Back in the days of wool shorts and leather chamois, your brand new Italian shorts had a chamois as soft and buttery as the leather seat of a Ferrari. Yet after the first wash it was a crinkled stiff mess that needed a cream just to smooth it out enough to be rideable. The cream I was familiar with was akin to Bagbalm: a honey colored, thick translucent goo which had to be massaged into the leather. It also gave it enough lubricity to prevent hot spots. Every ride would be followed by a shorts washing then drying and the dried chamois got more goo and massage than your legs. It was a minor pain but one could assume it to be a ritual every roadie did, save Lord Eddy who had Mrs Merckx do it. Did I mention padding hadn’t been invented yet? Just thin leather and the black wool (and eventually thin lycra) it was sewn to.
Lycra replaced wool before synthetic chamois replaced real leather, the synthetic looked similar but behaved better after washing. I stopped using chamois cream because it was no longer really chamois and the need to un-crinkle the thing was gone. Different synthetics came and went, even a polar fleece pad by Avocet, but a cream would just disappear into it, a waste. Synthetic chamois improved bit by bit, our Concor seats were still miserable and the idea of padding actually came into fashion which may have made Concor seats better, but barely. Regardless of saddle, for me the limiting factor for the 100k plus rides was the discomfort of just sitting on the bike.
I don’t remember when the dim bulb went on in my dim brain, but somehow it dawned on me that the pros were still slathering their shorts up with abandon. I would be interested to know how much a team goes through in the Tour; I reckon kilos of it. The preparation and lubing of the cyclist’s most sensitive contact point with the bike is nothing to be taken lightly for a pro. If you really want to get ‘core, try DZ’s procedure on staying right.
For the uninitiated, I put a large aliquot of the cream about where my sit bones contact the chamois and then press the chamois together to spread it. Apply it where you need it. Sure it feels a bit clammy when the bibs are engaged but that passes. A long way into a ride you notice the warmed cream has produced a near zero friction coefficient ‘down there’, all is well and one’s attention can be spent on other things like staying in the saddle and laying down a little V. I always put my creamed-up bibs on at home even if I’m heading for the car to get to a ride. Years ago a Tour racer pulled over for a serious call of nature which required shorts lowering and removal. In the ensuing re-shorting, sand from his shoe contaminated the creamed-up chamois and miles later his Tour was over. My point is this; putting on bibs in the car, outside the car, in the bushes are all bad. Your sand-free bedroom is better.
Have the new chamois pads made the creams redundant? I don’t want to find out the hard way. Certainly if you are doing this for a living you are doing your best to avoid saddle sores and blisters and the creams are still the one true way.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
You know where JENS! puts his chamois cream? One spot: the RIVET.
@ben
I know what you're tryin' to say, baby: ah, yeah, that's it!
I'm not a big 'creme user, but I have had "issues" on some long rides. These days, even when wearing the V-Kit (which is always,day and night) I use Chamois Butter. Despite me Velomihottie calling it "butt butter", it really does get amazingly comfortable once it warms up. 30km into the ride and your rollin' smoother than a kitten in a yarn store.
Assos.
Considering I started with a pair of tri-shorts with a nearly non-existant pad, I became a chamois creme user almost immediately. I started off with Chamois Butt'r, but when a couple from our local shop started making their own "Cobble Cream" I gave it a shot and have never looked back:
http://www.winstonsbrand.com/
All natural and isn't nearly as greasy as Chamois Butt'r, but sticks around longer. I use it even when I run. Fantastic stuff.
They also make some great embro...
@ben
Locally made chamois cream, a locavore's delight. That is great. I wonder if they mail order. Maybe we need a Velominati version, with abrasives in it, to show how tough we are.
I still use the Butt'r because it's good and cheap. Many swear by Assos but like all their product, it's not cheap. I read that cyclists use Queen Helene's skin creme, it's cheap and comes in vats. It also smells like...I'm not sure, coconut suntanning oil. Long story short, I have a mostly unused vat of Queen Helene's skin creme.
I'd like to use DZ's Nutz but it's a small tube for the money, it wouldn't last long.
@Jarvis
It makes sense Assos would make a great cream as they don't make anything badly. I will have to revisit that product. Too bad they can't somehow combine the minx female model and the creme in some memorable photo shoot. Then I would definitely buy it again.
@john @ Jarvis I started using Assos creme this season. My left schnuttal area would always get rubbed raw - dog saliva really does help but Mrs. Cyclops would give me the stink eye (with her one eye) when she would catch me in the bedroom with the dog.
I think a Velominati "chamois creme" should come in a multi-part kit form. Part one would be the creme which would be a closely guarded secret formula that was akin to Biofreeze with Capsaicin in it. Part two of the kit would be duct tape with shards of glass from a broken beer bottle (preferably a dark stout) embedded in it. Part three would be one of those disposable plastic enema thingys filled with Tabasco sauce.
Step One: Slather the crotchel groinal area with the Velominutheat Creme
Step Two: Tightly wrap the tea bags with the Velomiducttape.
Step Three: Administer Velominanus Sauce into the "wrecked 'em" with the handy disposable applicator.
Step Four: Climb the Scanuppia Malga Palazzo in the big ring
This would definitely seperate the true Velominati from the pretenders.
@Cyclops
Or you could just HTFU and ride.
BagBalm, thinned with a drip of mineral oil. For 80+km rides only.
Cheap. Effective.
I've never understood chamois cream, even after trying it several times. I found no comfort advantage to riding with vs without it.
If you have good shorts, you shouldn't be sliding around in them causing friction.
Basically, if your shorts fit, you have the right saddle, and you've been well fitted to your bike, you shouldn't need chamois cream at all.
I'm more inclined to believe that the pros who slather their chamois in cream do it more out of habit than anything else.