Categories: EtiquetteMusings from the V-BunkerRiding UglyTradition

Musings from the Darkness

The machine that cuts a path through the darkness.

Reality is always an unpleasant surprise; no one wants to see ourselves the way others see us, and that’s for good reason, too: depression would be much more widespread problem if each of us realized what a pain in the ass we are. Speaking of unpleasant realities, after recently reviewing videos of myself speaking, I have deduced that I have the face for radio, the hand gesticulations for both Mime and Cheerleading (neither for which I have an ambition), and the voice for print. That leaves me with the Internet.

A long commute to work in darkness is a surreal experience. The early hour leaves the road vacant, and the rider is confined to the small cone of light beyond which exists only blackness. The mind settles into the vampire state of wandering a being alert all at once. Thoughts of the day’s work will lay somewhere on the periphery; not front of mind, yet inexorably nearer with every stroke of the pedals. The rain and cold amplify the effect.

Strange thoughts are thought in this state, not unlike those you might have just as you catch yourself falling asleep. The first paragraph of this article is a fine example of such a thought. For this, I ask your forgiveness.

The commute presents its own challenge, new obstacles to overcome. The wet winter commute sandwiches the workday like two soggy slices of bread. One finds very quickly that it is not the cold, the dark or the wet that is unpleasant; it is the sodden kit hanging in a locker all day not getting fresher that is unpleasant.

This morning looked dry from the bedroom window, a terrible place from which to judge the weather. Rain was in the forecast (this is Seattle and January, after all), so I slipped into my Gabba jersey as easily as James Bond slips into a dinner jacket. I stepped outside and noted that it would be nice if the weather stayed dry for the ride in so the kit might be more pleasant when dressing for the evening’s ride home.

I should know better than to think such thoughts; the rain was summoned immediately by the Nine Gods to remind me that the Glory of Rule #9 is not chosen at the rider’s convenience or whim. Fool.

Riding with a backpack is a nuisance. As Velominati, we have refined our position and learned to control the bike through micro-movements and immeasurable shifts of body weight. The gear-loaded backpack is a sledgehammer to our china cup of balance. Our position feels off, the bike handles differently, and we are heavier by two kilos at least. This, along with every other reason you can think of why backpacks suck, is more than enough to encourage one to avoid the climbs, especially the steep ones.

But there is a beauty behind the nuisance: climbing with a heavy load is like training in a fat suit. Seek out the hardest climbs and the next time you ride without a pack, you will feel as though you were given wings. Instant morale.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Jan 25 2015 at 10:35 am

@markpa

Had older office where the bike room had some large air conditioning gear in it, made it a bit nosiy but I don't think the bikes cared and you could always dry your gear out before the ride home.
Moved to newer offices and now the bikes share with waste bins and there's nowhere to dry gear.
So much for progress.

I leave the bike in my office. Its a good talking point for anyone who comes in, and then I get to gaze at it adoringly while on conference calls.

@markb

@frank

Nothing says "productive member of society" like sitting in traffic. Also, there are few sensations more satisfying than rolling by a long queue of stopped cars in the rain.

Agreed. I've figured out that I can do any journey (over a couple of Km) in London at any time of day quicker by bike than by car & that included a 30km journey @ 5am on a Sunday morning. BTW, if my work expect me to start work at such a stupid time then they can damm well put up with me wearing my cycling kit to dry it out. PCs are also good for drying out wet overshoes & if you're really lucky you can get it to short out so you can go home early. (CRTs were the best for drying out kit, but these new-fangled flat screens are crap)

One of the disappointments of the advancement of technology is that none of this stuff generates any heat. My MBP would be virtually worthless when it comes to drying anything out.
frank says:

Jan 25 2015 at 10:40 am

@Grimpeur

although I don't know exactly what it is I do know that it makes the winter commute more difficult, and therefore more noble.

I really like that. Nice.

@Chris

@frank

@davidlhill, @Teocalli

Solid gold right the there. If I had the foresight to allow more than one +1 badge it would be on the bof o' youse.

Frank's +1 badge skills are questionable at best, he might award one but handing it over is a different matter.

@frank

@Chris

+1

Saying +1 is not the same as awarding the badge. You need to do something extra special good.

@The Grande Fondue

I saw some electric shoe driers online somewhere. That seems a good idea.

I keep a pair of them at home to dry out my shoes overnight; I suppose I could pick up another to keep at the office...They work great.

