Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate

Chiapucci, Big Mig, some dude, Riis, and Bugno: class is in session.

A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit fast.

A Pedalwan will be quick to seek emulation of this characteristic, and in the spirit of Rule #3, it is our duty to impart upon you the five tenets of the Casually Deliberate.

First, it is crucial that under no circumstances do you permit yourself to smile. If you are about to win the Tour de France for the first time, it is acceptable to momentarily smirk but expect to be met with raised eyebrows by your peers should you allow this to occur. Also don’t scowl because no one likes a crabby pants.
Casual people are cool people, and cool people wear shades. If it worked for Axl Rose, it can work for you. Also, sunglasses are handy for covering up any redness in your eyes that you got from crying through the end of Playing for Keeps.
Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation, a crucial element to being Casually Deliberate. This effect is heightened the faster you are going. When passing a slower rider, ensure you accelerate to a speed at least 10% faster and pass them while riding on the tops or hoods with elbows locked. They will have no choice but to be super impressed by the sound of your Awesome.
Being Casually Deliberate means this isn’t your first rodeo. Whether laying it down in a corner, flatting out of the lead group, or crossing the line with no one else in the photo, act like you’ve been there before.
If you have crashed and are bleeding, this is the perfect time to pretend like you hardly noticed. Especially if there are cute members of the opposite sex around. Save poking at your wound and whimpering for the privacy of a remote bathroom devoid of any surveillance equipment.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Gianni says:

Nov 5 2013 at 7:30 pm

@scaler911

What, you never heard of Ambien?

Damn it man. My body is a temple! A temple I pour espresso and and pale ale into on a regular basis. I need to start abusing some Ambien or Xanax for these long flights. Trouble is I'm too tall for those seats, massive skull unsupported, drugs might only make it worse. Lethal neck crimp.
anthony says:

Nov 5 2013 at 8:05 pm

How the hell am I supposed to look casually deliberate when I can't find a f'ing jersey that fits me. maybe thats part of it? if your that good you don't give shit.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Nov 5 2013 at 9:39 pm

@Marcus

@PeakInTwoYears

@DerHoggz Marine mammals live in the moment. (They told me.) So that makes sense.

They say that now - and a minute later the two-faced fuckers say something completely different.

Exactly.

I know I'm not supposed to talk about paddling, but last week while paddling I got mobbed by the fuckers, like several dozens of them, almost two miles off shore. Are they harmless, curious, friendly denizens of Mother Nature, or are they unpredictable 200-pound sons of bitches that might gather into a fucking mob and like to see me swimming in 45-degree water two miles from shore? I really didn't know.
Marcus says:

Nov 6 2013 at 12:52 am

@PeakInTwoYears

You are allowed to talk about paddling - as long as it's a surf ski. Down here there is definitely a hierarchlife the only world class paddlers we have are from surf lifesaving. Wave ski riders ("goat boats") are generally despised (eventhough I do own one) and kayakers are just weird
Pedale.Forchetta says:

Nov 6 2013 at 1:36 am

When he was young... and me too!
Pedale.Forchetta says:

Nov 6 2013 at 1:45 am

@Ron Bugno hair are like the nose of Coppi or Bartali, something that you do not have to speak, ever. (joking)
Ron says:

Nov 6 2013 at 3:20 am

@frank

@Pedale.Forchetta

Would you please set this little punk @Ron straight about our boy Bugno and his awesome hair? I'm afraid what I might do to him, asking questions like that.

Bartoli was another who just oozed class and style. He inspired me to start experimenting with low bars! I owe him finding comfort on the bike!

Is it possible to decide which was more awesome, the Colnagos or the Mapei kit? Or, was the combination what really sent it all into orbit.

Is that a Concor saddle Bartoli was refusing to sit on? Really sharp Carrera there.

I shall never speak of Bugno's hair again, Pedale & Frank. I do wonder though what it has done to the PRO peloton now that they can just slap a helmet on and don't have to worry about pre-race hair stylin'. I guess with all that free time they can articulate the brim of their baseball caps...
wiscot says:

Nov 6 2013 at 5:28 am

@Pedale.Forchetta

When he was young... and me too!

Awesome pic! Never let an opportunity to show the Atala kit on these pages pass by! (to all the Atala haters out there: yeah, yeah, yeah, chain gang/prison uniform, blah, blah, blah. Still one of the greatest kits of all time).

Side notes: look how close the level of his bars and saddle are - almost even. Compare to Bartoli. Look how little seat post is showing relative to the length of the head tube. If you look at the pix Frank posted above you'll see he went to a much smaller frame in the 90s.That decade saw a radical change in bike geometry and set up - smaller frames, compact geometry, huge height differential between saddle and bars. He's in the inner ring which still looks massive. He runs his toe straps through the back of he pedal plate - the way it should be. He's riding Ofmega - one of the crappiest gruppos ever made.

Discuss.
frank says:

Nov 6 2013 at 8:16 am

@wiscot

@Pedale.Forchetta

When he was young... and me too!

Awesome pic! Never let an opportunity to show the Atala kit on these pages pass by! (to all the Atala haters out there: yeah, yeah, yeah, chain gang/prison uniform, blah, blah, blah. Still one of the greatest kits of all time).

The board agrees.

Side notes: look how close the level of his bars and saddle are - almost even. Compare to Bartoli. Look how little seat post is showing relative to the length of the head tube. If you look at the pix Frank posted above you'll see he went to a much smaller frame in the 90s.That decade saw a radical change in bike geometry and set up - smaller frames, compact geometry, huge height differential between saddle and bars. He's in the inner ring which still looks massive. He runs his toe straps through the back of he pedal plate - the way it should be. He's riding Ofmega - one of the crappiest gruppos ever made.

Awesome analysis. All this is well and good, and I've wondered about this as well regarding the photo of Merckx at the start of the TT in the TDF; check out the drop in the bars. Sure, the tops were about level, but the drop to the drops us huge. That would have allowed an enormous change in position between the different hand locations.

On my road bike, My hands are at about the same height between the hoods and tops. The drops are not that far below. I mounted a pair of Merck bend TTT bars on my steel, and the levers sit in a spot about halfway between the tops and drops.
Ron says:

Nov 6 2013 at 8:39 am

Interesting analysis of fit & bike set-up. Considering I've only been riding road bikes for a decade, always enjoy hearing from those of you who've been at it much longer.

Love that Bianchi, Frank! My stable wouldn't feel completely unless I had at least one steel road bike with a quill stem. I'm okay without DT shifters though, as I have spent my entire road life on integrated shifters.