Categories: EtiquetteMusings from the V-BunkerRiding UglyTradition

Musings from the Darkness

The machine that cuts a path through the darkness.

Reality is always an unpleasant surprise; no one wants to see ourselves the way others see us, and that’s for good reason, too: depression would be much more widespread problem if each of us realized what a pain in the ass we are. Speaking of unpleasant realities, after recently reviewing videos of myself speaking, I have deduced that I have the face for radio, the hand gesticulations for both Mime and Cheerleading (neither for which I have an ambition), and the voice for print. That leaves me with the Internet.

A long commute to work in darkness is a surreal experience. The early hour leaves the road vacant, and the rider is confined to the small cone of light beyond which exists only blackness. The mind settles into the vampire state of wandering a being alert all at once. Thoughts of the day’s work will lay somewhere on the periphery; not front of mind, yet inexorably nearer with every stroke of the pedals. The rain and cold amplify the effect.

Strange thoughts are thought in this state, not unlike those you might have just as you catch yourself falling asleep. The first paragraph of this article is a fine example of such a thought. For this, I ask your forgiveness.

The commute presents its own challenge, new obstacles to overcome. The wet winter commute sandwiches the workday like two soggy slices of bread. One finds very quickly that it is not the cold, the dark or the wet that is unpleasant; it is the sodden kit hanging in a locker all day not getting fresher that is unpleasant.

This morning looked dry from the bedroom window, a terrible place from which to judge the weather. Rain was in the forecast (this is Seattle and January, after all), so I slipped into my Gabba jersey as easily as James Bond slips into a dinner jacket. I stepped outside and noted that it would be nice if the weather stayed dry for the ride in so the kit might be more pleasant when dressing for the evening’s ride home.

I should know better than to think such thoughts; the rain was summoned immediately by the Nine Gods to remind me that the Glory of Rule #9 is not chosen at the rider’s convenience or whim. Fool.

Riding with a backpack is a nuisance. As Velominati, we have refined our position and learned to control the bike through micro-movements and immeasurable shifts of body weight. The gear-loaded backpack is a sledgehammer to our china cup of balance. Our position feels off, the bike handles differently, and we are heavier by two kilos at least. This, along with every other reason you can think of why backpacks suck, is more than enough to encourage one to avoid the climbs, especially the steep ones.

But there is a beauty behind the nuisance: climbing with a heavy load is like training in a fat suit. Seek out the hardest climbs and the next time you ride without a pack, you will feel as though you were given wings. Instant morale.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Owen says:

Jan 24 2015 at 3:56 pm

As a nod to being a roadie, I did flop the stem. Have to have some standards.
markpa says:

Jan 24 2015 at 4:36 pm

@Teocalli

The other advantage of commuting to work is the "two jacket trick". You have to leave a work jacket at work so you leave that over the back of your chair and the unknowing assume that you work late/early as you always have your jacket over your chair when they arrive/leave. You do need to alternate jackets every so often though to keep the ruse going.

I doubt you even need to change the suit jacket
http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/karl-stefanovics-sexism-suit-test-on-today-a-show-of-support-says-lisa-wilkinson-20141117-11o43e.html
frank says:

Jan 24 2015 at 5:04 pm

@markb

Hmm, my commute is never lonely, I don't think the roads of London are ever quiet, but there is difference in the dark. As you state, we are confined to the small cone of road ahead - is that puddle hiding a pot-hole, will that plastic bag get wrapped in the rear mech and is that stupid fucking driver that's just overtaken me with inches to spare going to suddenly turn left?

It is a scary world where you can physically observe the child driving the car that passes you with one hand on the wheel, one one the phone doing whatever it is that is more urgent than driving.

@EricW

Love this. I have a 25 mile commute in, in the mornings, and 12 on the route home. I have exactly the same feelings - eyes alert, the gentle whoosh of wind around the backpack, the quiet roads. Solitude at 20 miles an hour is way underrated

It's a beautiful way to start and end the day for sure; especially when you use compliant measurement units.
frank says:

Jan 24 2015 at 5:08 pm

@Teocalli

For about a year I was at an office where I could commute to work by bike. I used to really look forward to getting up in the morning and going to the office. Now I have to commute round the M25 and I hate getting up in the morning and going to the office. The work is the same.

Nothing says "productive member of society" like sitting in traffic. Also, there are few sensations more satisfying than rolling by a long queue of stopped cars in the rain.

@Magilla

Have been off the bike for the last 10 months and have just evoked the rule of N+1 for a CX ride. Yesterday was the first of many to come early morning commutes for the 25 miles on trails to the work, sans backpack. At least in my months off the bike I've had the presence of mind to kit up the office with a locker and all the necessities to allow a ride in, quick shower and change, grab a coffee and walk straight into the morning meetings.

And I'll thank you not to mention my fat suit again.

The office locker room is a necessity. That said I am envious of having a commute that merits the cx bike. Crossbone!
Dave says:

Jan 24 2015 at 5:08 pm

@Teocalli

Not meant in a negative way, just a mildly humorous comment on how flexible anyone would have to be for that set up - way more than me, that's for sure. Now that I am in my mid-sixties, the bar keeps creeping a little higher every year.

I've been reading posts on this blog for something like a couple years now, but I never posted a comment. I must admit, you have some pretty good writers in your group.
frank says:

Jan 24 2015 at 5:12 pm

@Teocalli

The other advantage of commuting to work is the "two jacket trick". You have to leave a work jacket at work so you leave that over the back of your chair and the unknowing assume that you work late/early as you always have your jacket over your chair when they arrive/leave. You do need to alternate jackets every so often though to keep the ruse going.

It's genius.

@Chris

+1
frank says:

Jan 24 2015 at 5:20 pm

@davidlhill, @Teocalli

Solid gold right the there. If I had the foresight to allow more than one +1 badge it would be on the bof o' youse.

@Dave

Never mind the weather, look at that bike. The saddle is up in the clouds and the bars are slammed down as far as possible. You are either 21 years old or a danged contortionist, but probably both. even the pros have less vertical distance between saddle and bars.

Ah, the return of Carnac the Magnificent of Internet Bike Fitting! This is my favorite Velominati game; post up a picture of my bike and wait for it.
Teocalli says:

Jan 24 2015 at 5:27 pm

@Dave

@Teocalli

Not meant in a negative way, just a mildly humorous comment on how flexible anyone would have to be for that set up - way more than me, that's for sure. Now that I am in my mid-sixties, the bar keeps creeping a little higher every year.

I've been reading posts on this blog for something like a couple years now, but I never posted a comment. I must admit, you have some pretty good writers in your group.

No negativity taken, any excuse for a small pop at @frank is usually jumped on with glee.

Welcome by the way.
Ccos says:

Jan 24 2015 at 6:24 pm

This backpack thing just may have wings. I had this idiot idea as a kid to strap weights all over myself to become really strong (to be a super hero after all). It didn't quite pan out (nor did those X-ray glasses I ordered from the comic book ads), so I've had to settle for a more mundane job. It doesn't afford me the opportunity to commute by bike unfortunately, so I have to turn to those moments on the bike to be the super hero (compared to the great unwashed, obese masses, otherwise known as voters in the next election).
markpa says:

Jan 24 2015 at 7:54 pm

Had older office where the bike room had some large air conditioning gear in it, made it a bit nosiy but I don't think the bikes cared and you could always dry your gear out before the ride home.
Moved to newer offices and now the bikes share with waste bins and there's nowhere to dry gear.
So much for progress.