WRT the backpack weight thing: I recently discovered research into transcranial magnetic stimulation (work ends up going in strange directions sometimes and yeah, this sounds like voodoo). It turns out you can improve cognitive performance by using magnets is very specific places, but also you can impede cognition with magnets in other places. However, there is some evidence that if you force yourself to do mentally hard tasks while your cognition is impeded then it improves performance after you remove the magnets. Basically they are backpacks for your brain!

I love this.
frank says:

Jan 25 2015 at 10:47 am

@Oli

@Dave

We've all had a crack at Frank about his set-up at some point or other. Obviously we were all wrong because it seems to work pretty well for him.

Is this the same Oli? If so, the lobotomy seems to have been a great success!

@antihero

@Owen

@Al__S

I have luxury. My commuter bike has mudguards and a rack (hey, it's a dedicated machine- might as well set it up properly) and at work as well as a shower there's a heated towel rail, ideal for kit drying. Keep the everyday luggage to a minimum, I can carry two week's worth of work clothes in the panniers... so I do.

I'm going to agree with you and disagree with Frank on this one. Form follows function for working machines. I just moved to WA for work and don't have a car for the first few months, and I doubt my office mate would appreciate used kit hanging out next to her desk all day. I went out and bought myself a Giant Escape "” 700Ã—32 tires, fenders, a rack, a bell, the works. It even has a triple for when I'm hauling groceries home in the panniers. Must weigh 30 pounds without any cargo.

Sure, it violates plenty of rules. But I look at it this way: I'd rather have a machine that fills a need than shoehorn a machine into a role for which it wasn't built. One thing is for sure, though, it will be better than any backpack or fat suit when I get back on the #1 come spring. I'll feel like Superman.

A bit of digging on velominati.com will reveal that @Frank has an around-town bike with mustache bars. Mustache bars. Meditate on that for a moment.

Not to mention a front basket.

Fenders? Check. (Fenders, despite common misconception to the contrary, are not in violation of the rules).

I can't understand why you would put guitars on your bike.
Al__S says:

Jan 25 2015 at 11:06 am

my club has a "full length rear mudguard/fender" rule for winter, due to the absolutely filthy state of the roads in these parts. In group riding, this isn't for your own protection, it's for the guy on your wheel...
Owen says:

Jan 25 2015 at 12:46 pm

@antihero

A bit of digging on velominati.com will reveal that @Frank has an around-town bike with mustache bars. Mustache bars. Meditate on that for a moment.

You don't say. Surely that's a sign of the apocalypse. And a basket to boot! My stars. Good to know that the Rules apply to road steeds and not working bikes. It does occur to me, however, that even on the commuters we should strive to look fantastic. As I said, we do need to have some standards.
neal says:

Jan 25 2015 at 4:09 pm

Wow. Some emotional stuff here. Sounds like a little side order of htfu might help. Chin up, buddy. It's been a warm winter.
frank says:

Jan 25 2015 at 4:51 pm

@neal

Yeah 60F and all sun today. I saw blossoms on a tree today and sprouts in the garden. Those little honkers are in for a rude surprise when the Mercury drops again!
PeakInTwoYears says:

Jan 25 2015 at 6:01 pm

@frank

@neal

Yeah 60F and all sun today. I saw blossoms on a tree today and sprouts in the garden.

That was the kind of weather NOAA forecast for us on the Oly Pen today.

Lying fucks.

But it was a damned sight (whatever the fuck a damned sight is) better than last weekend.
frank says:

Jan 25 2015 at 8:53 pm

@PeakInTwoYears

@frank

@neal

Yeah 60F and all sun today. I saw blossoms on a tree today and sprouts in the garden.

That was the kind of weather NOAA forecast for us on the Oly Pen today.

Lying fucks.

But it was a damned sight (whatever the fuck a damned sight is) better than last weekend.

Wull ah seen it herd a hunnerd times, to put it to you in Oly Pen terms. Also to play off the redneck thing the Brits were doing earlier.

if the forecast was wrong, you just need to move to the part of the state where they try harder to get it right.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Jan 25 2015 at 9:24 pm

It was a challenging day, aside from the weather, which wasn't completely awful in the end. We actually drove the bikes into town from the ranch so's we could trade some bullets for a bucket of chinking for the logs of our cabin, and then having concluded business over whiskey and a knife-fight, we come to find out that the Missus has brought her mountain bike shoes, which just don't seem to get along with the Speedplays on her road bike. Big change of plans. Ride from the ranch in the opposite direction, where one of us flatted every 15 kilo meeters on account of all the Satanic effluvient secreted on the side of the road. It all ended well, but it was a sore trial at times.