Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate

Chiapucci, Big Mig, some dude, Riis, and Bugno: class is in session.

A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit fast.

A Pedalwan will be quick to seek emulation of this characteristic, and in the spirit of Rule #3, it is our duty to impart upon you the five tenets of the Casually Deliberate.

First, it is crucial that under no circumstances do you permit yourself to smile. If you are about to win the Tour de France for the first time, it is acceptable to momentarily smirk but expect to be met with raised eyebrows by your peers should you allow this to occur. Also don’t scowl because no one likes a crabby pants.
Casual people are cool people, and cool people wear shades. If it worked for Axl Rose, it can work for you. Also, sunglasses are handy for covering up any redness in your eyes that you got from crying through the end of Playing for Keeps.
Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation, a crucial element to being Casually Deliberate. This effect is heightened the faster you are going. When passing a slower rider, ensure you accelerate to a speed at least 10% faster and pass them while riding on the tops or hoods with elbows locked. They will have no choice but to be super impressed by the sound of your Awesome.
Being Casually Deliberate means this isn’t your first rodeo. Whether laying it down in a corner, flatting out of the lead group, or crossing the line with no one else in the photo, act like you’ve been there before.
If you have crashed and are bleeding, this is the perfect time to pretend like you hardly noticed. Especially if there are cute members of the opposite sex around. Save poking at your wound and whimpering for the privacy of a remote bathroom devoid of any surveillance equipment.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

atomicmanatee says:

Nov 6 2013 at 9:21 am

Gents, I find all of this "off season" discussion from yesterday to be highly disturbing. Might I suggest tights, wool, and judicious application of rules V and 9? Unless, of course, you live somewhere with permafrost. In that case might i suggest dog sledding as a more appropriate hobby?
Gianni says:

Nov 6 2013 at 9:51 am

@wiscot

@Pedale.Forchetta

When he was young... and me too!

Awesome pic! Never let an opportunity to show the Atala kit on these pages pass by! (to all the Atala haters out there: yeah, yeah, yeah, chain gang/prison uniform, blah, blah, blah. Still one of the greatest kits of all time).

Side notes: look how close the level of his bars and saddle are - almost even. Compare to Bartoli. Look how little seat post is showing relative to the length of the head tube. If you look at the pix Frank posted above you'll see he went to a much smaller frame in the 90s.That decade saw a radical change in bike geometry and set up - smaller frames, compact geometry, huge height differential between saddle and bars. He's in the inner ring which still looks massive. He runs his toe straps through the back of he pedal plate - the way it should be. He's riding Ofmega - one of the crappiest gruppos ever made.

Discuss.

You are so spot on. No need to debate here. No one was showing any seatpost back then. And young Bugno is wearing Marressi shoes, shoes so nice they made using toe-clips almost pleasurable.
The Grande Fondue says:

Nov 7 2013 at 5:07 pm

Do we let Faboo off for that slightly open-mouthed grimace? He looks pretty casual otherwise, and it is Sagan chewing bartape behind him. Not sure the Europcar guy is, but he looks "super impressed by the sound of Faboo's Awesome"

I think Vos does a pretty good casual deliberate, except for the "don't smile when you win" thing. It's hard to find pics, though - most seem to show her waving a flag, crossing a finish line.
frank says:

Nov 7 2013 at 5:28 pm

@The Grande Fondue

Do we let Faboo off for that slightly open-mouthed grimace? He looks pretty casual otherwise, and it is Sagan chewing bartape behind him. Not sure the Europcar guy is, but he looks "super impressed by the sound of Faboo's Awesome"

Fabs is adhering to Point V on the original CashDel article. And yes, Damien is WAY impressed by the sound of Faboo's Awesome. Aren't we all though? I would give becoming a switch-hitter serious thought if I found out Fabian had a crush on me.

I think Vos does a pretty good casual deliberate, except for the "don't smile when you win" thing. It's hard to find pics, though - most seem to show her waving a flag, crossing a finish line.

I think going phantom aero on a fucking MOUNTAIN BIKE scores plenty high on the Casually Deliberate scale to allow for a few smiles when crushing the souls of your competitors.

Par example:

Before.

After.

But as pertains to her proclivity to wearing white bibs. You might look like this before the race:

You're still gonna look like this after the race:

(Top marks, though, for cleaning the legs and not sweating the kit.)
The Pressure says:

Nov 7 2013 at 5:40 pm

Now THIS is casually deliberate!! What hair!
PeakInTwoYears says:

Nov 7 2013 at 9:11 pm

In retirement, though, does anybody look better than Bugno?

As one ages, the question becomes more pertinent.
Mikael Liddy says:

Nov 7 2013 at 9:44 pm

@PeakInTwoYears I don't know, have a look at the two guys flanking Lemond here. They're in pretty good shape.
Markp says:

Nov 7 2013 at 9:56 pm

@Frank - Some Dude @ about 3min mark sharing birthday spoils with Big Mig prior to the days stage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYEkTtODKa4
Chris says:

Nov 8 2013 at 4:38 am

Way too much smiling here to be Casually Deliberate but this photo made me laugh.
wiscot says:

Nov 8 2013 at 5:30 am

@frank

@The Grande Fondue

Do we let Faboo');" class="comment-link">Faboo off for that slightly open-mouthed grimace? He looks pretty casual otherwise, and it is Sagan chewing bartape behind him. Not sure the Europcar guy is, but he looks "super impressed by the sound of Faboo');" class="comment-link">Faboo's Awesome"

Fabs is adhering to Point V on the original CashDel article. And yes, Damien is WAY impressed by the sound of Faboo's Awesome. Aren't we all though? I would give becoming a switch-hitter serious thought if I found out Fabian had a crush on me.

I think Vos does a pretty good casual deliberate, except for the "don't smile when you win" thing. It's hard to find pics, though - most seem to show her waving a flag, crossing a finish line.

I think going phantom aero on a fucking MOUNTAIN BIKE scores plenty high on the Casually Deliberate scale to allow for a few smiles when crushing the souls of your competitors.

Par example:

Before.

After.

But as pertains to her proclivity to wearing white bibs. You might look like this before the race:

You're still gonna look like this after the race:

(Top marks, though, for cleaning the legs and not sweating the kit.)

Sorry, going to have to repost these pics. That last one of Ms Vos is truly one o the greatest cycling pictures I've ever seen. My admiration for her knows no bounds . Where does the "no smile" talk come from? I read an interview where she said that even if she finishes 2nd or 3rd (a rare occurrence, admittedly) she smiles on the podium to show respect to the winner and not seem like a sore loser. That's class. Also, the fact that as a world champ, she is sponging herself down with one foot in a bucket speaks volumes for her humble nature. And I think she's wiping down with her socks by the looks of things. Sigh . . .