pedalwan will be quick to seek emulation of this characteristic, and in the spirit of Rule #3, it is our duty to impart upon you the five tenets of the Casually Deliberate.

First, it is crucial that under no circumstances do you permit yourself to smile. If you are about to win the Tour de France for the first time, it is acceptable to momentarily smirk but expect to be met with raised eyebrows by your peers should you allow this to occur. Also don’t scowl because no one likes a crabby pants.
Casual people are cool people, and cool people wear shades. If it worked for Axl Rose, it can work for you. Also, sunglasses are handy for covering up any redness in your eyes that you got from crying through the end of Playing for Keeps.
Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation, a crucial element to being Casually Deliberate. This effect is heightened the faster you are going. When passing a slower rider, ensure you accelerate to a speed at least 10% faster and pass them while riding on the tops or hoods with elbows locked. They will have no choice but to be super impressed by the sound of your Awesome.
Being Casually Deliberate means this isn’t your first rodeo. Whether laying it down in a corner, flatting out of the lead group, or crossing the line with no one else in the photo, act like you’ve been there before.
If you have crashed and are bleeding, this is the perfect time to pretend like you hardly noticed. Especially if there are cute members of the opposite sex around. Save poking at your wound and whimpering for the privacy of a remote bathroom devoid of any surveillance equipment.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

PeakInTwoYears says:

Nov 5 2013 at 11:49 am

@frank

A good opportunity for a song lyric quiz. Get the reference, no Google, and I'll buy you a pint next opportunity.*

"I made a big impression for a boy of my size."

*Being Dutch is actually not an excuse to cheat for a free pint.
Ron says:

Nov 5 2013 at 12:50 pm

@ped

"Some dude" appears to have Morning Wood in the lead photo

If we're going to head into the deep end this early in the Northern Hemisphere off-season...there is an entire site of photos dedicated to tracking such things in the PRO peloton.

This is going to be embarrassing if no one else has seen this insanity. And, if so, I'll blame it on a pal who emailed it to me. I still can't figure out if it is a dude or a gal who runs it.

And also, screw hi-viz or YJA kit, I just gotta get some Riis's kit for winter riding!
Ron says:

Nov 5 2013 at 12:55 pm

Bugno's current hair - natural or a little Just for Men that he imported? Obviously Italian men are too vain to allow it to be stocked domestically.

Frank, what happens when a Genius encounters someone who actually knows something about computers? The Apple Store is a really fucked up place, at least for me.
Pedale.Forchetta says:

Nov 5 2013 at 1:07 pm

@frank I've never loved a rider as I loved him, just Michele Bartoli was a bit close to him. Then I've never been a 'tifoso' anymore.
scaler911 says:

Nov 5 2013 at 1:11 pm

@frank

@scaler911

@mhoffinator

Passing carbon whilst riding steel, especially up a big hill, always brings a hint of a smile to my face, but merely a hint. One should never gloat "” just crush some dreams momentarily and move ahead.

I have this "trick" that I was taught by my HS cross country coach (who was good friends with Steve Prefontaine's coach Bill Bowerman): control your breathing, control your expression. With all the zen you can muster (and this takes practice), chat up the guy next to you. Even if you can't actually drop his ass, just appearing comfortable is incredibly demoralizing. Especially effective going uphill, or during a breakaway. I've used it to great effect over the years.

Covered in items 4 and 5 in the original Casually Deliberate article. You can really learn how to time the breathing with the story. Also, if you're the one doing the talking, you can emphasize how well you're doing by timing your questions in the easier bits and force the other rider to respond on the steep bits.

Its not a good time to start monologuing, though.

What's funny about that "technique" is one of my long time teammates (and friend), figured out that I was doing it. So since we both use the same Garmin, he'll unsnap his HRM, roll up next to me and see what MY heart rate is, then give me a ton of shit about it.
frank says:

Nov 5 2013 at 1:24 pm

@Pedale.Forchetta

Would you please set this little punk @Ron straight about our boy Bugno and his awesome hair? I'm afraid what I might do to him, asking questions like that.

Bartoli was another who just oozed class and style. He inspired me to start experimenting with low bars! I owe him finding comfort on the bike!
frank says:

Nov 5 2013 at 1:27 pm

@PeakInTwoYears

@frank

A good opportunity for a song lyric quiz. Get the reference, no Google, and I'll buy you a pint next opportunity.*

"I made a big impression for a boy of my size."

*Being Dutch is actually not an excuse to cheat for a free pint.

No clue, but when I googled it I got this. This is on you, my friend. Its all on you.
Al__S says:

Nov 5 2013 at 1:27 pm

@Mike_P

"Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation".. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you 2013"²s antithesis to Casually Deliberate....

Sorry for lowering the tone.

I saw or heard a description, can't remember where, of his style as being "like a spider making love to a light bulb".

Meanwhile Quintana looks like he's riding a bike with 750c wheels. Good style, but he's dwarfed by his steed!
wiscot says:

Nov 5 2013 at 1:48 pm

Double entendres about wood, Muppet and Incredibles clips, Christina Aguilera videos. Christ, it's going to be a very long off season. How long till the Tour Down Under? Please tell me it's next week.
Mike_P says:

Nov 5 2013 at 2:23 pm

@Al__S

Meanwhile Quintana looks like he's riding a bike with 750c wheels. Good style, but he's dwarfed by his steed!

Don't get me wrong (many do). My comment on Quintana was tongue in cheek. @pedale.forcheta's beautiful photo just catches him at a camera angle that plays tricks with us. Quintana oozes aVVesome.